Ape™️ Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 Ate a load of the purple shit last night (spicy variety in a jar - delicious) and then drunk a load of red wine. Woke up with a hangover, went for a shit and was horrified. Then I remembered the beetroot. lol Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 Call 111 and ask to be triaged to the mental health team. Stupid fucking cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 40 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: Ate a load of the purple shit last night (spicy variety in a jar - delicious) and then drunk a load of red wine. Woke up with a hangover, went for a shit and was horrified. Then I remembered the beetroot. lol Fuck off. Or it could mean that you do have cancer and the beetroot is just sheer coincidence. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 Years ago I heard a scream from brothers bedroom. I ran in to find him in bed with red and brown in his hands and all over the bed, screaming he was hemorrhaging. The dozy drunken cunt had got home with a kebab, took it to bed to eat and fell asleep before he'd finished it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 23 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Years ago I heard a scream from brothers bedroom. I ran in to find him in bed with red and brown in his hands and all over the bed, screaming he was hemorrhaging. The dozy drunken cunt had got home with a kebab, took it to bed to eat and fell asleep before he'd finished it. Normal for Neil to find loads of blood and soil all over himself in the morning if he’s had a busy night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted April 3, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 37 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Call 111 and ask to be triaged to the mental health team. Stupid fucking cunt. How’s your quest to knock me off the leaderboard going? Not very well from what I can see! Stupid fucking cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 I'm not entirely convinced that half a kilo of Baxters Crinkle Cut falling out of your arse presages such an acute condition. Have you tried drinking a good quality drain cleaner? Keep us all updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 11 hours ago, Rev said: I'm not entirely convinced that half a kilo of Baxters Crinkle Cut falling out of your arse presages such an acute condition. Have you tried drinking a good quality drain cleaner? Keep us all updated. Or forgetting about dining on a can of Green Giant and misplacing ones necklace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Umbongo Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 ....or is it more likely to have been your boyfriend taking advantage of your drunken state and gave you a rough pummeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 15 hours ago, Ape™️ said: Ate a load of the purple shit last night (spicy variety in a jar - delicious) and then drunk a load of red wine. Woke up with a hangover, went for a shit and was horrified. Then I remembered the beetroot. lol Fuck off. Where did you purchase your beetroot Ape? Fortnum and Mason ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted April 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 9 hours ago, Earl of Punkape said: Where did you purchase your beetroot Ape? Fortnum and Mason ? I’ve never purchased a beetroot ape. Learn to use your words like a big boy, then try again. #imbecile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 5 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: I’ve never purchased a beetroot ape. Learn to use your words like a big boy, then try again. #imbecile You have to give it to Punkers Ape. Even in the midst of a pandemic he doesn’t swerve off script.Imagine if he actually is the Marquis of Knutsford and lives in a massive stately home and plays golf regularly with other chinless Hooray Henry’s and then has his manservant Archibald gently remove his 18ct love eggs every night before fisting him furiously to sleep while quietly reading him a Jeeves and Wooster bedtime story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 On 04/04/2020 at 05:11, Ape™️ said: Ate a load of the purple shit last night (spicy variety in a jar - delicious) and then drunk a load of red wine. Woke up with a hangover, went for a shit and was horrified. Then I remembered the beetroot. lol Fuck off. I’d give Asparagus a swerve too for the moment if you’re lurching towards hypochondria. A rigid cystoscopy is never a good start to the day from the end you’d be on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 1 minute ago, Last Cunt Standing said: I’d give Asparagus a swerve too A useful tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 9 minutes ago, King Billy said: A useful tip. dragon fruit also worth a miss. Looks like a late abortion when you stand up and look into the pan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southerncunt Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said: dragon fruit also worth a miss. Looks like a late abortion when you stand up and look into the pan. Plus it tastes of fuck all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 12 minutes ago, southerncunt said: Plus it tastes of fuck all. Tasteless fruit? You’re thinking of Punkape, surely? Hope all is well in Victoria. Any plague ships off your Coast? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 On 03/04/2020 at 22:43, Bill Stickers said: Call 111 and ask to be triaged to the mental health team. Stupid fucking cunt. Can you get bowel cancer..... please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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