The mysterious case of the wet footprint

[Last Cunt Standing]

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing of the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Our dear departed upstairs window correspondent is not here to give a ruling.

What says the Wisdom of Crowds?

[White Cunt]

11 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Thoughts? 

It’s a pickle, indeed. On one hand doing nothing may be teaching the rascals that they can get away with shit like that, on the other, taking into consideration their age and the recording, doing too much may fire back.

A quiet word with the two would probably be best, letting them know they are seen and can be exposed if that happens again. That should get the message across. Yes, they are young and stupid but they need to know that they can’t fuck around (literally) and that there are consequences.

[Guest Cocky Council Cake]

30 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Our dear departed upstairs window correspondent is not here to give a ruling.

What says the Wisdom of Crowds?

I'd go for option 3. Fuck it, it's the stupidity/arrogance of youth isn't it? No need to go getting the old bill cunts involved is there.

[Cuntybaws]

Find out where these kids are getting their drugs from, it’s obviously great shit. I’m assuming they were high at the time, because the first rule of the 21st century is to always know where the cameras are. 

[Major Cunt]

59 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing of the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Our dear departed upstairs window correspondent is not here to give a ruling.

What says the Wisdom of Crowds?

Definitely not a case for the plod, and he is technically in position of child porn, but obviously he's not responsible for what his CCTV picks up. 

It's certainly a conundrum, no doubt about that. Option numbers 1 and 5 seem the safest bet, but possibly not option 5. I'd just put it down to teenagers being teenagers, and no real harm was done. 

My personal suggestion is to PM Frank, and ask for old Judge's address. Obviously as a member of the judiciary he'd dispense some sage advice, and he does seem to have a keen interest in pool related matters. 

No need to thank me, Bertie, obviously. 

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing of the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Our dear departed upstairs window correspondent is not here to give a ruling.

What says the Wisdom of Crowds?

Tell your neighbour that he is lucky they didn't shit in his pool. Because that's what I'd have done. Fucking wanker that he is. In fact, furnish me with his address and I'll come round toute suite and lay a cable in his shallow end. 

[southerncunt]

Option 1. Opportunistic rooters. It’s not like the fucked in the pool. It’s unlikely it will happen again, and if it does, only leave light beer in the fridge. 

[PANZER MURPHY]

Theyre young n dumb..fone call to their parents to have word with them about being where they shouldn't and erase the tape 

PANZERMURPHYBABY 

[Dave Umbongo]

Wait a year until the girl turns 16 then use the recording to blackmail her into getting some of the same action yourself. Everyone's a winner.

[Guest Weary&Disgusted]

9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing of the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Our dear departed upstairs window correspondent is not here to give a ruling.

What says the Wisdom of Crowds?

Option 1, and also delete the footage.  They have taken liberties, and are cheeky bastards, but I would let this one slide.  If you take further action, you risk stirring up a shit storm.  

[Ape™️]

Option 1 - no criminal damage or malicious intent so let it go. I suppose some deliberate, lengthy “maintenance” of the security cameras could be performed in the hope the cheeky little bastards notice it being done and realise that it’s highly likely they were seen doing it. 

[Decimus]

58 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Wait a year until the girl turns 16 then use the recording to blackmail her into getting some of the same action yourself. Everyone's a winner.

I'd sincerely hope the option of fucking a 16 year old child would be as repugnant to LCS as it would be to me. 

I'm watching you, Drew.

[Dave Umbongo]

I honestly don't know what's weirder here, the sick sense of humour in my earlier response or the expectation that the original enquiry would receive any form of sensible response on this website.

[Major Cunt]

36 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I'd sincerely hope the option of fucking a 16 year old child would be as repugnant to LCS as it would be to me. 

I'm watching you, Drew.

In the good old days we'd have absolutely slaughtered someone for making such a perverse statement (I'm choosing my words carefully to aviod another ban) 

Drew's a sick bastard, and is another one I'll also be keeping close tabs on. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Major Cunt
The cunt should get a ban once we determine the age of consent in Oz

[Dyslexic cnut]

11 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d be interested in the opinion of the assembled Cunts in a problem I was discussing with my elderly neighbour just now. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, two 15 year old kids climbed the fence from the golf course into his pool area and began to help themselves. Two beers from his bar fridge, then they stripped off to their bare arses, cavorted in the pool and hot tub for half an hour, then proceeded to fuck like wild animals on one of his sun loungers, before drying off with his towels and calmly walking out of his gate into the early dawn light.  My neighbour spotted the footprints around his pool, then the towels and missing beers. He checked his CCTV first and saw the show, before asking me to check mine to see where they went. 

We know these kids. They live two streets away, and are mates with his grandchildren. His conundrum is what to do next, and we have boiled it down to five options.

1. Let it go. These are good kids from good families who saw an opportunity for a bit of fun. They didn’t cause any real damage and bringing it up will only cause them embarrassment. 

2. Take the footage to the police and demand a visit. There is the slight worry that he might technically be in involuntary possession of child pornography and thus end up in cuffs himself.

3. Storm round to the parents and demand reparations. 

4. Plead ignorance of their identity and post the footage on the neighbourhood Facebook page, letting mob justice do the heavy lifting. This also runs the risk of distribution of child porn without heavy editing of the tape.

5. Keep quiet, but let them know you have the tape and you’ll expect your car washed and lawn mowed for the next year. Distinctly pervy overtones here too I think. 

