Top Gun: Maverick

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I'm pretty sure it will be a two hour build up to the important bit. The bit where Mav' tearfully salutes the black female pilots who have just saved the lives of the bigoted and incompetent white male pilots. 

I haven't seen it, Eric, but judging by the way that modrern cinema is going, I'd ordinarily mark you right.

However, there's a YouTube channel called The Critical Drinker who recommends the film. He's steadfastly against any and all insertions of wokeness into modern media, to the point that he sails close to the wind even for my tastes. But if he gives it a thumbs up you can guarantee its an alpha testosterone fest, as it should be.

 

[Eric Cuntman]

56 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I haven't seen it, Eric, but judging by the way that modrern cinema is going, I'd ordinarily mark you right.

However, there's a YouTube channel called The Critical Drinker who recommends the film. He's steadfastly against any and all insertions of wokeness into modern media, to the point that he sails close to the wind even for my tastes. But if he gives it a thumbs up you can guarantee its an alpha testosterone fest, as it should be.

 

I miss the 'Blockbuster Video' days. if a testosterone fest was what you wanted, just look for Chuck Norris's steely gaze fixing you, just above the words.. 'Cannon Group®' to avoid poofery and womanist whimsy.

I'm not quite ready to go down this reboot rabbit hole without sending in a canary.... as the only Norwich supporter I know, would you let me know if it's any good?

[Guest judgetwi]

5 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I realise this is not a review site, but if fellow Corner members could summon their inner Jonathan Woss and tell me if this is worth a trip to the local Odeon on Monday morning before I fly back to Oz, I’d be interested. I’m expecting a load of Yankee wank but it does feel like something of an event film. Thoughts please. 

Before you all ask, and I know you are all dying to, I’ve had a pleasant stay with family in the UK for the last few weeks, but all this random bunting and postboxes in knitted Royal balaclavas is making me very twitchy. I think it best I leave before the disgusting street parties of yokels. I made the error of visiting the local town centre today and once back in my lodgings I felt the immediate urge to rock gently in the shower like Jodie Foster in The Accused. Grim doesn’t get close. 

I’ve seen it Skippy and there’s nothing in it for you. There’s no sneering at the British working class, in fact we don’t even get a mention. May I suggest you  take your posh arse back to Oz and patronise the Abos? I have no doubt they see you for what you are and, hopefully, deliver their verdict.

Fucking posh up your own arse wanker..

[Dyslexic cnut]

13 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

They experimented with drive-in cinemas back in the 70s but had to close them because dingoes kept nicking punters hot dogs 

…and their kids.

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

15 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I realise this is not a review site, but if fellow Corner members could summon their inner Jonathan Woss and tell me if this is worth a trip to the local Odeon on Monday morning before I fly back to Oz, I’d be interested. I’m expecting a load of Yankee wank but it does feel like something of an event film. Thoughts please. 

Before you all ask, and I know you are all dying to, I’ve had a pleasant stay with family in the UK for the last few weeks, but all this random bunting and postboxes in knitted Royal balaclavas is making me very twitchy. I think it best I leave before the disgusting street parties of yokels. I made the error of visiting the local town centre today and once back in my lodgings I felt the immediate urge to rock gently in the shower like Jodie Foster in The Accused. Grim doesn’t get close. 

Are you fucking thick? Top Gun is and always was a film about homosexuality. Fucking woofter.

[Last Cunt Standing]

15 hours ago, judgetwi said:

I’ve seen it Skippy and there’s nothing in it for you. There’s no sneering at the British working class, in fact we don’t even get a mention. May I suggest you  take your posh arse back to Oz and patronise the Abos? I have no doubt they see you for what you are and, hopefully, deliver their verdict.

Fucking posh up your own arse wanker..

Well thanks for that Barry fucking Norman. And don’t fret, I’ll be back on that Qantas flight soon enough to escape the forelock-tugging wankers like your good self as they mewl gratefully for table scraps. Your beloved Government, the one who delivered the Brexit I remember you being so heartily in favour of, is doing a perfectly good job of expanding the ranks of the working class by popularising serfdom, so you don’t need me to weigh in on the subject. 

I won’t detain you further, I’m sure you’ve got to set up the deckchair and binoculars at that famous upstairs window in case the inevitable Lahhhndan street party features any paddling pools for the younger attendees.

Quite surprised you bothered to take the mobility scooter down the Odeon for the matinee showing of Top Gun anyway. I expected you to wait for the Jewish version, in which a dashing young fighter ace Jacob Rubinstein, codenamed “Zyklon”, is charged with running the gauntlet of fireworks and maritime flares over Gaza as he bombs the Palestinians to dust. With such stimulation there might just about be enough life in your diabetic maggot to brush up against the crusted stains in your y-fronts. 

Fuck off etc,

[Last Cunt Standing]

20 hours ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

Are you fucking thick? Top Gun is and always was a film about homosexuality. Fucking woofter.

