Guest Cupid Stunt Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 I don't believe what I've just witnessed. I was sat in my village local enjoying my liquid Sunday lunch gazing out the bay window and dreamingly thinking of days of yore when a car pulled up outside with a man driver and woman passenger. The man got out and was crossing the street to enter the pub when it suddenly dawned on him something was missing. When the light bulb eventually went on in his thick inbred head, he realized he had 'inadvertently' locked his other half in the car. Now, instead of manning up and just leaving her there, the dopey fucker obviously terrified of repercussions rushes across the road to let the old trouble and strife out of the vehicle. What an opportunity wasted. He really should have left her in the car (she could have cracked open a window, I mean it's not the same as leaving a child or a beloved family pet in there for fuck's sake) and enjoyed a couple or three nag-free hours in the boozer. He would have been able to have as many pints as he wanted, flirted with the waitresses while he ate his lunch, chatted up the not unattractive barmaid, broke wind with impunity, and have a good laugh and a joke with the locals at the bar but the stupid cunt blew it. After he's wanked himself off tonight because he's received the cold shoulder, I hope the twat realizes the error of his ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 5 minutes ago, Cupid Stunt said: I don't believe what I've just witnessed. I was sat in my village local enjoying my liquid Sunday lunch gazing out the bay window and dreamingly thinking of days of yore when a car pulled up outside with a man driver and woman passenger. The man got out and was crossing the street to enter the pub when it suddenly dawned on him something was missing. When the light bulb eventually went on in his thick inbred head, he realized he had 'inadvertently' locked his other half in the car. Now, instead of manning up and just leaving her there, the dopey fucker obviously terrified of repercussions rushes across the road to let the old trouble and strife out of the vehicle. What an opportunity wasted. He really should have left her in the car (she could have cracked open a window, I mean it's not the same as leaving a child or a beloved family pet in there for fuck's sake) and enjoyed a couple or three nag-free hours in the boozer. He would have been able to have as many pints as he wanted, flirted with the waitresses while he ate his lunch, chatted up the not unattractive barmaid, broke wind with impunity, and have a good laugh and a joke with the locals at the bar but the stupid cunt blew it. After he's wanked himself off tonight because he's received the cold shoulder, I hope the twat realizes the error of his ways. After a while, some people don't even hear the crack of the whip... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, Cupid Stunt said: I don't believe what I've just witnessed. I was sat in my village local enjoying my liquid Sunday lunch gazing out the bay window and dreamingly thinking of days of yore when a car pulled up outside with a man driver and woman passenger. The man got out and was crossing the street to enter the pub when it suddenly dawned on him something was missing. When the light bulb eventually went on in his thick inbred head, he realized he had 'inadvertently' locked his other half in the car. Now, instead of manning up and just leaving her there, the dopey fucker obviously terrified of repercussions rushes across the road to let the old trouble and strife out of the vehicle. What an opportunity wasted. He really should have left her in the car (she could have cracked open a window, I mean it's not the same as leaving a child or a beloved family pet in there for fuck's sake) and enjoyed a couple or three nag-free hours in the boozer. He would have been able to have as many pints as he wanted, flirted with the waitresses while he ate his lunch, chatted up the not unattractive barmaid, broke wind with impunity, and have a good laugh and a joke with the locals at the bar but the stupid cunt blew it. After he's wanked himself off tonight because he's received the cold shoulder, I hope the twat realizes the error of his ways. I didn't realise you lived so near to Monumental cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 All she had to do was jiggle around a bit and the alarm would have gone off, then he would have looked a twat. That would have learned the daft cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 5 minutes ago, nobgobbler said: All she had to do was jiggle around a bit and the alarm would have gone off, then he would have looked a twat. That would have learned the daft cunt. Unless he "accidentally" dropped the car keys down the drain on the way back and had to get a taxi via Hawaii for five days with their savings to get the spare set from the house... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 Pile of shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 I once drove off while my niece was getting in the back of the car. Drove off while she was only half in. ... well it made me laugh anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 9 minutes ago, nobgobbler said: I once drove off while my niece was getting in the back of the car. Drove off while she was only half in. ... well it made me laugh anyway. You're a woman though, aren't you? and therefore driving related mishaps are all part of your life. Vanity mirrors aren't the only mirrors on a car you daft bint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 Imagine if you ordered a George Foreman Grill but the actual cunt himself was in the box? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 31 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: You're a woman though, aren't you? and therefore driving related mishaps are all part of your life. Vanity mirrors aren't the only mirrors on a car you daft bint. I often found that tilting mirror thingy at the top of the windscreen useful while putting on my lippy or taking out my heated rollers at the traffic lights and zebra crossings on the way to work. A quick run through with a dog comb while stuck behind a bus for that sexy rough look, job done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 10 minutes ago, ratcum said: Imagine if you ordered a George Foreman Grill but the actual cunt himself was in the box? In that case, never order anything made by anybody called Trump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 11 minutes ago, ratcum said: Imagine if you ordered a George Foreman Grill but the actual cunt himself was in the box? My late Great Uncle Herman always refused to work on wankel engines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 Frank, welcomes the opportunity of being left in the car as his wife's a complete embarrassment. In fact, so is he (and also a Cunt to boot) but one of them needs to drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 6 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said: Frank, welcomes the opportunity of being left in the car, as his wife's a complete embarrassment. In fact, so is he, but one of them needs to drive. Have you heard my rendition of this one, fuckwit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 2 minutes ago, Frank said: Have you heard my rendition of this one, fuckwit? No. I haven't, though I do know that it will be shit, Fwankie me ol' gal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 18 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said: Frank, welcomes the opportunity of being left in the car as his wife's a complete embarrassment. In fact, so is he (and also a Cunt to boot) but one of them needs to drive. Derogatory remarks towards members wives and family is out of order. You know that Jazz. Reported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 27 minutes ago, ratcum said: Imagine if you ordered a George Foreman Grill but the actual cunt himself was in the box? Could be worse: could have been Jaime Foreman (fat cunt from EastEnders, Layer cake and the racist taxi driver from The Football Factory). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 2 minutes ago, Frank said: Derogatory remarks towards members wives and family is out of order. You know that Jazz. Reported. Twat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 15 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said: No. I haven't, though I do know that it will be shit, Fwankie me ol' gal. Luckily my web crawlers harvested a copy before it was deleted. Unfortunately, I cannot reproduce it here in its entirety without facing serious cooler time. "Ohhh, you're gonna see ol’ Frankie - a-sheba-shimmy-shake, Ha!.. and all that Jazz I'm gonna shimmy-shimmy-shoo till me garters break, hoo hahh.. BOOM, and all that Jazz" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Luckily my web crawlers harvested a copy before it was deleted. Unfortunately, I cannot reproduce it here in its entirety without facing serious cooler time. "Ohhh, you're gonna see ol’ Frankie - a-sheba-shimmy-shake, Ha!.. and all that Jazz I'm gonna shimmy-shimmy-shoo till me garters break, hoo hahh.. BOOM, and all that Jazz" Just over 4 months I think Baws. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, Frank said: Just over 4 months I think Baws. It didn't help that you doubled down on "When Ding says nothing at all". "The smile on your face let's me know that you're simple There's spunk in your eyes and in your anal dimple" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 7 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: It didn't help that you doubled down on "When Ding says nothing at all". "The smile on your face let's me know that you're simple There's spunk in your eyes and in your anal dimple" My audience may be long gone, but they'll always be you Baws. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 55 minutes ago, nobgobbler said: In that case, never order anything made by anybody called Trump. good old Gobber; like Sarah Jessica Parker but without the hooves. Or the tail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 52 minutes ago, The Beast said: My late Great Uncle Herman always refused to work on wankel engines. Remember Audi/NSU? The poor jerries had no idea how that sounded to us plucky Brits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted July 9, 2017 Report Share Posted July 9, 2017 39 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Could be worse: could have been Jaime Foreman (fat cunt from EastEnders, Layer cake and the racist taxi driver from The Football Factory). Working class culture references are wasted on me Gypo. Maybe if he's coxed at Glyndebourne? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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