Roadkill Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 There are currently two families in my street whom both appear to be on benefits and also have a membership of at least four sprogs each and alternating father figures depending on who the broodmother feels like opening her legs to that week. These clearly low-income families seem to always be able to afford the most expensive motorized gimmicks for their foul whelps, despite never seeming to leave the house to attend a regular job. Last year it was those silly hoverboard things that liked to burst into flames when you charged them, the year before that it was Mini Motos, and this year it was a bright pink electrical moped with a top speed of about 2mph and three of those weird wheel things that have little platforms on either side for you to stand on and accelerate to the optimum speed for driving your cheekbones through your frontal lobe. I can list all of this stuff accurately because it's currently been spread across the road and left in the rain whilst all the ungrateful little twats go inside to play on their Xboxes instead. The other day I almost flattened two of the pug-faced little shites who had decided take the scooter for a spin by slowly and noiselessly emerging from between parked cars and weaving their way down the middle of the road at an already reduced pace due to the passenger riding pillion. There was no parents in sight. Maybe next time I'll take them up on their challenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Your usename should provide a hint of what you have to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 3 minutes ago, Snatch said: Your usename should provide a hint of what you have to do. You know it's bad when you have dreams about the scraping of plastic and fake chrome against hard metal and the soft whump whump the tyres would make as you drive over a freshly exposed spinal column. But no, I always have to go for the brakes like my instructor brainwashed into me six years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 33 minutes ago, Roadkill said: There are currently two families in my street whom both appear to be on benefits and also have a membership of at least four sprogs each and alternating father figures depending on who the broodmother feels like opening her legs to that week. These clearly low-income families seem to always be able to afford the most expensive motorized gimmicks for their foul whelps, despite never seeming to leave the house to attend a regular job. Last year it was those silly hoverboard things that liked to burst into flames when you charged them, the year before that it was Mini Motos, and this year it was a bright pink electrical moped with a top speed of about 2mph and three of those weird wheel things that have little platforms on either side for you to stand on and accelerate to the optimum speed for driving your cheekbones through your frontal lobe. I can list all of this stuff accurately because it's currently been spread across the road and left in the rain whilst all the ungrateful little twats go inside to play on their Xboxes instead. The other day I almost flattened two of the pug-faced little shites who had decided take the scooter for a spin by slowly and noiselessly emerging from between parked cars and weaving their way down the middle of the road at an already reduced pace due to the passenger riding pillion. There was no parents in sight. Maybe next time I'll take them up on their challenge. This is forward planning by the mothers of these microchavs. They will at some point fall off of these contraptions and will suffer a bruised arse, the mother will rush them to a GP and the bruise will be recorded on the sprogs medical notes, ten years down the line the mother will convince the Jaded doctor that this incident has left the now grown up child with a debilitating spinal condition. This will happen at around the time that the DWP begin writing to the teenage waster and telling them to seek employment. The doctor will by this time have signed them off and given them a voucher to claim disability benefits, they are now part of the family business, their crippling long term condition will not however, prevent them from carrying a 24 pack of Carling back from Costcutters every fucking Giro day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: This is forward planning by the mothers of these microchavs. They will at some point fall off of these contraptions and will suffer a bruised arse, the mother will rush them to a GP and the bruise will be recorded on the sprogs medical notes, ten years down the line the mother will convince the Jaded doctor that this incident has left the now grown up child with a debilitating spinal condition. This will happen at around the time that the DWP begin writing to the teenage waster and telling them to seek employment. The doctor will by this time have signed them off and given them a voucher to claim disability benefits, they are now part of the family business, their crippling long term condition will not however, prevent them from carrying a 24 pack of Carling back from Costcutters every fucking Giro day. Don't forget the payment received when they successfully sue,through legal aid,the maker of said motorised toy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 4 minutes ago, Snatch said: Don't forget the payment received when they successfully sue,through legal aid,the maker of said motorised toy. Good point. This payment will be spent on vodka and crack cocaine to help deal with the trauma and worry suffered by the distraught parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 At least they are