Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 Hurr durr, I'm posting a nom that references a topical news story with a bird in it to try and get some likes. Katie Quackenbush is some pneumatic yank tart with blow up tits, blow up lips, hair harvested from Indians (dot, not feather) and a temper. Daddy is a lawyer so she will probably get away with it. Apparently she's not a tart but a $800 service girl. Semantics. She's an angry little tart. I'm in two minds over this one. She's 26 but she looks about 46 thanks to all the shoddy cosmetic refurbishment she's had installed. At the same time I'd still throw one up her, even if she shot a homeless guy. Anyway, the punchlines write themselves. She's had so many clients that she now has a Quackenbush. Boom boom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 She looks like the result of somebody leaving their sex doll too close to the fireplace. Skanky two-bit fucking tramp. I bet neil would make her airtight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Then I'd tie her to one of them old-fashioned metal beds and feed her her own shit with a spoon. Then get Bono round to fuck her, and set them both alight when he's on his gravy stroke. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 3 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Then I'd tie her to one of them old-fashioned metal beds and feed her her own shit with a spoon. Then get Bono round to fuck her, and set them both alight when he's on his gravy stroke. Have Mills & Boon been in touch about signing you for an 8 book contract yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Then I'd tie her to one of them old-fashioned metal beds and feed her her own shit with a spoon. Then get Bono round to fuck her, and set them both alight when he's on his gravy stroke. I imagine there'd be rose petals strewn about the place, and some smooth jazz playing softly in the background too CC you soppy old romanticist bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 14 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Did you ever work for Scottish Widows? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 15 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Then I'd tie her to one of them old-fashioned metal beds and feed her her own shit with a spoon. Then get Bono round to fuck her, and set them both alight when he's on his gravy stroke. You do know Europe went through something called The Renaissance don't you Captain Insensible? Only the most antediluvian armpit bug has a 'coffee table' these days. The same sort that has racks for toast. Or magazines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 25 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Then I'd tie her to one of them old-fashioned metal beds and feed her her own shit with a spoon. Then get Bono round to fuck her, and set them both alight when he's on his gravy stroke. Who says real romance is dead skipper, you silver tongued old devil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 12 minutes ago, ratcum said: You do know Europe went through something called The Renaissance don't you Captain Insensible? Only the most antediluvian armpit bug has a 'coffee table' these days. The same sort that has racks for toast. Or magazines. Renaissance were shit. All that fret-wanking prog rock shit. Apart from 'Northern Lights', that were passable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 31 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Have Mills & Boon been in touch about signing you for an 8 book contract yet? 'Fuck Me With A Piece Of Barbed Wire, Jimmy Dean' is due for release in November. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Cap'n Cunt said: 'Fuck Me With A Piece Of Barbed Wire, Jimmy Dean' is due for release in November. Superb! I've been waiting for your follow up to 'shunt my arse behind the five and dime'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 3 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: Renaissance were shit. All that fret-wanking prog rock shit. Apart from 'Northern Lights', that were passable. The design brief for your head showed excessive use of the space bar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 3 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: Renaissance were shit. All that fret-wanking prog rock shit. Apart from 'Northern Lights', that were passable. Ashes Are Burning and Scheherazade and Other Stories are good albums if a bit overblown, and Jon Camp was an inventive if perhaps not technically gifted bassist. I don't get the appeal of Annie Haslam, as everybody's mum looked like that in the '70s, down to the lifeless curtains of hair and crap unflattering makeup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 5 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Ashes Are Burning and Scheherazade and Other Stories are good albums if a bit overblown, and Jon Camp was an inventive if perhaps not technically gifted bassist. I don't get the appeal of Annie Haslam, as everybody's mum looked like that in the '70s, down to the lifeless curtains of hair and crap unflattering makeup. I'd rather shag her than Ron Haslam, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd rather shag her than Ron Haslam, though. What about a couple of thick-cut slices of haslet warmed up in the microwave? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Tata Steely Dan said: What about a couple of thick-cut slices of haslet warmed up in the microwave? Is this some sort of dinner/sex invitation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 Quakenbush.... that explains the duck face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Cap'n Cunt said: Is this some sort of dinner/sex invitation? The microwave is always on, honey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted September 17, 2017 Report Share Posted September 17, 2017 4 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd rather shag her than Ron Haslam, though. He was a proper racer, I remember his crew failed to get his bike working and told him he'd have to sit out the race. He got a lift to the local Kawasaki dealership, bought a road bike, smashed the lights and mirrors off it and rode that instead. Sadly, no cunt would be allowed to that nowadays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 6 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: He was a proper racer, I remember his crew failed to get his bike working and told him he'd have to sit out the race. He got a lift to the local Kawasaki dealership, bought a road bike, smashed the lights and mirrors off it and rode that instead. Sadly, no cunt would be allowed to that nowadays. I remember Ron racing in 1976. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 6 hours ago, Snowflake said: Quakenbush.... that explains the duck face. I'd wager there's not single pube on her beef curtains, let alone a bush, quaking or otherwise. But I'd put my mortgage on a profusion of scabs, crabs and a fishy discharge thanks to the mile of cock that's been chucked up there. Saying that I wouldn't say no to a tit wank but will pass on the scatting a la mon capitaine thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 She's a mom .. she wouldn't do anything like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 9 hours ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'd quite like to lie underneath a glass-topped coffe table and have a wank while she shits on the table. Then I'd tie her to one of them old-fashioned metal beds and feed her her own shit with a spoon. Then get Bono round to fuck her, and set them both alight when he's on his gravy stroke. You're just an old romantic aren't you Cap? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 9 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: He was a proper racer, I remember his crew failed to get his bike working and told him he'd have to sit out the race. He got a lift to the local Kawasaki dealership, bought a road bike, smashed the lights and mirrors off it and rode that instead. Sadly, no cunt would be allowed to that nowadays. Motorbike racing's for irons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Trumpton Bacon Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 10 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: He was a proper racer, I remember his crew failed to get his bike working and told him he'd have to sit out the race. He got a lift to the local Kawasaki dealership, bought a road bike, smashed the lights and mirrors off it and rode that instead. Sadly, no cunt would be allowed to that nowadays. Most notable for his lightning starts, hence "Rocket Ron". Shame he never quite had the staying power to finish GP's on the podium regularly, if he had HRC probably wouldn't have relegated him to riding all the weird stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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