Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Probably considered 'low hanging fruit' as far as noms go, but here goes. French food is the most vastly overrated slop imaginable. A lot of it is peasant food, using the same ingredients we have here. Meat, veg, cheese and a few herbs and spices. The ridiculous snobbery and value that we place on it, because we wrongly believe that the French somehow have sharper tastebuds than us in blightie, is astonishing. For one thing, French cheese either smells like a homeless person or a smeggy unwashed penis. Why has nobody realised this? These scat-munching cunts eat cheese that is writhing with maggots as well. What is wrong with them? What gets me most is how stolid and heavy most French food is. It is basically like taking a normal British dish, adding either wine, cream or cornflour where it isn't needed, then masking the inferior quality of the ingredients using an overpowering herb or spice or other. All of this is made by some cantankerous ruddy-faced pisshead chef who runs his kitchen like a slave driver, but who is somehow an artist because this country has a boner for other people's rot for no obvious reason. You could catch one of these French chef cunts with a cache of child pornography and somebody would be running to defend him because he could turn out a decent potato dauphinoise. A bit like what they do with that nonce and general shagger Roman Polanski. Diddling a kid is fine and dandy if you made a semi-decent film. Apparently. "Daaarling, I know this wonderful place in a tiny village in Normandy. If you go early enough you see them slaughtering the chickens right there on the bare stone floor. They don't even have electricity, and you have to book six months in advance by telegram. It is perfectly rustic, darling. There isn't even a menu, you simply get what the chef decides to make that day, if he isn't too hungover on that cheap French wine, ho ho ho. Gavin and Hector both got gastroenteritis last time because the chef forgot to wash his hands after handling a goat's afterbirth, but he made this amazing dish from only stale bread, potatoes, wine, ten bulbs of garlic and mushrooms he found growing in horse shit in the paddock out the back. You don't get anything this good back home, ho ho ho." Fucking cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Aye, but what were the starters like? Did you go for the snails cooked in a fuckload of garlic, or the chicken intestine puree? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 7 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Probably considered 'low hanging fruit' as far as noms go, but here goes. French food is the most vastly overrated slop imaginable. A lot of it is peasant food, using the same ingredients we have here. Meat, veg, cheese and a few herbs and spices. The ridiculous snobbery and value that we place on it, because we wrongly believe that the French somehow have sharper tastebuds than us in blightie, is astonishing. For one thing, French cheese either smells like a homeless person or a smeggy unwashed penis. Why has nobody realised this? These scat-munching cunts eat cheese that is writhing with maggots as well. What is wrong with them? What gets me most is how stolid and heavy most French food is. It is basically like taking a normal British dish, adding either wine, cream or cornflour where it isn't needed, then masking the inferior quality of the ingredients using an overpowering herb or spice or other. All of this is made by some cantankerous ruddy-faced pisshead chef who runs his kitchen like a slave driver, but who is somehow an artist because this country has a boner for other people's rot for no obvious reason. You could catch one of these French chef cunts with a cache of child pornography and somebody would be running to defend him because he could turn out a decent potato dauphinoise. A bit like what they do with that nonce and general shagger Roman Polanski. Diddling a kid is fine and dandy if you made a semi-decent film. Apparently. "Daaarling, I know this wonderful place in a tiny village in Normandy. If you go early enough you see them slaughtering the chickens right there on the bare stone floor. They don't even have electricity, and you have to book six months in advance by telegram. It is perfectly rustic, darling. There isn't even a menu, you simply get what the chef decides to make that day, if he isn't too hungover on that cheap French wine, ho ho ho. Gavin and Hector both got gastroenteritis last time because the chef forgot to wash his hands after handling a goat's afterbirth, but he made this amazing dish from only stale bread, potatoes, wine, ten bulbs of garlic and mushrooms he found growing in horse shit in the paddock out the back. You don't get anything this good back home, ho ho ho." Fucking cunts. Some great points but an excellent Cassoulet or a Bouiabaisse in Marseille are as close to heaven as you can get.... Scandanavian food is fairly deplorable but for real horror try Uzbek cuisine.A friend of mine who works in the City went to Uzbekistan on a banking/PR exercise for 2weeks. He was served nothing but decaying offal fried in rancid oil. 80% gutrot vodka was served with everything. He lost 2 stone and nearly shat his arsehole out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 There you are being one of those snobby cunts I was talking about. I had Cassoulet in Toulouse. It was a load of old vegetables, a non-descript breakfast sausage, a duck leg (bones, tendons, the fucking works), hunners of beans of all types and enough goose fat to give it the consistency of double cream. Served with rustically authentic stale bread. This shit was devised for labourers and fieldhands .It isn't high quality food by its very nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 26 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Probably considered 'low hanging fruit' as far as noms go, but here goes. French food is the most vastly overrated slop imaginable. A lot of it is peasant food, using the same ingredients we have here. Meat, veg, cheese and a few herbs and spices. The ridiculous snobbery and value that we place on it, because we wrongly believe that the French somehow have sharper tastebuds than us in blightie, is astonishing. For one thing, French cheese either smells like a homeless person or a smeggy unwashed penis. Why has nobody realised this? These scat-munching cunts eat cheese that is writhing with maggots as well. What is wrong