Guest Ollyboro Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 My nomination for COTY only came into my conciousness a couple of hours before 2018 ended. Our Lass' mate works for one of the big supermarkets. Anyhow, a 32 year old (32 year old - not 22, or even 16) recently left his job, with this particular supermarket chain, to join the army. His entire army career lasted fewer than 25 days. He didn't like the army for the following reasons: They made him get up at 04:45 every morning. They made him make his bed and fold his clothes every morning. They made him have breakfast before 07.00 every morning. What the fuck was he expecting? Anyhow, after fewer than 25 days, he left the army. In the short time he was accepting Her Majesty's shilling, his parents - who he'd lived with prior to his army stint - moved from a three bedroom house in Middlesbrough, to a two bedroom house in Newcastle. And let his brother (who has just left the army - after many years service) move in with them. Thus leaving no room for laughing boy. Desperate for a job he went back to the supermarket. They were good enough to give him a job. Unfortunately his new hours are 04:00 - 11:00. He'd have got more of a lie- in if he'd stopped in the army. What a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 3 minutes ago, Ollyboro said: My nomination for COTY only came into my conciousness a couple of hours before 2018 ended. Our Lass' mate works for one of the big supermarkets. Anyhow, a 32 year old (32 year old - not 22, or even 16) recently left his job, with this particular supermarket chain, to join the army. His entire army career lasted fewer than 25 days. He didn't like the army for the following reasons: They made him get up at 04:45 every morning. They made him make his bed and fold his clothes every morning. They made him have breakfast before 07.00 every morning. What the fuck was he expecting? Anyhow, after fewer than 25 days, he left the army. In the short time he was accepting Her Majesty's shilling, his parents - who he'd lived with prior to his army stint - moved from a three bedroom house in Middlesbrough, to a two bedroom house in Newcastle. And let his brother (who has just left the army - after many years service) move in with them. Thus leaving no room for laughing boy. Desperate for a job he went back to the supermarket. They were good enough to give him a job. Unfortunately his new hours are 04:00 - 11:00. He'd have got more of a lie- in if he'd stopped in the army. What a cunt. Ollie,I'll be honest I never read any of it but I have you a like because I'm drunk,happy New year spaz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ollyboro Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 3 minutes ago, Snowy said: Ollie,I'll be honest I never read any of it but I have you a like because I'm drunk,happy New year spaz. Little Jimmy Osmond has had a stroke. 2019's got off to a fucking blinder. Ideally it would have been Donny, but I'll settle for the little cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 15 minutes ago, Ollyboro said: Little Jimmy Osmond has had a stroke. 2019's got off to a fucking blinder. Ideally it would have been Donny, but I'll settle for the little cunt. He's a clean living, teetotal Mormon and he still has a stroke. I bet he wished he'd been a hellraiser. He may not have lived long but he'd have had a fucking great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 Fuck me, there’s some serious competition there but, as long as he is above ground and breathing, it can only be the Blaircunt for me. One of my ambitions is to live long enough to be able to piss and shit on the cunt’s monument. ( arseholes like Blair don’t have graves like the proles) It will probably be on some remote Scottish island but, with the assistance of my Eurotrash “carer” ( robbing my pockets at every opportunity) and my Iranian “social worker” (pays taxes, vital to the U.K. economy) i’m sure I can stagger out of my wheelchair, pull down my trousers and pants, and shit all over the bastard. It gives me a warm glow all over just to think about it. 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 1 hour ago, judgetwi said: Fuck me, there’s some serious competition there but, as long as he is above ground and breathing, it can only be the Blaircunt for me. One of my ambitions is to live long enough to be able to piss and shit on the cunt’s monument. ( arseholes like Blair don’t have graves like the proles) It will probably be on some remote Scottish island but, with the assistance of my Eurotrash “carer” ( robbing my pockets at every opportunity) and my Iranian “social worker” (pays taxes, vital to the U.K. economy) i’m sure I can stagger out of my wheelchair, pull down my trousers and pants, and shit all over the bastard. It gives me a warm glow all over just to think about it. 😁 Your eyes are crossed, Judge, you're going to shit down your legs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miles Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 3 hours ago, judgetwi said: Fuck me, there’s some serious competition there but, as long as he is above ground and breathing, it can only be the Blaircunt for me. One of my ambitions is to live long enough to be able to piss and shit on the cunt’s monument. ( arseholes like Blair don’t have graves like the proles) It will probably be on some remote Scottish island but, with the assistance of my Eurotrash “carer” ( robbing my pockets at every opportunity) and my Iranian “social worker” (pays taxes, vital to the U.K. economy) i’m sure I can stagger out of my wheelchair, pull down my trousers and pants, and shit all over the bastard. It gives me a warm glow all over just to think about it. 😁 Happy New Year Juggles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 For me it's got to be the May cunt, failing in all departments to deliver on the Brexit vote, leave means LEAVE, out means OUT! And that goes for any cunt opposing the lawful termination of our subservience to the corrupt and controlling EU project. The EU must die, the sooner the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miles Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 9 minutes ago, cooze said: For me it's got to be the May cunt, failing in all departments to deliver on the Brexit vote, leave means LEAVE, out means OUT! And that goes for any cunt opposing the lawful termination of our subservience to the corrupt and controlling EU project. The EU must die, the sooner the better. I am not against the EU. In the context of the original members of the Steel and Coal Community it was and still is a good thing and has helped to preserve the peace. In the context of the UK is is a good thing just as long as we are not a member of it. We are a fairly large offshore island and our interests are different than mainland Europe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted January 1, 2019 Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 18 hours ago, judgetwi said: Fuck me, there’s some serious competition there but, as long as he is above ground and breathing, it can only be the Blaircunt for me. One of my ambitions is to live long enough to be able to piss and shit on the cunt’s monument. ( arseholes like Blair don’t have graves like the proles) It will probably be on some remote Scottish island but, with the assistance of my Eurotrash “carer” ( robbing my pockets at every opportunity) and my Iranian “social worker” (pays taxes, vital to the U.K. economy) i’m sure I can stagger out of my wheelchair, pull down my trousers and pants, and shit all over the bastard. It gives me a warm glow all over just to think about it. 