pretty quiet, unlike some of the off road bikes and such. There are some strange recreational vehicles around here. It is not unusual to see a whippet with it's head out of a Morris Minor or even 2 fish in a Tank. My upgrade of choice would be a Nokia 3310 to a ZSU23/4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 I have bought a chainsaw and bark chipper for the little fuckers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I know that Cunt Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Roadkill said: There are currently two families in my street whom both appear to be on benefits and also have a membership of at least four sprogs each and alternating father figures depending on who the broodmother feels like opening her legs to that week. These clearly low-income families seem to always be able to afford the most expensive motorized gimmicks for their foul whelps, despite never seeming to leave the house to attend a regular job. Last year it was those silly hoverboard things that liked to burst into flames when you charged them, the year before that it was Mini Motos, and this year it was a bright pink electrical moped with a top speed of about 2mph and three of those weird wheel things that have little platforms on either side for you to stand on and accelerate to the optimum speed for driving your cheekbones through your frontal lobe. I can list all of this stuff accurately because it's currently been spread across the road and left in the rain whilst all the ungrateful little twats go inside to play on their Xboxes instead. The other day I almost flattened two of the pug-faced little shites who had decided take the scooter for a spin by slowly and noiselessly emerging from between parked cars and weaving their way down the middle of the road at an already reduced pace due to the passenger riding pillion. There was no parents in sight. Maybe next time I'll take them up on their challenge. Do you live in a council house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Just now, I know that Cunt said: Do you live in a council house? Yes. Does that make your monocle fall out, old chap? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I know that Cunt Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 17 minutes ago, Roadkill said: Yes. Does that make your monocle fall out, old chap? No, why would it? I do understand that there are some poor people that need to live in such places - until they can buy their own house of course, not just hang on in their taxpayer subsidised council hose for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 2 hours ago, Roadkill said: There are currently two families in my street whom both appear to be on benefits and also have a membership of at least four sprogs each and alternating father figures depending on who the broodmother feels like opening her legs to that week. These clearly low-income families seem to always be able to afford the most expensive motorized gimmicks for their foul whelps, despite never seeming to leave the house to attend a regular job. Last year it was those silly hoverboard things that liked to burst into flames when you charged them, the year before that it was Mini Motos, and this year it was a bright pink electrical moped with a top speed of about 2mph and three of those weird wheel things that have little platforms on either side for you to stand on and accelerate to the optimum speed for driving your cheekbones through your frontal lobe. I can list all of this stuff accurately because it's currently been spread across the road and left in the rain whilst all the ungrateful little twats go inside to play on their Xboxes instead. The other day I almost flattened two of the pug-faced little shites who had decided take the scooter for a spin by slowly and noiselessly emerging from between parked cars and weaving their way down the middle of the road at an already reduced pace due to the passenger riding pillion. There was no parents in sight. Maybe next time I'll take them up on their challenge. You live at a really appalling chavy address. Why don't you move ? Get some elocution lessons whilst your at it you peasant. Pleb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 2 minutes ago, Punkape said: You live at a really appalling chavy address. Why don't you move ? Get some elocution lessons whilst your at it you peasant. Pleb. Silence, you pink socked little rodent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 11 minutes ago, I know that Cunt said: No, why would it? I do understand that there are some poor people that need to live in such places - until they can buy their own house of course, not just hang on in their taxpayer subsidised council hose for life. I hope one day to have a caravan of my very own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: This is forward planning by the mothers of these microchavs. They will at some point fall off of these contraptions and will suffer a bruised arse, the mother will rush them to a GP and the bruise will be recorded on the sprogs medical notes, ten years down the line the mother will convince the Jaded doctor that this incident has left the now grown up child with a debilitating spinal condition. This will happen at around the time that the DWP begin writing to the teenage waster and telling them to seek employment. The doctor will by this time have signed them off and given them a voucher to claim disability benefits, they are now part of the family business, their crippling long term condition will not however, prevent them from carrying a 24 pack of Carling back from Costcutters every fucking Giro day. I've seen during my days at A&E many patients coming in who have had minor accidents (tripping on stairs or pavements) who do not need to come in, but try to get an A&E report to try for compo. One woman had a two year old with her who was plainly tired, hungry and irritable as it was late at night, was prepared to wait for over 4 hours to be seen. There were no bruises evident and it was clear what she was up to . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: I've seen during my days at A&E many patients coming in who have had minor accidents (tripping on stairs or pavements) who do not need to come in, but try to get an A&E report to try for compo. One woman had a two year old with her who was plainly tired, hungry and irritable as it was late at night, was prepared to wait for over 4 hours to be seen. There were no bruises evident and it was clear what she was up to . Are you a nurse? Do you wear stockings and suspenders akin to Barbara Windsor in the Carry On films? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 24 minutes ago, Wolfie said: Are you a nurse? Do you wear stockings and suspenders akin to Barbara Windsor in the Carry On films? Most nurses are filthy and will drop them for Mars bar...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Wolfie said: Are you a nurse? Do you wear stockings and suspenders akin to Barbara Windsor in the Carry On films? Ooooh cheeky nayahahahahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 43 minutes ago, Punkape said: Most nurses are filthy and will drop them for Mars bar...... Maybe the male nurse in the erectile dysfunction unit you attend may do, but many nurses don't 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: I've seen during my days at A&E many patients coming in who have had minor accidents (tripping on stairs or pavements) who do not need to come in, but try to get an A&E report to try for compo. One woman had a two year old with her who was plainly tired, hungry and irritable as it was late at night, was prepared to wait for over 4 hours to be seen. There were no bruises evident and it was clear what she was up to . When you have to deal with cunts like that it must be tempting to provide them with some genuine non minor injuries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 53 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Maybe the male nurse in the erectile dysfunction unit you attend may do, but many nurses don't Most of the nurses (female) I've been out with have been great dancers and good in bed..... lol... All women should be able to dance like Rosie Perez... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 23 minutes ago, Punkape said: Most of the nurses lol... Male nurses of course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted January 10, 2017 Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 On 08/01/2017 at 3:16 PM, Roadkill said: There are currently two families in my street whom both appear to be on benefits and also have a membership of at least four sprogs each and alternating father figures depending on who the broodmother feels like opening her legs to that week. These clearly low-income families seem to always be able to afford the most expensive motorized gimmicks for their foul whelps, despite never seeming to leave the house to attend a regular job. Last year it was those silly hoverboard things that liked to burst into flames when you charged them, the year before that it was Mini Motos, and this year it was a bright pink electrical moped with a top speed of about 2mph and three of those weird wheel things that have little platforms on either side for you to stand on and accelerate to the optimum speed for driving your cheekbones through your frontal lobe. I can list all of this stuff accurately because it's currently been spread across the road and left in the rain whilst all the ungrateful little twats go inside to play on their Xboxes instead. The other day I almost flattened two of the pug-faced little shites who had decided take the scooter for a spin by slowly and noiselessly emerging from between parked cars and weaving their way down the middle of the road at an already reduced pace due to the passenger riding pillion. There was no parents in sight. Maybe next time I'll take them up on their challenge. Why not offer them a petrol powered chain saw on the end of an unstable 8 ft pole along with an informative educational instruction video SAW 4. Should provide you with some entertainment. p.s move you fucking scum neighbour peasant. Two families with benefits as neighbours where do you live Toxteth? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted January 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Monumental cunt said: Why not offer them a petrol powered chain saw on the end of an unstable 8 ft pole along with an informative educational instruction video SAW 4. Should provide you with some entertainment. p.s move you fucking scum neighbour peasant. Two families with benefits as neighbours where do you live Toxteth? I can't help but imagine you saying that in Brick Top's voice. You 'orrible cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted January 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 On 08/01/2017 at 8:04 PM, Punkape said: Most of the nurses (female) I've been out with have been great dancers and good in bed..... lol... All women should be able to dance like Rosie Perez... Cut to Punkape doing a bastardized emulation in his big empty mansion with his bloated and hairy stomach hanging over his leggings as he chugs LSD infused Baileys whilst crying to try and make the pain go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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