Dyslexic cnut Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 This toiletry phenomenon appeared on my radar three years ago when I put a nice new bathroom in for my late, elderly father. I asked him how he was getting on with it all to which to which he replied ‘it’s alright. That blasting shower thing’s nice but the shithouse is useless!’ He then eloquently elaborated on the shortcomings of the new ‘eco-toilet’ designed to save water. His complaint rather colourfully centred on the reduced size of the turd removing aperture and the feeble flush and he went on to describe how he’d need a laser-guided ringpiece to be able to deliver even the most perfect, rigid Havana cigar shaped stool accurately and ‘sans skidmarks’ as the French may put it. This delicate snag could only be put right by filthy brush action and more flushing, which negates the whole ‘water-saving’ element of the ‘eco-bog.’ I noticed, in my pre-covid travels, the older traditional khazis still in use in the colonies of the Empire don’t suffer from this in built problem…yes, I know that backsplash is often a resultant feature here, but sometimes that can be refreshing in the tropics. At home, due to the minuscule aperture and ‘faecal accuracy issues’ backsplash is a thing of the past and any stool-firmness issues can see one flushing and scrubbing like a stool removing fool. Two gallons of water later and you may have a clean, and hopefully, crack-free pan…and they call this progress? Thomas Crapper is a cunt. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Umbongo Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted December 5, 2021 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 3 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said: The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought. Not that I do now, of course, but have a five hour Guinness-full English-liquorice-whiskey-chutney-Jalfrezi bonanza, then let’s see what 6 litres of water will do to the rectal debris you shotblast out…fuck all CBB..one flush won’t ‘touch the sides’, so to speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 These bogs are the coming thing, designed for millennials and woke types. Their eco-friendly diets produce small pellets, like sheep turds, which can be easily flushed and recycled into rap music and I-phones. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said: The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought. I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. The French have special bogs for that. And a special sink for washing your feet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Chap Raasclaat Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. Do you mean eating them or something else? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 5 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said: This toiletry phenomenon appeared on my radar three years ago when I put a nice new bathroom in for my late, elderly father. I asked him how he was getting on with it all to which to which he replied ‘it’s alright. That blasting shower thing’s nice but the shithouse is useless!’ He then eloquently elaborated on the shortcomings of the new ‘eco-toilet’ designed to save water. His complaint rather colourfully centred on the reduced size of the turd removing aperture and the feeble flush and he went on to describe how he’d need a laser-guided ringpiece to be able to deliver even the most perfect, rigid Havana cigar shaped stool accurately and ‘sans skidmarks’ as the French may put it. This delicate snag could only be put right by filthy brush action and more flushing, which negates the whole ‘water-saving’ element of the ‘eco-bog.’ I noticed, in my pre-covid travels, the older traditional khazis still in use in the colonies of the Empire don’t suffer from this in built problem…yes, I know that backsplash is often a resultant feature here, but sometimes that can be refreshing in the tropics. At home, due to the minuscule aperture and ‘faecal accuracy issues’ backsplash is a thing of the past and any stool-firmness issues can see one flushing and scrubbing like a stool removing fool. Two gallons of water later and you may have a clean, and hopefully, crack-free pan…and they call this progress? Thomas Crapper is a cunt. Taking a shit in America is a fraught and terrifying experience, scary enough to induce even the largest of logs to shoot back up into your arsehole out of fear. The first thing I noticed upon settling my hairy arse down on a public throne was that my cock and balls were completely submerged and bobbing about in my own piss, like a half drowned, albino Gonzo puppet. What occurred to me next was that the cubicle had huge gaps where the door attached to the "stall". No sooner had I looked up in bashful alarm, I noticed the fat fucking face of some grinning paki eyeballing me as I desperately tried to squeeze out a few nuggets of pure. You'd think that the act of taking a shit in the world's most scientifically and technologically advanced country would be something of a joy. What you end up with instead is a wet arse and a scatological version of peek-a-boo that only the vile and sinister cunt @Dave would enjoy. