Cancer Inspired Doggerel

[Guest Ollyboro]

The death of Bradley Lowery is extremely sad. His story is heartbreaking, and yes, Jermain Defoe has surpassed my expectations with his genuine emotional involvement. However, the overreaction....Christ. Mackem fans are truly surpassing themselves. I've read suggested tributes to the wee man which include:

Naming a stand after him.

Retiring the Sunderland no.5 or no.6 shirt (he was 5 when it looked hopeless; 6 when he passed)

Naming a family enclosure after him.

The very worst thing I've read is this fucking poem. (Posted by a Scouser. Not like them to jump on a passing grief bandwagon.)

 

Some of you on the forums may remember that there used to be an LFC poetry thread, I wrote a few things on there, and dusted off the pen for an ode to Brad this morning...

"If bravery had a face I’m sure,
You’d find millions who’d agree,
They’d be hard pressed to find an example better
Than 6 year old Bradley.

As millions of us began to learn
Of the cheeky Mackem’s fight;
We sang, we marched, we prayed, we cried,
We all joined Bradley’s fight.

Sunderland, his one and only team,
And as mascot, led the way;
His half time goal joined the honour roll,
For that weeks Match of the Day

His hero became his best friend,
It was just love, and not for show 
“A better man he’s made of me”
Said proudly by Defoe 

As Brad’s cloak approached 90 minutes 
And his time was getting near,
Whilst dreams of Sunderland filled his head,
God whispered in his ear..

“I know you’re tired right now Brad,
..and whilst you think this is a dream,
I’m picking God’s eleven,
...and I need you for my team”

So this morning, whilst there will be tears,
There’s a 6 year old in heaven,
Who’s just pulled on the football shirt,
He’s part of God’s eleven.

Now whilst you’re not here anymore,
We hope the world has shown,
It doesn’t matter who you follow kid,
You’ll Never Walk Alone"

 

Bradley would be turning in his grave if he read that - if he'd been buried yet.

[Cuntybaws]

You heartless cunt, you should try working "neuroblastoma" into iambic pentameter before you go criticising others.

[Eddie]

54 minutes ago, Ollyboro said:

The death of Bradley Lowery is extremely sad. His story is heartbreaking, and yes, Jermain Defoe has surpassed my expectations with his genuine emotional involvement. However, the overreaction....Christ. Mackem fans are truly surpassing themselves. I've read suggested tributes to the wee man which include:

Naming a stand after him.

Retiring the Sunderland no.5 or no.6 shirt (he was 5 when it looked hopeless; 6 when he passed)

Naming a family enclosure after him.

The very worst thing I've read is this fucking poem. (Posted by a Scouser. Not like them to jump on a passing grief bandwagon.)

 

Some of you on the forums may remember that there used to be an LFC poetry thread, I wrote a few things on there, and dusted off the pen for an ode to Brad this morning...

"If bravery had a face I’m sure,
You’d find millions who’d agree,
They’d be hard pressed to find an example better
Than 6 year old Bradley.

As millions of us began to learn
Of the cheeky Mackem’s fight;
We sang, we marched, we prayed, we cried,
We all joined Bradley’s fight.

Sunderland, his one and only team,
And as mascot, led the way;
His half time goal joined the honour roll,
For that weeks Match of the Day

His hero became his best friend,
It was just love, and not for show 
“A better man he’s made of me”
Said proudly by Defoe 

As Brad’s cloak approached 90 minutes 
And his time was getting near,
Whilst dreams of Sunderland filled his head,
God whispered in his ear..

“I know you’re tired right now Brad,
..and whilst you think this is a dream,
I’m picking God’s eleven,
...and I need you for my team”

So this morning, whilst there will be tears,
There’s a 6 year old in heaven,
Who’s just pulled on the football shirt,
He’s part of God’s eleven.

Now whilst you’re not here anymore,
We hope the world has shown,
It doesn’t matter who you follow kid,
You’ll Never Walk Alone"

 

Bradley would be turning in his grave if he read that - if he'd been buried yet.

I just puked in my mouth...

[Guest Manky]

I am working on converting 'Ride of the Valkyries' to a Haiku poem. It is not quite complete yet but,

Gollum you festering cunt

Your milkround is short.........

 

           Help please

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

Fuck! A work of true scouse grief, I feel for Bradley's family but it is no reason to write a load of gushing shit like that.

[Witheredscrote]

This is a new low for Cunts Corner.

Yours,

Disgusted of France.