with them? What gets me most is how stolid and heavy most French food is. It is basically like taking a normal British dish, adding either wine, cream or cornflour where it isn't needed, then masking the inferior quality of the ingredients using an overpowering herb or spice or other. All of this is made by some cantankerous ruddy-faced pisshead chef who runs his kitchen like a slave driver, but who is somehow an artist because this country has a boner for other people's rot for no obvious reason. You could catch one of these French chef cunts with a cache of child pornography and somebody would be running to defend him because he could turn out a decent potato dauphinoise. A bit like what they do with that nonce and general shagger Roman Polanski. Diddling a kid is fine and dandy if you made a semi-decent film. Apparently. "Daaarling, I know this wonderful place in a tiny village in Normandy. If you go early enough you see them slaughtering the chickens right there on the bare stone floor. They don't even have electricity, and you have to book six months in advance by telegram. It is perfectly rustic, darling. There isn't even a menu, you simply get what the chef decides to make that day, if he isn't too hungover on that cheap French wine, ho ho ho. Gavin and Hector both got gastroenteritis last time because the chef forgot to wash his hands after handling a goat's afterbirth, but he made this amazing dish from only stale bread, potatoes, wine, ten bulbs of garlic and mushrooms he found growing in horse shit in the paddock out the back. You don't get anything this good back home, ho ho ho." Fucking cunts. Concision of above...............fucking foreign muck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 1 minute ago, The Beast said: Concision of above...............fucking foreign muck. You took the essence of my post and boiled it down to a deliciously thick jus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 4 minutes ago, Punkape said: Some great points but an excellent Cassoulet or a Bouiabaisse in Marseille are as close to heaven as you can get.... Scandanavian food is fairly deplorable but for real horror try Uzbek cuisine.A friend of mine who works in the City went to Uzbekistan on a banking/PR exercise for 2weeks. He was served nothing but decaying offal fried in rancid oil. 80% gutrot vodka was served with everything. He lost 2 stone and nearly shat his arsehole out... the worse food I have experienced is in Marrakesh...utterly disgusting ingredients with no flavour whatsover, which is surprising as the spices they have available is second to none.....Best food I have experienced is in the States and Portugal, the Prawn and Lobster rice in Lisbon is outstanding. French food is overrated but they do have some wonderful wines and the oysters are superb. But the restaurant I have visited there have not really been that good. The only outstanding cheese there is Roquefort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 5 minutes ago, luke swarm said: the worse food I have experienced is in Marrakesh...utterly disgusting ingredients with no flavour whatsover, which is surprising as the spices they have available is second to none.... Spices only go so far when the only meat around is 'goat that has been left in the back of an unrefridgerated van in direct sunlight'. 100% of every cunt I know that has been to Marrakesh got food poisoning. Aye, both of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 6 minutes ago, luke swarm said: French food is overrated but they do have some wonderful wines and the oysters are superb. Good wine is one of those things that is impossible to quantify though. They've done blind tests that have lead to the highest trained sommeliers singling the praises of cheap Lidl plonk and taking a proverbial dump on some of the rarest and highest rated 'vintages'. As for oysters, they are a filter feeder and bio-accumulator that basically fill up with faecal pathogens over time. Bon appetit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Just now, Tata Steely Dan said: Good wine is one of those things that is impossible to quantify though. They've done blind tests that have lead to the highest trained sommeliers singling the praises of cheap Lidl plonk and taking a proverbial dump on some of the rarest and highest rated 'vintages'. As for oysters, they are a filter feeder and bio-accumulator that basically fill up with faecal pathogens over time. Bon appetit! I think you will find that most Pathogens are right fucking shits...price was never a good indicator of wine quality, that's why I always drink the 3 for ten pounds bottles from the spar shop, it also means that I don't have to waste money on dental hygienists as I have no enamel on my teeth to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 46 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Probably considered 'low hanging fruit' as far as noms go, but here goes. French food is the most vastly overrated slop imaginable. A lot of it is peasant food, using the same ingredients we have here. Meat, veg, cheese and a few herbs and spices. The ridiculous snobbery and value that we place on it, because we wrongly believe that the French somehow have sharper tastebuds than us in blightie, is astonishing. For one thing, French cheese either smells like a homeless person or a smeggy unwashed penis. Why has nobody realised this? These scat-munching cunts eat cheese that is writhing with maggots as well. What is wrong with them? What gets me most is how stolid and heavy most French food is. It is basically like taking a normal British dish, adding either wine, cream or cornflour where it isn't needed, then masking the inferior quality of the ingredients using an overpowering herb or spice or other. All of this is made by some cantankerous ruddy-faced pisshead chef who runs his kitchen like a slave driver, but who is somehow an artist because this country has a boner for other people's rot for no obvious reason. You could catch one of these French chef cunts with a cache of child pornography and somebody would be running to defend him because he could turn out a decent potato dauphinoise. A bit like what they do with that nonce and general shagger Roman Polanski. Diddling a kid is fine and dandy if you made a semi-decent film. Apparently. "Daaarling, I know this wonderful place in a tiny village in Normandy. If you go early enough you see them slaughtering the chickens right there on the bare stone floor. They don't