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Decimus said: Taking a shit in America is a fraught and terrifying experience, scary enough to induce even the largest of logs to shoot back up into your arsehole out of fear. The first thing I noticed upon settling my hairy arse down on a public throne was that my cock and balls were completely submerged and bobbing about in my own piss, like a half drowned, albino Gonzo puppet. What occurred to me next was that the cubicle had huge gaps where the door attached to the "stall". No sooner had I looked up in bashful alarm, I noticed the fat fucking face of some grinning paki eyeballing me as I desperately tried to squeeze out a few nuggets of pure. You'd think that the act of taking a shit in the world's most scientifically and technologically advanced country would be something of a joy. What you end up with instead is a wet arse and a scatological version of peek-a-boo that only the vile and sinister cunt @Dave would enjoy. There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Dave said: There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt. ...says the person who went through a succession of avatars of dogshit photos, calling themself 'R-Soles' and continually banging on about shit and scat for some while before being forced to reinvent himself as 'Joker', before the penny dropped and his previous identity became recognisable. You accusing another punter of being scat-obsessed is the analogy of Rolf Harris giving a pep talk at an all-girls' school for teenagers. You fucking ridiculous contradiction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goober Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 Pile of shit, so to speak. Are you sure it's not senility and he's shitting in the bidet, DC? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Dave said: There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt. And here he is! Like a fly drawn to errr... shit. If Proper's search function wasn't the equivalent of Google's knuckle dragging, Neaderthal cousin, I'm sure I would find a clear correlation between nominations about faeces and you instantly being all over them like that proverbial fly. Seek help, you hard-sporting, turd tonguing cunt. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted December 5, 2021 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 13 minutes ago, Goober said: Pile of shit, so to speak. Are you sure it's not senility and he's shitting in the bidet, DC? I’d ask him but he’s brown bread…it could be hereditary however. I’ll let you know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 6 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. 7 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said: The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought. @camberwell gypsy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Umbongo Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 @Dave I don't know what it is but you do seem to attract shit. One post and @Wolfie and @Decimus show up like a couple of super glued dangleberries firmly adhered to your rectum pubes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 6 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said: @Dave I don't know what it is but you do seem to attract shit. One post and @Wolfie and @Decimus show up like a couple of super glued dangleberries firmly adhered to your rectum pubes. Drew, this would have worked better if it wasn't for the fact that he actually quoted me first, not the other way round. That being said, fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted December 5, 2021 Report Share Posted December 5, 2021 Alright, lads? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted December 6, 2021 Report Share Posted December 6, 2021 22 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said: One post and @Wolfie and @Decimus show up like a couple of super glued dangleberries firmly adhered to your rectum pubes. Oh, you've noticed that? Yeah, they're obsessed with it, they can't leave it alone, it's in 95%of their posts, they actually believe everything they write, the deluded pair of scat mongering cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 6, 2021 Report Share Posted December 6, 2021 4 hours ago, Dave said: Oh, you've noticed that? Yeah, they're obsessed with it, they can't leave it alone, it's in 95%of their posts, they actually believe everything they write, the deluded pair of scat mongering cunts. I'm the Scatman Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dubSki-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dub(I'm the Scatman)Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dubSki-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dub Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bopeBop ba bodda bopeBe bop ba bodda bopeBop ba bodda Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bopeBop ba bodda bopeBe bop ba bodda bopeBop ba bodda bope 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted December 7, 2021 Report Share Posted December 7, 2021 12 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: I'm the Scatman Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dubSki-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dub(I'm the Scatman)Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dubSki-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dub Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bopeBop ba bodda bopeBe bop ba bodda bopeBop ba bodda Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bopeBop ba bodda bopeBe bop ba bodda bopeBop ba bodda bope Are you Paul McCartney? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 7, 2021 Report Share Posted December 7, 2021 11 hours ago, Hammer of Cunts said: Are you Paul McCartney? I’ve never been to Liverpool and never will so fucking watch it pal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted December 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2021 On 06/12/2021 at 21:34, Stubby Pecker said: I'm the Scatman Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dubSki-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dub(I'm the Scatman)Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dubSki-bi dibby dib yo da dub dubYo da dub dub Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope Bop ba bodda bope Be bop ba bodda bope Bop ba bodda Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope Bop ba bodda bope Be bop ba bodda bope Bop ba bodda bope Cunt…this should be a ‘badda!’ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miles Posted December 8, 2021 Report Share Posted December 8, 2021 On 05/12/2021 at 15:42, Dave said: There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt. He really is shit isn't he? A SCATterbrain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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