camberwell gypsy Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 2 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: The amount of money wasted by virtually the entire country at Christmas is staggering but worst of all are totally useless fucking presents that simply have to be bought by family members. Oh great, Bradley Wiggins autobiography, a car cleaning kit, novelty socks and other such crap that sits in a draw for a couple of years that goes to a charity shop or the tip. I'm sure most punters here will suffer the same fate and try to thank the gift giver sincerely when all we wanted was a bottle of booze or a tenner Let me tell you this, Bradley Wiggins' autobiography was excellent. I got it for Xmas last year and my hamsters love it. The pages at the bottom of the cage soak up their piss and shit brilliantly. Glad the personality vacuum has done something fucking useful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 I've been out searching all day Tim and I think ive found you the perfect gift,the Tony and guy hair clippers will be for you're birthday,I hope you like it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 12 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: The amount of money wasted by virtually the entire country at Christmas is staggering but worst of all are totally useless fucking presents that simply have to be bought by family members. Oh great, Bradley Wiggins autobiography, a car cleaning kit, novelty socks and other such crap that sits in a draw for a couple of years that goes to a charity shop or the tip. I'm sure most punters here will suffer the same fate and try to thank the gift giver sincerely when all we wanted was a bottle of booze or a tenner I remember getting a pitchfork from my Aunty Vi one year. Well you can see where this one's going Slub.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 11 minutes ago, ratcum said: I remember getting a pitchfork from my Aunty Vi one year. Well you can see where this one's going Slub.. I can see the disappointment in rattys beady little eyes on Christmas morning.... "oh great, another copy of Mein Kampf...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ollyboro Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 12 hours ago, 'eavensabove said: As to why I fuck off and away from it all. The biggest cunt, is those that send you a poxy Christmas card "from all at No. 22" Hah! This reminds me of the first Christmas my mate spent in his new home in a large cul-de-sac. He'd received a couple of cards from "everyone at no.5" and "the Shitheads at 19". Anyhow, one night three of us went back to his house for some après pub refreshments. The silly cunt fell asleep, leaving his unwritten cards in full view. We wrote a card out to "everyone at no.5" and signed it "from Stephen, Quentin and Mr Cream (our pussy!!)" and posted it. We then put no.19's card back in its envelope and stuck it back through their letterbox. A cunt's trick, I'm sure you'll agree. Although not as big a cunt's trick as the time I changed a mate's answering machine message to: "Hello, it's Martin. I can't come to the phone right now, because I'm currently on the vinegar strokes. Leave your name and number and I'll call you back when I've finished myself off." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 12 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: On a related subject. You, Roadkill and I are all podium position on the leaderboard. Frank must be absolutely delighted.😡 Indeed he is. He's currently sat between RK & Wizz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Ollyboro said: Hah! This reminds me of the first Christmas my mate spent in his new home in a large cul-de-sac. He'd received a couple of cards from "everyone at no.5" and "the Shitheads at 19". Anyhow, one night three of us went back to his house for some après pub refreshments. The silly cunt fell asleep, leaving his unwritten cards in full view. We wrote a card out to "everyone at no.5" and signed it "from Stephen, Quentin and Mr Cream (our pussy!!)" and posted it. We then put no.19's card back in its envelope and stuck it back through their letterbox. A cunt's trick, I'm sure you'll agree. Although not as big a cunt's trick as the time I changed a mate's answering machine message to: "Hello, it's Martin. I can't come to the phone right now, because I'm currently on the vinegar strokes. Leave your name and number and I'll call you back when I've finished myself off." Like your style, Olly. A plastic sachet of Squid Ink under the Turkey skin always goes down well too, and if you're fortunate enough to see any book-sized gifts to their wife under the tree, to replace it with a book 'Scat for Beginners' (copies available from Fwanky) or 'DIY Decree Nisi' for example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 4 hours ago, scotty said: I can see the disappointment in rattys beady little eyes on Christmas morning.... "oh great, another copy of Mein Kampf...." If you view it as the Haynes Manual for Fucked Economy Mark 1., it's really quite good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 15 hours ago, 'eavensabove said: As to why I fuck off and away from it all. The biggest cunt, is those that send you a poxy Christmas card "from all at No. 22" for example, a family of complete morons who never say fuck all during the year and you've made every effort to fuck them off and to move some place else. Out come their poxy illuminations and "Santa Come Here" signs and a 20 year old wreath that belonged to one of their late cuntbreds and is hung upon the front door. The cunt of an