I did consider writing to Michael Buerk on The Moral Maze, but you lot will have to do. Our dear departed upstairs window correspondent is not here to give a ruling.

What says the Wisdom of Crowds?

Surely the question here is what kind of lunatic are you? You have a domestic moral quandary and you post and seek advice as to it’s handling on a forum of complete strangers, many of whom are clearly mentally ill and morally repugnant cunts...and take pride in the same. You’d have been safer emailing Rose West for her opinion you stupid cunt.

[Miles]

To be honest it happened in Australia and is therefore not important. In real terms Australia is little more than a very large version of Chudlelgh Knighton or Norton-in-Hales.

[Cuntybaws]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

I'd sincerely hope the option of fucking a 16 year old child would be as repugnant to LCS as it would be to me. 

I'm watching you, Drew.

No worries, it's Australia, the age of consent is six.

Nicolas Roeg filmed some schoolchildren getting naked in a pond and he got a Palme d'Or nomination out of it. I'm only surprised Roman Polanski hasn't shown up there yet.

[Dave Umbongo]

2 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Wait a year until the girl turns 16 then use the recording to blackmail her into getting some of the same action yourself. Everyone's a winner.

Errata. If it's Australia then, wait 2 years.

[Dave Umbongo]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

I'd sincerely hope the option of fucking a 16 year old child would be as repugnant to LCS as it would be to me. 

I'm watching you, Drew.

So you have no issues with the act of blackmailing, which is illegal but you seem to have an issue with something that is legal. I think you must have some peat wedged in your ears that's interfering with what little thought is generated in your skull.

[Decimus]

2 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

You seem to have posted one of your Mumsnet posts on here, you fucking snowflake.

However, you seem to be okay with LCS and his elderly neighbour watching it several times together trying to determine identities, while wanking furiously, no doubt.

 

2 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

I honestly don't know what's weirder here, the sick sense of humour in my earlier response or the expectation that the original enquiry would receive any form of sensible response on this website.

 

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Errata. If it's Australia then, wait 2 years.

 

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

So you have no issues with the act of blackmailing, which is illegal but you seem to have an issue with something that is legal. I think you must have some peat wedged in your ears that's interfering with what little thought is generated in your skull.

You seem to be squirming and back pedalling a lot for someone just making a joke, Drew. 

You have sickened me and no doubt a good many other people on here, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

[Goober]

Everyone seems to be labouring under the impression that LCS was referring to a heterosexual assignation, which is a little presumptuous considering the warped yoof of today. They accessed the property via a golf course and one of our currently imprisoned members provides ample evidence of what sorts of behaviours are common there. 

Anyway, firstly, destroy the recording post-haste. Otherwise, as long as there wasn't a used johnny floating in the pool afterwards, no big deal. Bit fucking cheeky stealing the beer though. 

[Major Cunt]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

 

 

 

You seem to be squirming and back pedalling a lot for someone just making a joke, Drew. 

You have sickened me and no doubt a good many other people on here, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

He certainly fucking should be, but I'd imagine the teenage girls of Norfolk have little to fear though considering the inevitable brewers droop as a result of his Frosty Jack's consumption. 

Drew, you know the word we are all thinking. You're lucky that I'm abstinent from illicit substances, and Dec's is laying off the bugle, and benzos. 

@Decimus I'm basing this observation on your lack of recent bans... 

[Major Cunt]

45 minutes ago, Goober said:

Everyone seems to be labouring under the impression that LCS was referring to a heterosexual assignation, which is a little presumptuous considering the warped yoof of today. They accessed the property via a golf course and one of our currently imprisoned members provides ample evidence of what sorts of behaviours are common there. 

Anyway, firstly, destroy the recording posthaste. Otherwise, as long as there wasn't a used Johnny floating in the pool afterwards, no big deal. Bit fucking cheeky stealing the beer though. 

Absolutely, Doc. Despite my various brushes with the law I have absolutely no idea on the legality of inadvertent CCTV recordings, it's not my area of criminal knowledge, but keeping hold of the footage is obviously not a good idea. 

His neighbour should just chalk it down to experience, and take the attitude that we were all teenagers once with raging testosterone. 

I say fair play to the lad. It was a ballsy move, and I'm sure he's telling his mates... 

[Dave Umbongo]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

 

 

 

You seem to be squirming and back pedalling a lot for someone just making a joke, Drew. 

You have sickened me and no doubt a good many other people on here, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

You have to be careful not to offend some woke fucking snowflake whilst making a joke nowadays, even on a site called CuntsCorner, it would seem.

You've lost all credibility on here now so why don't you follow Jewdy and Frank and fuck off to another website that are more aligned to your views, like Socialist Worker.

[Dave Umbongo]

11 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

Absolutely, Doc. Despite my various brushes with the law I have absolutely no idea on the legality of inadvertent CCTV recordings, it's not my area of criminal knowledge, but keeping hold of the footage is obviously not a good idea. 

His neighbour should just chalk it down to experience, and take the attitude that we were all teenagers once with raging testosterone. 

I say fair play to the lad. It was a ballsy move, and I'm sure he's telling his mates... 

In order to have CCTV on your land you need to display visible notices indicating that CCTV images are being recorded. Without this you could be guilty of contravening the GDPR if images are recorded, kept or distributed without the individuals knowledge or consent.