I think you are deliberately misunderstanding for comic effect, though granted when Viper does offer to be Mavericks “Rear” later in the movie I did half expect a Kenneth Williams-style “ooooh, get her”. And yes the beach volleyball scene is essentially a Karposi’s Sarcoma away from being a Philadelphia prequel. Kelly McGillis could pass for a middle aged man, not a love interest. Lots of leather, moustaches and white Navy uniforms.

Maybe you’ve got a point, on reflection. 

[Earl of Punkape]

19 hours ago, Decimus said:

Indeed, the jingoistic, flag waving has ramped up to Farageian GB News levels around here over the past week.

In theory, if not in practice, any child born in this country can become Prime Minister, regardless of background and social class. It's anachronistically embarassing that I have to explain to my children that they will never attain the highest office in the land, head of state, purely because they weren't born to the right inbred, privileged, German fucking cunt.

It may be a largely ceremonial position these days, but it's absolutely disgusting that the ultimate power in this country is still reserved for a small family of foreign, slack jawed inbreds.

Fuck the jubilee, fuck the hype, and fuck the Queen.

You’re a Scouser….

[Eric Cuntman]

16 minutes ago, Earl of Punkape said:

You’re a Scouser….

Have you noticed that poor people have thick crockery?

[Dyslexic cnut]

24 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Have you noticed that poor people have thick crockery?

Crest free too.

[Eddie]

18 hours ago, judgetwi said:

 I have no doubt they see you for what you are

A bullshitting retired nurse? 

[Eddie]

5 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

 

I won’t detain you further, I’m sure you’ve got to set up the deckchair and binoculars at that famous upstairs window in case the inevitable Lahhhndan street party features any paddling pools for the younger attendees.

 

Reported.

[Decimus]

16 minutes ago, Eddie said:

A bullshitting retired nurse? 

Ed, did I ever tell you about my second tour in Afghan with 3 Para?

I'd just recently been promoted to Super Brigadier General (10 star) after killing Bin Laden with a right hook. That fucking mug Harry Hewitt kept giving me the stink eye and whispering behind my back that he could have me. Anyway, to cut a long story short, one day I was minding my own business in a Kandahar brothel when cuckoo bollocks stormed in and demanded I pull my cock out of my whore and let him have a go. Still erect, I round house kicked him in the head and my rock hard cock swung round a millisecond later and broke his jaw. 

No sooner had I snapped the necks of his ten special service bodyguards than Optimus Prime shows up, pissed off his fucking nut and offering me outside. Needless to say I know my limits, so I strapped on my jet pack and fucked off sharpish.

The rest, as they say, is history.

[Earl of Punkape]

2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Have you noticed that poor people have thick crockery?

Crockery?

I use China you lower-middle class oik.

[Eric Cuntman]

11 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Ed, did I ever tell you about my second tour in Afghan with 3 Para?

I'd just recently been promoted to Super Brigadier General (10 star) after killing Bin Laden with a right hook. That fucking mug Harry Hewitt kept giving me the stink eye and whispering behind my back that he could have me. Anyway, to cut a long story short, one day I was minding my own business in a Kandahar brothel when cuckoo bollocks stormed in and demanded I pull my cock out of my whore and let him have a go. Still erect, I round house kicked him in the head and my rock hard cock swung round a millisecond later and broke his jaw. 

No sooner had I snapped the necks of his ten special service bodyguards than Optimus Prime shows up, pissed off his fucking nut and offering me outside. Needless to say I know my limits, so I strapped on my jet pack and fucked off sharpish.

The rest, as they say, is history.

I raped a polar bear.

[Decimus]

11 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I raped a polar bear.

I don't know why the thought of you donkey punching an enraged polar bear and splitting its arsehole in two tickled me, but needless to say it did. Superb.

 

[ProfB]

51 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I raped a polar bear.

Male or female? 

[Eric Cuntman]

12 minutes ago, ProfB said:

Male or female? 

Didn't ask.

[ProfB]

11 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Didn't ask.

🤭 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, ProfB said:

🤭 

Can't see that. It's just a black square.

[camberwell gypsy]

29 minutes ago, ProfB said:

Male or female? 

He raped a bi-polar bore, Prof. 

[Carl Sway]

24 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Can't see that. It's just a black square.

Don't black squares matter?

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Carl Sway said:

Don't black squares matter?

No.

[ProfB]

Polar bears are big: Height: 1.8 – 2.4 m (Female, Adult, On hind legs), 1.8 is nearly 6 foot. 2.4 metres is nearly 8 feet. One can assume it was kneeling or something when Eric spotted it.

[Eric Cuntman]

Just now, ProfB said:

Polar bears are big: Height: 1.8 – 2.4 m (Female, Adult, On hind legs), 1.8 is nearly 6 foot. 2.4 metres is nearly 8 feet. One can assume it was kneeling or something when Eric spotted it.

It was dead.