Otherwise Physically Healthy Cunts Under The Age Of 70 Who Voluntarily Choose To Live In A Bungalow

[Decimus]

Punkape, after years of being ruthlessly buggered, appears to have succumbed to tertiary syphillis. His heavily infected brain seems incapable of referencing anything beyond Tesco's and mince, so I'm taking on the nom he should have produced days ago.

Unless you have the hips of Thora Hird, or the circumference and gravitational field of Jupiter, there is absolutely no fucking excuse to live in a bungalow. If you can't be arsed to climb stairs, then surely the effort of involuntary respiration is too much, and you should do everyone a favour and just stop fucking breathing.

Bone idle, lazy, classless cunts who deserve to be flooded and choked to death on the resultant raw sewerage that swamps their half-built, piss stinking, granny caves.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

You are Roops and I claim my £5.

[Guest DrCunt]

I can think of a reason... in 40 years time 92.36% of the population will be over 84 years old, and three quarters of them will have knackered hips or be permanantly wheelchair bound. The average bugalow will cost £7.225 million. I'll have four please. 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

4 minutes ago, DrCunt said:

I can think of a reason... in 40 years time 92.36% of the population will be over 84 years old, and three quarters of them will have knackered hips or be permanantly wheelchair bound. The average bugalow will cost £7.225 million. I'll have four please. 

Buy a house, live on the ground floor, use 15 tons of concrete to make a ramp and rent out upstairs as "an accessible retirement penthouse apartment"

[Guest DrCunt]

Just now, DingTheRioja said:

Buy a house, live on the ground floor, use 15 tons of concrete to make a ramp and rent out upstairs as "an accessible retirement penthouse apartment"

I'm no Norman Foster, but surely it would be easier to live upstairs and rent out the fucking downstairs to an old cunt?

[Guest DingTheRioja]

Just now, DrCunt said:

I'm no Norman Foster, but surely it would be easier to live upstairs and rent out the fucking downstairs to an old cunt?

Depends how old and/or lazy/fucked you are....

....sorry, but I'm still calculating how many prozzies Neil could bury under 15 tons...

[Decimus]

7 hours ago, Decimus said:

piss stinking, granny cave

 

7 hours ago, DingTheRioja said:

You are Roops and I claim my £5.

Well spotted!

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

8 hours ago, DrCunt said:

I'm no Norman Foster, but surely it would be easier to live upstairs and rent out the fucking downstairs to an old cunt?

Or better still dig out a basement for the old cunt to live in and just fill it in when they inevitably croak.

[nocti]

7 hours ago, Properkhunt said:

I have stairs down to my dungeon. Does this qualify it as a bungalow?

Josef Fritzl is a cunt.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

I'm scared of heights. What more can I say other than its an investment for the future which I have never been wrong about, look at my shares in Ronco and  K-tel

[Decimus]

Still not a peep from Punky Bottington-Chuffer on this.

I can only assume that the turf and cardboard hovel he inhabits just off of the 9th hole on Blackpool's Pirates Cove Crazy Golf course is a single storey dwelling.

[nocti]

16 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Still not a peep from Punky Bottington-Chuffer on this.

I can only assume that the turf and cardboard hovel he inhabits just off of the 9th hole on Blackpool's Pirates Cove Crazy Golf course is a single storey dwelling.

He's getting plenty of fucking mileage out of the tescos and cufflink shite though isn't he? I thought he'd be like a dog with strawberry flavoured bollocks over the bungalow revelation.

He was probably fingered by someone dressed as a bungalow at private school or something. I dunno, I'm not a psychiatrist.

[Decimus]

12 minutes ago, nocti said:

He's getting plenty of fucking mileage out of the tescos and cufflink shite though isn't he? I thought he'd be like a dog with strawberry flavoured bollocks over the bungalow revelation.

He was probably fingered by someone dressed as a bungalow at private school or something. I dunno, I'm not a psychiatrist.

Perhaps the stupid cunt isn't sure what one is. 

Punkers, if this is the case, follow the directions I'm about to PM you and it will lead you to a genuine Bungalow. Don't worry about the fact that it looks suspiciously like an unlit industrial furnace, they're all like this. Just open the door and hop inside and count to twenty. It might be a bit nippy at first, but I promise that you'll be toasty warm by the time you reach 15 on your countdown.

