Taking Advantage

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

I have a friend who is an alcoholic, though she still has a few bob kicking about, is vulnerable and cannot muster the brain power to do simple things like manage money. I help her with this by transferring money to her from another bank account to ensure she does not spunk her remaining cash and cannot be coaxed into large gifts or buying shit from salesman, which alcoholics have a habit of doing.

Having not heard back from her, I log into her internet banking to check if the usual spending habits are continuing, to discover all of the cash had been taken on a single day for 4 consecutive weeks and all of her debits are bouncing. I  discovered today she is in Hospital having had a bad withdrawal seizure.

Her disappearing cash coincides with an extended visit from her brother. This fucking cunt has been withdrawing all of her cash, leaving her to rot with no food and no access to funds of any kind and she was left confused (withdrawal) and too ill to move. She was found 2 days after the seizure on the kitchen floor with bruising all over her face. I am now travelling to Aberdeen on Friday for a surprise visit and looking forward to prison time after I dislocate every joint in this fucking cunts body. I don't care what anyone says, violence is always the answer. Will update if not on remand. 

[Frank]

Fabricated bollocks. I’ll get back to you on this after lunch!

[Roadkill]

Might I suggest an ice pick to the back of the knees? Make sure to wriggle it around a bit once its in - cut as many tendons and pulverize as much muscle as possible - then, when the cunt is no longer able to move without causing great pain to himself, even after physical therapy, he'll have to apply for PIP. Once he's leaching off the system he won't be as inclined to leach off his sister, and the added bonus of painfully crippling him will ensure the simple effort of travelling to visit her would be discouraged and possibly result in his miserable suicide at some point in the future.

Have fun!

[PANZER MURPHY]

I'm a man of peace P baby...however if it must be done there's no rule that says ya have to do it yerself. 

PANZERMURPHYBABY 

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

30 minutes ago, Frank said:

Fabricated bollocks. I’ll get back to you on this after lunch!

Interesting Frank. Can't wait to see what you have to say.

[Roadkill]

2 minutes ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

Interesting Frank. Can't wait to see what you have to say.

Now you're just allowing yourself to get derailed. And here's me and @PANZER MURPHY trying to be constructive. Focus.

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

2 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Now you're just allowing yourself to get derailed. And here's me and @PANZER MURPHY trying to be constructive. Focus.

I don't feel derailed. I think this is Frank's job here. I'm entertaining him. But, quite right, focus.

This cunt has no reason to take money, he has plenty of his own, which makes it all the more shitfaced.

[Roadkill]

6 minutes ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

I don't feel derailed. I think this is Frank's job here. I'm entertaining him. But, quite right, focus.

This cunt has no reason to take money, he has plenty of his own, which makes it all the more shitfaced.

If you have evidence of the bank withdrawals and the time of his visit couldn't you contact the police? If the cunts rolling in it then legal action and public shame might sting more than getting the shit beaten out of him.

Alternatively, I've been working on the next step in half-brick technology - involving barbed fishing hooks cemented into it around the surface with high strength steel wire. I could have @Eric Cuntman mock up a prototype launching device for it and you could use his bollocks as the test target.

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

16 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

If you have evidence of the bank withdrawals and the time of his visit couldn't you contact the police? If the cunts rolling in it then legal action and public shame might sting more than getting the shit beaten out of him.

Alternatively, I've been working on the next step in half-brick technology - involving barbed fishing hooks cemented into it around the surface with high strength steel wire. I could have @Eric Cuntman mock up a prototype launching device for it and you could use his bollocks as the test target.

The police would require her to make a statement, and I know she wouldn't cooperate with it. Quite keen to hear the explanation, he's still there and doesn't know I'm coming.

This half brick tech, can it be further modded? Is it possible that it can explode on impact so those fishing hooks are deeply embedded forever?

[Roadkill]

Just now, Parabolic Cunting said:

The police would require her to make a statement, and I know she wouldn't cooperate with it. Quite keen to hear the explanation, he's still there and doesn't know I'm coming.

This half brick tech, can it be further modded? Is it possible that it can explode on impact so those fishing hooks are deeply embedded forever?

@PANZER MURPHY?

[Eric Cuntman]

25 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

If you have evidence of the bank withdrawals and the time of his visit couldn't you contact the police? If the cunts rolling in it then legal action and public shame might sting more than getting the shit beaten out of him.

Alternatively, I've been working on the next step in half-brick technology - involving barbed fishing hooks cemented into it around the surface with high strength steel wire. I could have @Eric Cuntman mock up a prototype launching device for it and you could use his bollocks as the test target.

I've always wanted my own trebuchet.

[Roadkill]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I've always wanted my own trebuchet.

I was thinking more crossbow or pneumatic shoulder-mouned cannon. It would have to be relatively portable, unless we want to add @Ape™️ to this list I've probably put us all on to work as a drone pilot for target co-ordinates.

[Cuntybaws]

1 hour ago, PANZER MURPHY said:

I'm a man of peace P baby...however if it must be done there's no rule that says ya have to do it yerself. 

Sounds to me like you’re touting for a “piece” of the action yourself. Saxophone gigs drying up?

[Ape™️]

3 hours ago, Frank said:

Fabricated bollocks. I’ll get back to you on this after lunch!

Imbecile. Pipe cleaner-limbed imbecile.

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, Roadkill said:

I was thinking more crossbow or pneumatic shoulder-mouned cannon. It would have to be relatively portable, unless we want to add @Ape™️ to this list I've probably put us all on to work as a drone pilot for target co-ordinates.