[Guest N/A]

4 hours ago, Ollyboro said:

The death of Bradley Lowery is extremely sad. His story is heartbreaking, and yes, Jermain Defoe has surpassed my expectations with his genuine emotional involvement. However, the overreaction....Christ. Mackem fans are truly surpassing themselves. I've read suggested tributes to the wee man which include:

Naming a stand after him.

Retiring the Sunderland no.5 or no.6 shirt (he was 5 when it looked hopeless; 6 when he passed)

Naming a family enclosure after him.

The very worst thing I've read is this fucking poem. (Posted by a Scouser. Not like them to jump on a passing grief bandwagon.)

 

Some of you on the forums may remember that there used to be an LFC poetry thread, I wrote a few things on there, and dusted off the pen for an ode to Brad this morning...

"If bravery had a face I’m sure,
You’d find millions who’d agree,
They’d be hard pressed to find an example better
Than 6 year old Bradley.

As millions of us began to learn
Of the cheeky Mackem’s fight;
We sang, we marched, we prayed, we cried,
We all joined Bradley’s fight.

Sunderland, his one and only team,
And as mascot, led the way;
His half time goal joined the honour roll,
For that weeks Match of the Day

His hero became his best friend,
It was just love, and not for show 
“A better man he’s made of me”
Said proudly by Defoe 

As Brad’s cloak approached 90 minutes 
And his time was getting near,
Whilst dreams of Sunderland filled his head,
God whispered in his ear..

“I know you’re tired right now Brad,
..and whilst you think this is a dream,
I’m picking God’s eleven,
...and I need you for my team”

So this morning, whilst there will be tears,
There’s a 6 year old in heaven,
Who’s just pulled on the football shirt,
He’s part of God’s eleven.

Now whilst you’re not here anymore,
We hope the world has shown,
It doesn’t matter who you follow kid,
You’ll Never Walk Alone"

 

Bradley would be turning in his grave if he read that - if he'd been buried yet.

Have the scoucers blamed the following for Bradley's death yet..

1) Theresa May

2) NHS cuts

3) The Police

4) The Tory Party

5) The Sun Newspaper

6) Juve Fans

7) That paving flag is a trip hazard and could kill someone

[camberwell gypsy]

5 hours ago, Ollyboro said:

The death of Bradley Lowery is extremely sad. His story is heartbreaking, and yes, Jermain Defoe has surpassed my expectations with his genuine emotional involvement. However, the overreaction....Christ. Mackem fans are truly surpassing themselves. I've read suggested tributes to the wee man which include:

Naming a stand after him.

Retiring the Sunderland no.5 or no.6 shirt (he was 5 when it looked hopeless; 6 when he passed)

Naming a family enclosure after him.

The very worst thing I've read is this fucking poem. (Posted by a Scouser. Not like them to jump on a passing grief bandwagon.)

 

Some of you on the forums may remember that there used to be an LFC poetry thread, I wrote a few things on there, and dusted off the pen for an ode to Brad this morning...

"If bravery had a face I’m sure,
You’d find millions who’d agree,
They’d be hard pressed to find an example better
Than 6 year old Bradley.

As millions of us began to learn
Of the cheeky Mackem’s fight;
We sang, we marched, we prayed, we cried,
We all joined Bradley’s fight.

Sunderland, his one and only team,
And as mascot, led the way;
His half time goal joined the honour roll,
For that weeks Match of the Day

His hero became his best friend,
It was just love, and not for show 
“A better man he’s made of me”
Said proudly by Defoe 

As Brad’s cloak approached 90 minutes 
And his time was getting near,
Whilst dreams of Sunderland filled his head,
God whispered in his ear..

“I know you’re tired right now Brad,
..and whilst you think this is a dream,
I’m picking God’s eleven,
...and I need you for my team”

So this morning, whilst there will be tears,
There’s a 6 year old in heaven,
Who’s just pulled on the football shirt,
He’s part of God’s eleven.

Now whilst you’re not here anymore,
We hope the world has shown,
It doesn’t matter who you follow kid,
You’ll Never Walk Alone"

 

Bradley would be turning in his grave if he read that - if he'd been buried yet.

That's beautiful 

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

7 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

That's beautiful 

Sorry I disagree. All the great things done by some good people to enrich Bradley's short life were beautiful.

It was a terribly sad thing that many other parents are facing or will face.

There is only one thing to say about Scouser sentimental poetry, self promoting shite!

[Witheredscrote]

1 hour ago, Alfie Noakes said:

Sorry I disagree. All the great things done by some good people to enrich Bradley's short life were beautiful.

It was a terribly sad thing that many other parents are facing or will face.

There is only one thing to say about Scouser sentimental poetry, self promoting shite!

