Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 Couriers are postmen that found delivering post altogether too physically and cranially taxing. Instead a machine decides some impossible route for one of these shaved apes to traverse the highways and byways of the land by while adhering endlessly to an impossible schedule, and they spend hours sat behind the wheel of a van instead. Perhaps this is why they either don't turn up when required or carry out the most minimal and perfunctory of checks to see if the "valued customer" is in residence before either not even attempting to pick up the items awaiting shipment (option A) or kicking seven shades of shit out of your fragile goods and then throwing it over your hedge or dumping it in your bins (option B). And all because a bleeping, blinking 'personal digital assistant' tells them they have exactly eight minutes to get from Coventry to Carlisle else a printer in the HR department starts running off a P45. These cunts see the word 'Fragile' in the same way a bull sees a red rag: challenge accepted. DHL, Hermes, Yodel, DPD, UPS (with their brown American cuntwagons), TNT, Parcelforce... cunts to a man. No accountability for frankly shocking service between any of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 No trouble with Royal Mail or Parcels Force but the rest of them save for ANC are complete and utter cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 I was just about to nom these cunts! In particular Hermes. The driver didn't even have time to finish the pitiful instructions on the card of where he'd dumped the parcel. It just read "By metal". By metal what? I found the fucking thing stuffed behind my electric metre. I'm sure the cunt is overworked and underpaid but he's a cunt nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 I heard they installed CCTV in the back of a Hermes van and captured this: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 Nibbled to death by an okapi... Nibbled to death by an okapi... Nibbled to death by an okapi... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 16 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Couriers are postmen that found delivering post altogether too physically and cranially taxing. Instead a machine decides some impossible route for one of these shaved apes to traverse the highways and byways of the land by while adhering endlessly to an impossible schedule, and they spend hours sat behind the wheel of a van instead. Perhaps this is why they either don't turn up when required or carry out the most minimal and perfunctory of checks to see if the "valued customer" is in residence before either not even attempting to pick up the items awaiting shipment (option A) or kicking seven shades of shit out of your fragile goods and then throwing it over your hedge or dumping it in your bins (option B). And all because a bleeping, blinking 'personal digital assistant' tells them they have exactly eight minutes to get from Coventry to Carlisle else a printer in the HR department starts running off a P45. These cunts see the word 'Fragile' in the same way a bull sees a red rag: challenge accepted. DHL, Hermes, Yodel, DPD, UPS (with their brown American cuntwagons), TNT, Parcelforce... cunts to a man. No accountability for frankly shocking service between any of them. I can see they've obviously damaged your multiple orders of blow up rubber rent-boy dolls and you bear a grudge.... lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 1 minute ago, Punkape said: I can see they've obviously damaged your multiple orders of blow up rubber rent-boy dolls and you bear a grudge.... lol. run Punkape.exe /drivel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 3 minutes ago, Punkape said: I can see they've obviously damaged your multiple orders of blow up rubber rent-boy dolls and you bear a grudge.... lol. You're really losing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 2 minutes ago, Punkape said: I can see they've obviously damaged your multiple orders of blow up rubber rent-boy dolls and you bear a grudge.... lol. Whereas you order yours from Fortnum and Mason, who hand-deliver them in a sleigh pulled by twelve hairless prepubescent boys. Nice paragraph break! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 2 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: You're really losing it. Is that because you can't find yours.....lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 3 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Whereas you order yours from Fortnum and Mason, who hand-deliver them in a sleigh pulled by twelve hairless prepubescent boys. Nice paragraph break! lol Pervert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 2 minutes ago, Punkape said: Pervert. Its a lifestyle choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 Just now, Tata Steely Dan said: Its a lifestyle choice. So is Catholicism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 31 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: DHL, Hermes, Yodel, DPD, UPS (with their brown American cuntwagons), TNT, Parcelforce... cunts to a man. Got to love the FedEx logo, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 Just now, Punkape said: So is Catholicism. An entirely regrettable one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 I feel sorry for that monkey. He never knew he'd be used as an avatar by a twat like Punkape. He probably still doesn't. Poor little bastard would off himself if he knew, I'm sure... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 3 minutes ago, Roadkill said: I feel sorry for that monkey. He never knew he'd be used as an avatar by a twat like Punkape. He probably still doesn't. Poor little bastard would off himself if he knew, I'm sure... Everybody's got something to hide, especially Spunkape and his monkey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 9 minutes ago, Punkape said: So is Catholicism. It's more of a disease. Or maybe it's a perversion. Either way, it's fucking idiotic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 1 minute ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Everybody's got something to hide, especially Spunkape and his monkey. that's absolutely right and yes even the Monkey and his Pinkape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 Just now, Ape said: It's more of a disease. Or maybe it's a perversion. Either way, it's fucking idiotic. A genetic disorder. Symptoms include having no self awareness, breeding like mice, no dress sense and a propensity for very public shows of pretend modesty, such as crossing yourself at any given opportunity or shouting about your next trip to Rome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 25 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Its a lifestyle choice. 24 minutes ago, Punkape said: So is Catholicism. Yes, a choice, to believe in the truth or some sky fairy who instructs "celebate" men in black skirts to shag underage boys. Your choice.... 17 minutes ago, Roadkill said: I feel sorry for that monkey. He never knew he'd be used as an avatar by a twat like Punkape. He probably still doesn't. Poor little bastard would off himself if he knew, I'm sure... He has a certain look on his face that monkey, can't quite put my finger on... there's a sly, resigned, grimace to his mouth, a dead look in his eyes... like he's written a note to his wife, and he has a loaded revolver in his right hand... Ah, that's it... he knows.... the poor bastard knows.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 26 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: A genetic disorder. Symptoms include having no self awareness, breeding like mice, no dress sense and a propensity for very public shows of pretend modesty, such as crossing yourself at any given opportunity or shouting about your next trip to Rome. Damnation is your choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 2 minutes ago, Punkape said: Damnation is your choice. Being subservient to a fucking Argie is your choice. That's another red hot poker for you in purgatory... or Thomsons All Inclusive Specials as you like to call it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 3 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: Being subservient to a fucking Argie is your choice. That's another red hot poker for you in purgatory... or Thomsons All Inclusive Specials as you like to call it. I thought the Pope was Brazilian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 7, 2016 Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 1 minute ago, Roadkill said: I thought the Pope was Brazilian. Peasant....you're a thick twat too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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