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When you think it's a fart but shit the bed in the middle of the night

Guest Paulie

By Guest Paulie
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Dyslexic cnut

Dyslexic cnut

Posted
Posted

I knew a bloke, ugly little vile cunt flanker for the rugby team. Regularly did the ‘Triple Crown’ when rat—arsed. Pissed, puked and shat the bed, usually all over his missus who was a stunner btw. She calmly used to get up, take a shower, sponge him down, change the sheets and go back to sleep. When the filthy Cunt came downstairs the following day she’d be in the kitchen with a full cooked breakfast for him to ‘settle his poorly tummy’ and never mentioned his latest 4am faecal extravaganza. Some guys have all the luck eh? @camberwell gypsy are you like this with your fella?

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Guest Paulie

Guest Paulie

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I knew a bloke, ugly little vile cunt flanker for the rugby team. Regularly did the ‘Triple Crown’ when rat—arsed. Pissed, puked and shat the bed, usually all over his missus who was a stunner btw. She calmly used to get up, take a shower, sponge him down, change the sheets and go back to sleep. When the filthy Cunt came downstairs the following day she’d be in the kitchen with a full cooked breakfast for him to ‘settle his poorly tummy’ and never mentioned his latest 4am faecal extravaganza. Some guys have all the luck eh? @camberwell gypsy are you like this with your fella?

Still less harmful than sharing a bed with Gareth Thomas.

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and

and

Posted
Posted

Mother of God, don't mention scat, Dickless & Woofles will be on you like bats-on-a-donkey, they're totally fuckin' obsessed with the subject, almost as much as their preoccupation with large cocks, and their love of small dogs.

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Guest Paulie

Guest Paulie

Posted
Posted
56 minutes ago, dave said:

Mother of God, don't mention scat, Dickless & Woofles will be on you like bats-on-a-donkey, they're totally fuckin' obsessed with the subject, almost as much as their preoccupation with large cocks, and their love of small dogs.

I see......do you feel like you're being abused on here?

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Decimus

Decimus

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Posted
12 minutes ago, Paulie said:

I see......do you feel like you're being abused on here?

Nine out of the last fourteen of his posts have either been about me or a response to something that I've posted.

If I didn't know better I'd be thinking that he wanted to fuck me, but alas my nose isn't wet and I don't have a tail, so I can safely assume that I'm not his type.

In conclusion, I can only guess that he's rattled to fuck.

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and

and

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Paulie said:

I see......do you feel like you're being abused on here?

No more than any other cunt, but that pair of closet-hoggers are obsessed with their petty, personal vendattas, against other posters, rather than 'cunting'.

Still, I suppose it keeps them off the streets, care in the community, and all that.

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Stubby Pecker

Stubby Pecker

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, Paulie said:

It's just fucking happened. Gas an gut pains, thought it was wind, but no, the brown stuff fired out my orifice.

Are there any doctors in the house?

Try phasing out the rampant bum sex with half a dozen multi coloured partners before bed. This should stop your stools being pulverized into gravy and leaking out with your cum drenched farts.

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Guest Paulie

Guest Paulie

Posted
Posted
46 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Try phasing out the rampant bum sex with half a dozen multi coloured partners before bed. This should stop your stools being pulverized into gravy and leaking out with your cum drenched farts.

You'd place your face close enough to feel the brown spray of one of my noble expulsions, rub it all over your mouth and felch your civil partner with the residue, and don't you deny it. I've got your number.

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Stubby Pecker

Stubby Pecker

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1 hour ago, Paulie said:

You'd place your face close enough to feel the brown spray of one of my noble expulsions, rub it all over your mouth and felch your civil partner with the residue, and don't you deny it. I've got your number.

I’ll give that one a miss thanks. Anything scatt related @daves yer man

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King Billy

King Billy

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11 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I knew a bloke, ugly little vile cunt flanker for the rugby team. Regularly did the ‘Triple Crown’ when rat—arsed. Pissed, puked and shat the bed, usually all over his missus who was a stunner btw. She calmly used to get up, take a shower, sponge him down, change the sheets and go back to sleep. When the filthy Cunt came downstairs the following day she’d be in the kitchen with a full cooked breakfast for him to ‘settle his poorly tummy’ and never mentioned his latest 4am faecal extravaganza. Some guys have all the luck eh? @camberwell gypsy are you like this with your fella?

Thank fuck you mentioned that he’s a flanker, thereby immediately ruling  out Danny Cipriani, the completely respectable flyhalf/fullback, who’s been plastered all over the tabloids for years now, acting the complete cunt, refusing to get a round in, and crawling out of top celebrity nightclubs with you, keks oozing shite from every exit.

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Dyslexic cnut

Dyslexic cnut

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14 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Thank fuck you mentioned that he’s a flanker, thereby immediately ruling  out Danny Cipriani, the completely respectable flyhalf/fullback, who’s been plastered all over the tabloids for years now, acting the complete cunt, refusing to get a round in, and crawling out of top celebrity nightclubs with you, keks oozing shite from every exit.

Times I’ve been left clutching an empty glass with that cunt, Bill. Fuckin shameful.

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