Did you know that the most popular hearse in France is a Renault  Trafic conversion, usually coloured silver.  To many here it is the ultimate insult to the end of a life. For you though, it would be fitting. A shit carried off in a pile of shit..........lol.......fuck off.

[Roadkill]

On the upside... Another dead Mackem.

[Bubba C]

13 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

You heartless cunt, you should try working "neuroblastoma" into iambic pentameter before you go criticising others.

I tried, in fact I spent most of my inebriated evening doing just that. 

Would you settle instead for a heart-warming verse of "Little Baldy"? 

 

Vera Lynn was a cunt. 

[Roadkill]

Mackems can't help themselves when given even the tiniest bit of the lime light. It's like their entire fucking city has ADHD. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if it turns out one of them offed the kid for this exact reason. He'll probably end up with a statue outside the Stadium of Shite  or some tacky bollocks like that...

[Cuntybaws]

41 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

On the upside... Another dead Mackem.

There's always someone who just has to take it too far.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

51 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Did you know that the most popular hearse in France is a Renault  Trafic conversion, usually coloured silver.  To many here it is the ultimate insult to the end of a life. For you though, it would be fitting. A shit carried off in a pile of shit..........lol.......fuck off.

They will have to scoop up the bones and rotting liquor from the floor of your hovel with a shovel and put you in a bucket, when they eventually realise that the pervading stink of death is more than just background French stench. Nobody will report your death because nobody cares.

[Guest Ollyboro]

13 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

You heartless cunt, you should try working "neuroblastoma" into iambic pentameter before you go criticising others.

I've spent the night channeling my inner Byron, CB. So, after fucking my sister with my clubfoot, I've so far managed to rhyme "neuroblastoma" with "eternal coma".

I think it would be fitting if the football history books were amended, so that Sunderland's 1973 FA Cup Winning Team becomes The Bradley Lowery 1973 FA Cup Winning Team. The starting 11 would be:

1) Bradley Lowery 2) Little Bradley Lowery 3) Bradley 4) Little Bradley 5) Brave Little Bradley 6) Jermain Defoe's Best Mate Bradley 7) Sunderland's Brave Mascot Little Bradley Lowery 8) Brave Little Bradley 9) Brave Little Bradley As Was 10) Little Brave Bradders 11) John Terry.

All existing commentary to be overdubbed.

 

[camberwell gypsy]

3 hours ago, Alfie Noakes said:

Sorry I disagree. All the great things done by some good people to enrich Bradley's short life were beautiful.

It was a terribly sad thing that many other parents are facing or will face.

There is only one thing to say about Scouser sentimental poetry, self promoting shite!

Yah wot? Alright, calm down calm down. 

[Cuntybaws]

56 minutes ago, Ollyboro said:

I've spent the night channeling my inner Byron, CB. So, after fucking my sister with my clubfoot, I've so far managed to rhyme "neuroblastoma" with "eternal coma".

I've been channelling my inner Ted Hughes so all I could come up was "infernal boner".

[ratcum]

11 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I've been channelling in inner Ted Hughes so all I could come up was "infernal boner".

I had this bastard for O level English Literature. I got an 'A' so must have out bastarded the bastard bastard

[Guest Ollyboro]

23 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I've been channelling my inner Ted Hughes so all I could come up was "infernal boner".

Very good. However, I think your "infernal boner" needs handling carefully. In less sensitive hands, far from being a paean to Brave Little Bradley, it could become a limerick devoted to necrononcing.

There once was a toddler with neuroblastoma, who gave me an infernal......

I'm sure you can work out the rest. Don't.

[ratcum]

footballers’ tears shed for the lad

don’t hide cold facts

all could’ve been better

if you cunts paid more tax

[and]

On ‎09‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 11:47 AM, ratcum said:

footballers’ tears shed for the lad

don’t hide cold facts

all could’ve been better

if you cunts paid more tax

footballers’ tears shed for the little lad

don’t hide the cold hard facts

that this could’ve all turned out better

if you rich cunts had paid more tax

 

(talent imitates, genius steals)

[ratcum]

1 minute ago, r-soles said:

footballers’ tears shed for the little lad

don’t hide the cold hard facts

that this could’ve all turned out better

if you rich cunts had paid more tax

 

(talent imitates, genius steals)

I wish I'd said that Oscar

[and]

21 minutes ago, ratcum said:

I wish I'd said that Oscar

You will !

[ratcum]

Diana, Diana,

you thick fuckin spanner

Forsook crown and castle

for a w** and a pillar

                                      (Ratcum 2017)