Proof that we're under attack

[Wolfie]

21 minutes ago, Penelope Alive said:

Counted and tasted them one by one. 🤣

For a monster-cocked abnormality who can probably insert their penis into their mouth with the gentlest of manoeuvres, I bow to your competence in this particular field.

[Frank]

56 minutes ago, White Cunt said:

That’s terrible news, Frank. Do you think you can reliably offshore your wigs’ maintenance costs?

There's no way around it I'm afraid Whitey. I either sign up for two years at a reduced fixed rate, or pay the current rate on a rolling contract and hope for the best. Meanwhile I've put a pound on every item. My shit sells like hot cakes.  

[Decimus]

5 minutes ago, Frank said:

There's no way around it I'm afraid Whitey. I either sign up for two years at a reduced fixed rate, or pay the current rate on a rolling contract and hope for the best. Meanwhile I've put a pound on every item. My shit sells like hot cakes.  

What sort of wares do you peddle, Frank?

[Guest Jimmy Neutron]

38 minutes ago, Frank said:

There's no way around it I'm afraid Whitey. I either sign up for two years at a reduced fixed rate, or pay the current rate on a rolling contract and hope for the best. Meanwhile I've put a pound on every item. My shit sells like hot cakes.  

Current rate on a rolling contract? With interest rates about to hit the roof in the coming months?

Unless you're mad, go for the two year reduced rate.

Your shit will still be selling like hot cakes and smelling fragrant with monetary prudence.

[and]

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

insert their penis into their mouth with the gentlest of manoeuvres

As opposed to the 'rough and ready' ex-servicemen you encounter on your Poodle walking trips to the park 😜

[Decimus]

31 minutes ago, Jimmy Neutron said:

Current rate on a rolling contract? With interest rates about to hit the roof in the coming months?

Unless you're mad, go for the two year reduced rate.

Your shit will still be selling like hot cakes and smelling fragrant with monetary prudence.

Afternoon, Jimmy, you don't appear to be a drooling spastic which makes a refreshing change. Here's a bit of background information on Frank for your files, should you ever start to believe that he's a normal human being.

His old man drove a black cab and was a professional Mitch Winehouse impersonator. When he wasn't stubbing out roll-ups on infant Frank's arms, he was also wheeling and dealing and made a fortune in the dildo business.

Frank inherited the lot and is now an independently wealthy man of means. When he's not eating alone in five star restaurants, he is mostly accompanied by a homosexual Dacschund and a dead, frozen Slope. His wardrobe appears to entirely consist of expensive clothes tailored to fit a nine year old gay child, and his bin is an absolute fucking disgrace.

Oh, and he also likes to make videos of himself dancing like a dyspraxic version of Sesame Street's Big Bird.

A complete and utter fucking wanker, I'm sure you'd agree.

[Guest Jimmy Neutron]

22 minutes ago, cunt said:

As opposed to the 'rough and ready' ex-servicemen you encounter on your Poodle walking trips to the park 😜

What is this, a site for swapping homoerotic tales.

You should all be strung up, you dirty cunts.

[Guest Jimmy Neutron]

2 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Afternoon, Jimmy, you don't appear to be a drooling spastic which makes a refreshing change. Here's a bit of background information on Frank for your files, should you ever start to believe that he's a normal human being.

His old man drove a black cab and was a professional Mitch Winehouse impersonator. When he wasn't stubbing out roll-ups on infant Frank's arms, he was also wheeling and dealing and made a fortune in the dildo business.

Frank inherited the lot and is now an independently wealthy man of means. When he's not eating alone in five star restaurants, he is mostly accompanied by a homosexual Dacschund and a dead, frozen Slope. His wardrobe appears to entirely consist of expensive clothes tailored to fit a nine year old gay child, and his bin is an absolute fucking disgrace.

Oh, and he also likes to make videos of himself dancing like dyspraxic version of Sesame Street's Big Bird.

A complete and utter fucking wanker, I'm sure you'd agree.

Hmmmm, very iffy.

The report to CEOP is in the post.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

What sort of wares do you peddle, Frank?

If I had to guess, and using his frequent references to Cadiz as a guide, I would guess that the ‘wares’ are run up the beach late night in a fast rib boat, piloted by some greasy Tangerine gang master with a couple of Spanish orphans unloading.

I bet he’s named his dog ‘Kudos’.

