Ape™️ Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 I like pasta and buy the decent quality dried varieties, as I find them better than fresh. The ape family particularly like penne. However, I have yet to open a packet of said pasta without the fucking bag splitting or tearing, as all the manufacturers appear to use some super-brittle shit that tears more easily than fucking rice paper. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to open the cunting packaging, but the result is the same. These packets optimistically offer a self adhesive resealing tab, but since the bag is inevitably in tatters after opening, it’s all a bit fucking pointless. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 9 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: I like pasta and buy the decent quality dried varieties, as I find them better than fresh. The ape family particularly like penne. However, I have yet to open a packet of said pasta without the fucking bag splitting or tearing, as all the manufacturers appear to use some super-brittle shit that tears more easily than fucking rice paper. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to open the cunting packaging, but the result is the same. These packets optimistically offer a self adhesive resealing tab, but since the bag is inevitably in tatters after opening, it’s all a bit fucking pointless. Fuck off. Have you tried alphabet spaghetti Ape? The packets made of some sort of metal shit. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 Water soluble ethylene-based polymers are (or will be) the solution. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/future-of-food/food-packaging-plastics-recycle-solutions/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 Just now, Cuntybaws said: Water soluble ethylene-based polymers are (or will be) the solution. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/future-of-food/food-packaging-plastics-recycle-solutions/ They don’t taste great though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 25 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: I like pasta and buy the decent quality dried varieties, as I find them better than fresh. The ape family particularly like penne. However, I have yet to open a packet of said pasta without the fucking bag splitting or tearing, as all the manufacturers appear to use some super-brittle shit that tears more easily than fucking rice paper. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to open the cunting packaging, but the result is the same. These packets optimistically offer a self adhesive resealing tab, but since the bag is inevitably in tatters after opening, it’s all a bit fucking pointless. Fuck off. Get some proper pasta containers. Get a pair of scissors and cut the corner of the packet, watch most of the penne pasta explode in all directions and then spend the next 20 minutes picking the fuckers up. Put them all in the bin. Open up a tin of Tesco spaghetti oops. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 26 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: I like pasta and buy the decent quality dried varieties, as I find them better than fresh. The ape family particularly like penne. However, I have yet to open a packet of said pasta without the fucking bag splitting or tearing, as all the manufacturers appear to use some super-brittle shit that tears more easily than fucking rice paper. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to open the cunting packaging, but the result is the same. These packets optimistically offer a self adhesive resealing tab, but since the bag is inevitably in tatters after opening, it’s all a bit fucking pointless. Fuck off. I absolutely detest the fact that this is acceptable. It also applies to the shit that bakeries pack cakes and rolls, even loaves in. And, what is the one thing you need to remove a new Stanley knife from it's blister pack ???... A FUCKING STANLEY KNIFE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 I can't fuckin believe this is a thread! My 2019 was blighted by geese and fuckin Chinese and if there's a Chinese goose, we're all fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: I absolutely detest the fact that this is acceptable. It also applies to the shit that bakeries pack cakes and rolls, even loaves in. And, what is the one thing you need to remove a new Stanley knife from it's blister pack ???... A FUCKING STANLEY KNIFE! It’s one of those chicken and egg things Eric. What came first. The Stanley knife or the blister pack? It was shit like that which kept Einstein and Hawking up every night. The only person who’s capable of solving that shit is Roops and she’s far too humble to show off, as everyone knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 Pasta is a load of shit invented by filthy, smelly, greasy Italian cunts who don’t deserve anything good to eat and whose wives have hairy backs and chins. Grazzi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 Virgin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 Beardy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 18 minutes ago, Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) said: Beardy Oh! It's a word association. Cunt who crashes balloons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 6 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Cunt who crashes balloons Max Pruss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 5 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Oh! It's a word association. Cunt who crashes balloons And allegedly doesn't do employee pensions properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted January 3, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: Virgin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 3, 2020 Report Share Posted January 3, 2020 17 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: "What do you do when approaching a humpback bridge"? "When approaching a humpback bridge, you must slow down, check both rear view mirrors and if theres nobody about you rip out the throat of a virgin...... oh outspan"! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 You just reminded me, I have some in a kitchen cupboard, two years past it's use by date, I've forgotten why I bought it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 On 03/01/2020 at 19:52, Ape™️ said: I like pasta and buy the decent quality dried varieties, as I find them better than fresh. The ape family particularly like penne. However, I have yet to open a packet of said pasta without the fucking bag splitting or tearing, as all the manufacturers appear to use some super-brittle shit that tears more easily than fucking rice paper. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to open the cunting packaging, but the result is the same. These packets optimistically offer a self adhesive resealing tab, but since the bag is inevitably in tatters after opening, it’s all a bit fucking pointless. Fuck off. First world problems ape. This is the same shit as rice packets- goes fucking everywhere and the cunting tape never sticks. I now put them in tupperware or similar to save me shouting "fucking cunt!" when I'm making the kids tea. Do the same, you daft twat- no offence Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 Actually the worse is flour and cornflour packets. They are the genuine fucking blitzkrieg of food packs. When one of these things split your world evaporates in an explosion of white. I once looked like the ghost of christmas future after one incident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted January 6, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 3 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: First world problems ape. This is the same shit as rice packets- goes fucking everywhere and the cunting tape never sticks. I now put them in tupperware or similar to save me shouting "fucking cunt!" when I'm making the kids tea. Do the same, you daft twat- no offence None taken, you dopey fucker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 30 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Actually the worse is flour and cornflour packets. They are the genuine fucking blitzkrieg of food packs. When one of these things split your world evaporates in an explosion of white. I once looked like the ghost of christmas future after one incident. Three rather uneducated looking characters were recently ejected from my local Morrisons for having a punch up over an organic ‘Roast in the bag’ hedgehog. I’ve no idea what nationality they were as they were shouting at each other in some sort of ‘pidgin’ English. Also there were dozens of children with them who were filling their pockets during the incident. They left in a couple of Transit vans towing caravans. Perhaps they were from Eastern Europe, here for a camping holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: I once looked like the ghost of christmas future after one incident. Like a plasterer's radio? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 56 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Like a plasterer's radio? or a paedo's dashboard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 1 hour ago, King Billy said: Three rather uneducated looking characters were recently ejected from my local Morrisons for having a punch up over an organic ‘Roast in the bag’ hedgehog. I’ve no idea what nationality they were as they were shouting at each other in some sort of ‘pidgin’ English. Also there were dozens of children with them who were filling their pockets during the incident. They left in a couple of Transit vans towing caravans. Perhaps they were from Eastern Europe, here for a camping holiday. Ah the old "start a fight" diversion. Two women start a fight and when security and staff get sucked in, other members of the tribe fill their bags. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted January 6, 2020 Report Share Posted January 6, 2020 26 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Ah the old "start a fight" diversion. Two women start a fight and when security and staff get sucked in, other members of the tribe fill their bags. You seem to know all about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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