😁 So are you a wheel chair bound spastic old shit pants cunt now then? Sounds like it. Don’t worry you will be allowed to jump the que to shit on Tony’s grave before me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted January 2, 2019 Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 1/1/2019 at 11:17 AM, The Bishop of Phlegm said: our interests are different than mainland Europe Yeah, we don't think frogs and snails are suitable food for humans! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 2, 2019 Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 Politicians - all of them! Brexit - no, wait! Don't runaway, this is going soewhere new, honest - is the biggest issue of our times, but can you vote for a party that will Leave the EU or remain in the EU? No you can't because these cunts are to lazy and arrogant, telling us all what we did and didn't vote for. Oh and if there's a Lifetime Award' going, that cunt Chris Grayling is right up for it - the Northern Rail timetable fiasco, giving a multi-million pound freight contract to a shell comapany with no boats and experience of freight transport, Crossrail, HS2, the Gatwick 'er, there mightn't be any drones actually' fiasco, I mean what an industrial-strength arsehole he is! Jose Mourinho Cunts been found out good and proper now, but will still ride the gravy train somewhere where they think his brand of self-aggrandising voodoo still has traction. Laura Kuenssberg ...and her yappy 'chihuahua with piles' interviewing technique Ryan Moore For riding like a cunt whenever I back any of his mounts. Every fucking time, the gnomic cack-wizard! Nicky Campbell For shoehorning in a Scottish angle into every one of his interviews "Today I'll be talking with Kjetll the Eskimo about the effect of a largely seal blubber diet and it's effect on the digestive tract - and focussing on whether citizens of the Gorbals can learn anything from this?" That kind of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 2, 2019 Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 2 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Politicians - all of them! Brexit - no, wait! Don't runaway, this is going soewhere new, honest - is the biggest issue of our times, but can you vote for a party that will Leave the EU or remain in the EU? No you can't because these cunts are to lazy and arrogant, telling us all what we did and didn't vote for. Oh and if there's a Lifetime Award' going, that cunt Chris Grayling is right up for it - the Northern Rail timetable fiasco, giving a multi-million pound freight contract to a shell comapany with no boats and experience of freight transport, Crossrail, HS2, the Gatwick 'er, there mightn't be any drones actually' fiasco, I mean what an industrial-strength arsehole he is! Jose Mourinho Cunts been found out good and proper now, but will still ride the gravy train somewhere where they think his brand of self-aggrandising voodoo still has traction. Laura Kuenssberg ...and her yappy 'chihuahua with piles' interviewing technique Ryan Moore For riding like a cunt whenever I back any of his mounts. Every fucking time, the gnomic cack-wizard! Nicky Campbell For shoehorning in a Scottish angle into every one of his interviews "Today I'll be talking with Kjetll the Eskimo about the effect of a largely seal blubber diet and it's effect on the digestive tract - and focussing on whether citizens of the Gorbals can learn anything from this?" That kind of thing. It's the politicians for me Jiggers, exclusively and decisively. They are the single greatest threat the country. They have shouldered us tot he fucking yanks, to the point of a global punchline to a bad joke. I only wish I could name ONE solely responsible for sending our autonomy, leadership and influence down pan, but none have stepped up to right the ship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Mine has to be Robbie Williams, and will be perpetually until the day he drops the fuck dead. My suggestion that he play Aghan/Iraqi wedding ceremonies was recently removed from social media. Shame, as being caught up in a suicide bombing would be a rather lovely way for the sanctimonious and talentless fucking cunt to shuffle off this mortal coil. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 2 minutes ago, nocti said: Mine has to be Robbie Williams, and will be perpetually until the day he drops the fuck dead. My suggestion that he play Aghan/Iraqi wedding ceremonies was recently removed from social media. Shame, as being caught up in a suicide bombing would be a rather lovely way for the sanctimonious and talentless fucking cunt to shuffle off this mortal coil. I'm hoping him and Simon Cowell simultaneously OD whilst back scuttling one another watching beast fucking snuff scat porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 42 minutes ago, nocti said: Mine has to be Robbie Williams, and will be perpetually until the day he drops the fuck dead. My suggestion that he play Aghan/Iraqi wedding ceremonies was recently removed from social media. Shame, as being caught up in a suicide bombing would be a rather lovely way for the sanctimonious and talentless fucking cunt to shuffle off this mortal coil. As much as it pains me to say, I'd now rather that it was his doner meat carving, fucking pig of a missus who gets stage four rectal cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted January 5, 2019 Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 On 1/1/2019 at 11:57 PM, Monumental cunt said: So are you a wheel chair bound spastic old shit pants cunt now then? Sounds like it. Don’t worry you will be allowed to jump the que to shit on Tony’s grave before me. Not necessary for me to jump the “que” as you call it. I don’t need any favours from a pretend rich internet braggart wanker. I’ll be quite happy to smash my wheelchair over your lying fucking head while i’m waiting for my turn to shit. Thanks anyway. 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted January 5, 2019 Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 13 minutes ago, judgetwi said: Not necessary for me to jump the “que” as you call it. I don’t need any favours from a pretend rich internet braggart wanker. I’ll be quite happy to smash my wheelchair over your lying fucking head while i’m waiting for my turn to shit. Thanks anyway. 😁 I won’t be in the que. VIP tickets of course, you fucking low level wheel chair bound spasticated cunt. Happy new year Cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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