Launching a house brick from a crossbow would require something less than portable. The shaft of the bolt would need to match the diameter of the 'warhead', 3 inches. The fletching would need to be replaced with a drag windsock to stop it tumbling, and the crossbow limbs would need to extend 18 feet each side of the riser (RSJ) to create enough twang.

I'd be inclined to smash up the brick, wrap the chunks in a hankie and ram it down a cannon barrel. Terracotta grape-shot. Throw in a handful of broken glass and dogshit if you want.

[Witheredscrote]

10 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Launching a house brick from a crossbow would require something less than portable. The shaft of the bolt would need to match the diameter of the 'warhead', 3 inches. The fletching would need to be replaced with a drag windsock to stop it tumbling, and the crossbow limbs would need to extend 18 feet each side of the riser (RSJ) to create enough twang.

I'd be inclined to smash up the brick, wrap the chunks in a hankie and ram it down a cannon barrel. Terracotta grape-shot. Throw in a handful of broken glass and dogshit if you want.

For fuck sake.

[Eric Cuntman]

42 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

For fuck sake.

I know, what a waste of a hankie that could be used as a white flag. 

Fuck off. Lol lol

[Dave Umbongo]

Being a smart, intelligent gent and not one to get my hands dirty getting all physical at my age, might I suggest you have a word with one of the local prozzies in Aberdeen and hire her (or him, it is 2022) and get him to escort you to his door and make out he's been using his sister's money to pay for this prostitute for the past 4 weeks. Make sure the confrontation occurs in front of as many family members as possible, especially his wife.

[camberwell gypsy]

7 hours ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

I have a friend who is an alcoholic, though she still has a few bob kicking about, is vulnerable and cannot muster the brain power to do simple things like manage money. I help her with this by transferring money to her from another bank account to ensure she does not spunk her remaining cash and cannot be coaxed into large gifts or buying shit from salesman, which alcoholics have a habit of doing.

Having not heard back from her, I log into her internet banking to check if the usual spending habits are continuing, to discover all of the cash had been taken on a single day for 4 consecutive weeks and all of her debits are bouncing. I  discovered today she is in Hospital having had a bad withdrawal seizure.

Her disappearing cash coincides with an extended visit from her brother. This fucking cunt has been withdrawing all of her cash, leaving her to rot with no food and no access to funds of any kind and she was left confused (withdrawal) and too ill to move. She was found 2 days after the seizure on the kitchen floor with bruising all over her face. I am now travelling to Aberdeen on Friday for a surprise visit and looking forward to prison time after I dislocate every joint in this fucking cunts body. I don't care what anyone says, violence is always the answer. Will update if not on remand. 

May I suggest this method?

You're welcome. 

[camberwell gypsy]

6 hours ago, Frank said:

Fabricated bollocks. I’ll get back to you on this after lunch!

Is that lunch for one Frank? 

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Launching a house brick from a crossbow would require something less than portable. The shaft of the bolt would need to match the diameter of the 'warhead', 3 inches. The fletching would need to be replaced with a drag windsock to stop it tumbling, and the crossbow limbs would need to extend 18 feet each side of the riser (RSJ) to create enough twang.

I'd be inclined to smash up the brick, wrap the chunks in a hankie and ram it down a cannon barrel. Terracotta grape-shot. Throw in a handful of broken glass and dogshit if you want.

There is an alarming level of detail here Eric. Can I ride in your end of the world bus? I'm first class with an axe. 

[King Billy]

12 hours ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

I have a friend who is an alcoholic, though she still has a few bob kicking about, is vulnerable and cannot muster the brain power to do simple things like manage money. I help her with this by transferring money to her from another bank account to ensure she does not spunk her remaining cash and cannot be coaxed into large gifts or buying shit from salesman, which alcoholics have a habit of doing.

Having not heard back from her, I log into her internet banking to check if the usual spending habits are continuing, to discover all of the cash had been taken on a single day for 4 consecutive weeks and all of her debits are bouncing. I  discovered today she is in Hospital having had a bad withdrawal seizure.

Her disappearing cash coincides with an extended visit from her brother. This fucking cunt has been withdrawing all of her cash, leaving her to rot with no food and no access to funds of any kind and she was left confused (withdrawal) and too ill to move. She was found 2 days after the seizure on the kitchen floor with bruising all over her face. I am now travelling to Aberdeen on Friday for a surprise visit and looking forward to prison time after I dislocate every joint in this fucking cunts body. I don't care what anyone says, violence is always the answer. Will update if not on remand. 

My advice is not to fuck her. It would be difficult to explain the DNA traces in her corpse to the court when you’ve been, by your own admission, logging into her bank accounts, and planning to travel the length of the country to kill members of her immediate family.

[King Billy]

11 hours ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

I don't feel derailed. I think this is Frank's job here. I'm entertaining him. But, quite right, focus.

This cunt has no reason to take money, he has plenty of his own, which makes it all the more shitfaced.

If he doesn’t really need the money he might be up for splitting it with you.

[PANZER MURPHY]

10 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Sounds to me like you’re touting for a “piece” of the action yourself. Saxophone gigs drying up?

Laffin...Don't wanna sound like all the other millionaires on here but I've more than enough to be keepin me bizzy baws baby

PANZERMURPHYBABY 

[Guest Parabolic Cunting]

Off to Aberdeen!