[ProfB]

13 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

If I had to guess, and using his frequent references to Cadiz as a guide, I would guess that the ‘wares’ are run up the beach late night in a fast rib boat, piloted by some greasy Tangerine gang master with a couple of Spanish orphans unloading.

I bet he’s named his dog ‘Kudos’.

There's Eric ... any idea what he's named his cat as I am cat person, not dog person.

Love ProfB xxx

 

[Eric Cuntman]

4 minutes ago, ProfB said:

There's Eric ... any idea what he's named his cat as I am cat person, not dog person.

Love ProfB xxx

 

I’m both. As long as the cats are in first and you introduce the dogs as puppies, they get along fine. 

[ProfB]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’m both. As long as the cats are in first and you introduce the dogs as puppies, they get along fine. 

So that cats are boss Eric?

[Roadkill]

Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

I’m both. As long as the cats are in first and you introduce the dogs as puppies, they get along fine. 

I'd never subject an innocent puppy to live under cat subjugation. @ProfB why did you just do an image search on me? Its Bob Ross - he paints pictures and had a baby squirrel that lived in his shirt pocket.

[camberwell gypsy]

59 minutes ago, Jimmy Neutron said:

Hmmmm, very iffy.

The report to CEOP is in the post.

Decs forgot to mention the piss poor wig. 

[Eric Cuntman]

18 minutes ago, ProfB said:

So that cats are boss Eric?

They are anyway. They know they’re smarter than dogs.

[Cuntybaws]

19 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

he had a baby squirrel that lived in his shirt pocket.

Unlike Frank*, who almost certainly has a chutney ferret that lives in his shit pocket.

 

 

*I'm sorry, Frank, but everyone else is having a pop and you know how much I hate to feel left out.

[ProfB]

16 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

They are anyway. They know they’re smarter than dogs.

Cat's wear the trousers then?

I am best with a guard cat?

Edited August 22, 2022 by ProfB
typo

[Roadkill]

Just now, ProfB said:

Cat's wear the trousers then?

I am best with a guard cat?

In the event that you were attacked, a loyal dog would defend you with its life. A cat would know it just has to outrun you. And it would probably eat your face after the threat has left.

People (including myself) admire that.

 

[Eric Cuntman]

4 minutes ago, ProfB said:

Cat's wear the trousers then?

I am best with a guard cat?

No. They’re no good at guarding houses. Only their food bowl and cat flap. Get a black Labrador. They’re good with cats and people, and they’re protective of their humans. With a loud bark.

[Frank]

2 hours ago, Jimmy Neutron said:

Current rate on a rolling contract? With interest rates about to hit the roof in the coming months?

Unless you're mad, go for the two year reduced rate.

Your shit will still be selling like hot cakes and smelling fragrant with monetary prudence.

Yeh, but surely the government will step in and put an end to all of this. It’s been an uphill battle over the past two years just keeping my head above water. Very few businesses will survive this new threat. Any advice very much appreciated. 

[Decimus]

10 minutes ago, Frank said:

Yeh, but surely the government will step in and put an end to all of this. It’s been an uphill battle over the past two years just keeping my head above water. Very few businesses will survive this new threat. Any advice very much appreciated. 

You wiley, old cunt.

[Eric Cuntman]

11 minutes ago, Frank said:

Yeh, but surely the government will step in and put an end to all of this. It’s been an uphill battle over the past two years just keeping my head above water. Very few businesses will survive this new threat. Any advice very much appreciated. 

Put a fucking magnet on the side of the meter and shut your fucking whining.

[Wolfie]

42 minutes ago, Frank said:

Yeh, but surely the government will step in and put an end to all of this. It’s been an uphill battle over the past two years just keeping my head above water. Very few businesses will survive this new threat. Any advice very much appreciated. 

Cutting down on £1,000 faggot loafers and £330 dog collars would be a good start.

Idiot.

[Guest Jimmy Neutron]

34 minutes ago, Frank said:

Yeh, but surely the government will step in and put an end to all of this. It’s been an uphill battle over the past two years just keeping my head above water. Very few businesses will survive this new threat. Any advice very much appreciated. 

Of course!

Here's my advice: Eat shit.

[Eric Cuntman]

21 minutes ago, Jimmy Neutron said:

Of course!

Here's my advice: Eat shit.

I want to see ‘Yacht 4’ on my desk by Sunday morning.