Cuntybaws

Now would be the perfect time to re-enact the Battle of the Somme, and machine gun a million of these terminally stupid Millenial cunts as a lesson to the rest.

Yes, nothing wrong with taxis - if you want to wait half an hour for the one that was allegedly "just turning into your road" when you called, and then listen to some thick racist cunt (ironically a Pole, most likely) wittering on about roadworks, all to the background accompaniment of Classic FM or fucking pan pipes, and a not-so-subtle aroma of 200 different pools of vomit and a fucking Magic Tree air freshener.

I know this is Cunts Corner but that's beyond the pale. Gove looks like some sort of retarded fish, or perhaps an amphibian – a mudskipper that's crawled out of a stagnant pond and isn't entirely comfortable on land. Death to his slimy arse!

Racist Sausages!

Which category do Frankie Boyle's "Harvey" jokes fall into?

He looks like he could break into a rendition of "Mike's got a walnut-a-head" at any moment,

Is "getting a bonus" a euphemism for a massive facial happy ending? Just checking.

He could probably plait his arse hair into a fucking massive man bun, but the only knot I want to see near his head is a hangman's noose.

At least you knew the food was fresh. As a man used to haggis I never worried too much about what was in burgers until I saw a sign on a van that read, "All our burgers are guaranteed 100% testicle free". The fucking cunts, I thought, trying to use cheap, tasteless breadcrumbs in place of good quality bollocks. John Selwyn Gummer is a cunt.

What in the actual fuck does this bollocks even mean? You've achieved the near-impossible here, Fats, you've made "Yacht" look good.

It's not like anyone actually voted for him. I've travelled through Luxembourg and it is most definitely not a place you'd want to spend much time in sober.

I'm not sure there's any way back for Apple after being called a tedious cunt by Snatch.

Jean-Claude (hyphenated) Juncker (not fucking "Junkers") has a reputation as a pisshead of Charles Kennedy proportions. He's doled out a few slaps of his own while off his tits on cognac.

Sadly for Mancunians they were right at the end of the queue and had to take what was left after the Eritreans, the Romanians, the Congolese and the Syrians were done. The only positive for them was that at least they got in ahead of the Scousers.

I fucking KNEW I'd out some pansy liberals sooner or later. I thought "Albinos" might be the nomination to do it, but it turns out that whale-eating aboriginals was all it took to flush out the yurt dwellers. That's a tenner you owe me, Eddie.

Fifty words for snow, but none for soap. Dirty cunts.

Going for the dissenting position early doors, eh? Well consider this: there's not much eskimo lesbian porn out there, so just what the fuck are they good for? Getting your flaps out in an igloo when it's 30 below is a big ask, I suppose, no matter how much you like the taste of fish.

Most eskimos prefer to be called Inuit. They don't like the term eskimos for some reason, the seal-clubbing cunts, but fuck 'em I say, if it walks like a bow-legged spastic, talks like a Welshman with Bell's Palsy, and wears a furry hood then it's a fucking eskimo. They're ugly little cunts when you actually look at them, chubby faces all smeared with blubbery muktuk. And what's with all that “First Nation” shit? It's not like any other cunt has ever wanted to live in their frozen, wind-blasted Canadian hellholes.

My Aston has concealed rear-facing machine guns, an oil-slick dispenser, and a pop-up bullet proof shield, for just this sort of eventuality.

No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you sir; but I bite my thumb, sir. 1570s.

That kicking wouldn't apply if I only nipped over quickly to come on her tits, though, right? (As long as none of it splurged on to the actual baby, obviously.)

It's true. This man has no dick.

I'm all for kicking seven shades of shit out of Sean Connery and Rod Stewart now, on a retrospective basis. There's no statute of limitations on cunts.

If we're comparing Willys, we mustn't overlook the late Willie Rushton, Sticking strictly to the nomination (i.e. "Comedy" and "Bills", it's not fucking hard) we should give honourable mentions to groundhog-fucker Bill Murray, and the mono-talented Bill Pertwee, who was outranked in terms of pathetically flogging a dead horse only by Don Estelle (and this nomination itself.) So many useless fucking Bills - I could go on for quite literally a few more seconds.

I think we all know what Mandelson stands for, the filthy cunt.