[Guest nobgobbler]

10 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

I'm scared of heights. What more can I say other than its an investment for the future which I have never been wrong about, look at my shares in Ronco and  K-tel

I hope you didn't invest in the Sinclair C5.

[Decimus]

I detest these types, Edders, I fucking hate them with a passion.

Anyone who washes their car and ensures that their lawn is of a uniform length are also usually curtain twitching neighbourhood watch cunts. We've got one round here unfortunately. The chinless cunt has memorised all the cars on our street, and whenever a "stranger danger" mobile parks up, within milliseconds he's at his window, his beady fucking eyes giving it the once over, and jotting down it's particulars in a notebook.

When we move, I'm going to rent our house out to a five children DSS claiming multi-cultural family who own a Ford XR3i and a staffy. I don't give a fuck if they do a Mick Philpot and burn our house to the ground. As long as their Dog and their children shit on the nosey cunts grass and key his fucking Mondeo then I'll be a happy man.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

Early XR3i's are worth money now.... fuck knows why...

[Decimus]

Just now, DingTheRioja said:

Early XR3i's are worth money now.... fuck knows why...

Fuck me, Ding, I could have gotten away with no one realising I'd posted that on the wrong thread, I was about to delete it and repost it on Eddies car wash nom. Damn your fucking eyes and your britches.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

2 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Fuck me, Ding, I could have gotten away with no one realising I'd posted that on the wrong thread, I was about to delete it and repost it on Eddies car wash nom. Damn your fucking eyes and your britches.

No-one would have noticed the difference.

[Eddie]

11 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I detest these types, Edders, I fucking hate them with a passion.

Anyone who washes their car and ensures that their lawn is of a uniform length are also usually curtain twitching neighbourhood watch cunts. We've got one round here unfortunately. The chinless cunt has memorised all the cars on our street, and whenever a "stranger danger" mobile parks up, within milliseconds he's at his window, his beady fucking eyes giving it the once over, and jotting down it's particulars in a notebook.

When we move, I'm going to rent our house out to a five children DSS claiming multi-cultural family who own a Ford XR3i and a staffy. I don't give a fuck if they do a Mick Philpot and burn our house to the ground. As long as their Dog and their children shit on the nosey cunts grass and key his fucking Mondeo then I'll be a happy man.

Rent it to the judge, lots of men coming and going at all hours will fill his note book in one weekend.

[Neil]

Guilty as fucking charged,I was a healthy 40 year old when I decided to build my bungalow,stairs are for cunts.You just wait until your bladder gets fucked and when you get up and have to navigate a flight of stairs and you piss and shit yourself before you can get to the khazi,I'll be having the last laugh as i just have to saunter up the hall to open the bomb bay.When I croak it I wont have to be carried downstairs as I'll already be near the door(undertakers have a hard enough job as it is without having to carry a fat cunt down a set of stairs).Stick your fucking houses up your arse

[Decimus]

11 minutes ago, neil298 said:

Guilty as fucking charged,I was a healthy 40 year old when I decided to build my bungalow,stairs are for cunts.You just wait until your bladder gets fucked and when you get up and have to navigate a flight of stairs and you piss and shit yourself before you can get to the khazi,I'll be having the last laugh as i just have to saunter up the hall to open the bomb bay.When I croak it I wont have to be carried downstairs as I'll already be near the door(undertakers have a hard enough job as it is without having to carry a fat cunt down a set of stairs).Stick your fucking houses up your arse

Fuck me. First Drew, now you! You're both giving the county a bad name, there appears to be fucking bungalow's all over the show!

[Cuntybaws]

43 minutes ago, Decimus said:

...jotting down it's particulars in a notebook.

8 minutes ago, Decimus said:

...there appears to be fucking bungalow's all over the show!

There appear to be spurious apostrophes all over the show, too. 

[Decimus]

Just now, Cuntybaws said:

There appear to be spurious apostrophes all over the show, too. 

I'm half cut, Bawsey. Hence my piss poor rambling diatribe that was posted on the completely wrong thread. Forgive me, brother.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

Mrs D has just come home with a litre bottle of Grouse...

...see you in a few days...

 

(and to any fucking whiskey fucking snobs... it's a litre bottle, so fuck off...)

[Cuntybaws]

Just now, DingTheRioja said:

Mrs D has just come home with a litre bottle of Grouse...

...see you in a few days...

What, you mean It's going to take a few days for it to work its way back out from her duodenum?

Honestly, the lengths you Yorkshire folk will go to just to avoid a bit of excise duty...