owner, cant be arsed all fucking year to tend to the outside of his house, but all of a sudden he's up on a ladder pegging 1000 yards of flashing lights on the roof which turns the Road into Heathrow fucking airport with Virgin Air landing their Jumbo Jets in your driveway and your porch becomes laden with lost luggage whilst some foreign twat shows you his Visa and parks his arse in your lounge before then stuffing YOUR booze into his rucksack and fucks off with his bag of Duty Free whilst you're too fucking busy taking bookings for the next flight out to Bongo Land. And all because of the twat at No. 22 Then you actually run into them whilst out for a lovely night out with somebody you might actually care about, or have paid top dollar to care about you for a few hours, and they begin droning on about how adorable their youngest dribbling mong looks in hi/her annual ghastly Christmas sweater. The close together squinty eyes, the parted teeth, extra large forehead with the odd cystic lump.....during the nights leading up to the big day, use sealant around all windows and doors, leaving only a moderate sized hole to accommodate a hose to deliver large, lethal doses of carbon monoxide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 5 hours ago, ratcum said: I remember getting a pitchfork from my Aunty Vi one year. Well you can see where this one's going Slub.. A twitching foetus on each prong I'm guessing 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 15 hours ago, Snowy said: I've been out searching all day Tim and I think ive found you the perfect gift,the Tony and guy hair clippers will be for you're birthday,I hope you like it. I spunked a gallon when I read this 15 hours ago flakey. I'm still at half mast now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 32 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: A twitching foetus on each prong I'm guessing yeah. Saturday job at the abortion clinic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 34 minutes ago, ratcum said: yeah. Saturday job at the abortion clinic Do you still have Frank's infant brain in a glass of formaldehyde? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 15 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Do you still have Frank's infant brain in a glass of formaldehyde? no Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 16, 2018 Report Share Posted December 16, 2018 1 minute ago, ratcum said: no It was too small to be served up, so what became of it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 7 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: I spunked a gallon when I read this 15 hours ago flakey. I'm still at half mast now It's been 7 hours since I read this and I still find you a perverted, creepy ,rock fondling , ponytail sporting,hippy cunt . Glad I could be of service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 8 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Then you actually run into them whilst out for a lovely night out with somebody you might actually care about, or have paid top dollar to care about you for a few hours, and they begin droning on about how adorable their youngest dribbling mong looks in hi/her annual ghastly Christmas sweater. The close together squinty eyes, the parted teeth, extra large forehead with the odd cystic lump.....during the nights leading up to the big day, use sealant around all windows and doors, leaving only a moderate sized hole to accommodate a hose to deliver large, lethal doses of carbon monoxide. Fuck Wiz, remind me not to piss you off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 9 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Fuck Wiz, remind me not to piss you off. Make sure that his Brussels Sprouts are al dente when he's at yours for Xmas lunch, and he only eats leg-meat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gobbles Magoo Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 Last year I wrapped my dick in edible gift paper and put a fuckin edible tinsel bow on it and that homeless bitch still asked me for 10p. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 12 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Fuck Wiz, remind me not to piss you off. I don't recall you mentioning having such a mongy sprog, Gyps. I think your safe in that regard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 2 hours ago, 'eavensabove said: Make sure that his Brussels Sprouts are al dente when he's at yours for Xmas lunch, and he only eats leg-meat. With just a little brown sauce on the side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 1 hour ago, Gobbles Magoo said: Last year I wrapped my dick in edible gift paper and put a fuckin edible tinsel bow on it and that homeless bitch still asked me for 10p. I can imagine the look on her face when after weeks of starving on the streets, you offered up a morsel that wouldn't even be a mouthful for a premature kitten afflicted with prognathism. On the other hand, at least it smelled like her usual dish of choice, dog shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 17, 2018 Report Share Posted December 17, 2018 2 minutes ago, Decimus said: I can imagine the look on her face when after weeks of starving on the streets, you offered up a morsel that wouldn't even be a mouthful for a premature kitten afflicted with prognathism. On the other hand, at least it smelled like her usual dish of choice, dog shit. How do you know it was from a dog? Frank's been rather quiet lately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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