even have electricity, and you have to book six months in advance by telegram. It is perfectly rustic, darling. There isn't even a menu, you simply get what the chef decides to make that day, if he isn't too hungover on that cheap French wine, ho ho ho. Gavin and Hector both got gastroenteritis last time because the chef forgot to wash his hands after handling a goat's afterbirth, but he made this amazing dish from only stale bread, potatoes, wine, ten bulbs of garlic and mushrooms he found growing in horse shit in the paddock out the back. You don't get anything this good back home, ho ho ho." Fucking cunts. You can't beat a good old English Vindaloo eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 1 minute ago, luke swarm said: I think you will find that most Pathogens are right fucking shits...price was never a good indicator of wine quality, that's why I always drink the 3 for ten pounds bottles from the spar shop, it also means that I don't have to waste money on dental hygienists as I have no enamel on my teeth to worry about. Enamel is for baths and wee tinny mugs an all o' that shite. Nae business bein' all rooted aboot in yer gums 'n' that, ken? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 5 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: You can't beat a good old English Vindaloo eh? Not for Sunday breakfast, no. The rest of the time I'll settle for a Scotch pie, triple deep fried, with a Mars Bar chaser, all washed down with a turbo shandy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 I'll give Swarm a point, Roquefort is fucking amazing, almost on a par with my beloved Blue Wensleydale, it would be if it wasn't French. Best steak I ever had was at some backward-arse-country-fuck bar/bistro sat amongst the builders, roadworkers and the local suits, Steak-Frites, a plate so big I could have curled up and gone to sleep on it afterwards, a litre of local plonk for about £2. Some Minervois town, can't remember which. As for oysters, the only thing I know is some story about a girl getting sent to bed for being naughty with no tea (oysters)... next morning all her family were dead..... she wasn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick_B Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 There are many good things to eat in France, but andouillette is not one of them. Possibly the most revolting thing I've ever tasted, a lot of French people wont eat it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Donner and chips Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 My brief foray in a France put me off for life, my experience if the food was a load of overpriced wank. Although I know a few chefs who rave about French cooking but they are complete parasites. Uzbek food isn't actually too bad in my unlearned opinion and the gash is Tashkent is unreal. Your friends was probably a wanker to be honest @Punkape Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 French food is not for me, anything that is cooked by a big conk cuntbreed is a no go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 8 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: Not for Sunday breakfast, no. The rest of the time I'll settle for a Scotch pie, triple deep fried, with a Mars Bar chaser, all washed down with a turbo shandy. When you say " washed down with a turbo shandy" what exactly do you mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 1 hour ago, Snatch said: When you say " washed down with a turbo shandy" what exactly do you mean? Some generic definitions of “turbo shandy” can be found, as usual, on Urban Dictionary. The variant I'm familiar with is made with Tennents' Super Lager and Smirnoff Ice, with a double vodka added because, well, why not? PS Anyone who tells you that you should use Irn Bru WKD instead of Smirnoff Ice is a lying, Philistine cunt. And/or Jacko. PPS I genuinely don't understand why someone with access to Google would instead expend time and effort typing their question into Cunts Corner and then wait hours or days for a response, especially given that said response is usually something along the lines of “Fuck off, bellend!” It seems to happen a lot, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 If you want stodge go to Germany. Although I have a feeling there will be a lot more halal recipes there in the near future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 9 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: If you want stodge go to Germany. Although I have a feeling there will be a lot more halal recipes there in the near future. http://www.havehalalwilltravel.com/blog/explore-berlin-like-a-pro-with-this-muslim-friendly-travel-guide/ Halal currywurst. Fuck me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 11 hours ago, luke swarm said: the worse food I have experienced is in Marrakesh...utterly disgusting ingredients with no flavour whatsover, which is surprising as the spices they have available is second to none.....Best food I have experienced is in the States and Portugal, the Prawn and Lobster rice in Lisbon is outstanding. French food is overrated but they do have some wonderful wines and the oysters are superb. But the restaurant I have visited there have not really been that good. The only outstanding cheese there is Roquefort. See that's interesting. One of the best meals I ever had was slow roasted lamb in Marrakech. Without sounding like a cunt, I did manage to get away from the main tourist traps though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 8 hours ago, Donner and chips said: My brief foray in a France put me off for life, my experience if the food was a load of overpriced wank. Although I know a few chefs who rave about French cooking but they are complete parasites. Yes, I've heard the Burger King at Calais isn't very good. Most of the booze cruisers go to the greasy spoon in Dover instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Donner and chips Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said: Yes, I've heard the Burger King at Calais isn't very good. Most of the booze cruisers go to the greasy spoon in Dover instead. Haw Haw Haw! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 Good nom, have to agree, my trip to Paris was spoilt by the utter fucking shit being served in their restaurants. The best meal I had was at a posh McDonald's down the Champs Elysee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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