Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 When I'm going to the shop to pick up a four pack and some cigs after a hard day of doing fuck all at work, the last thing I want to do is shoot the fucking breeze with the slack jawed Neanderthal behind the counter. Listen, you SPAR working cunt. Keep your oily fucking beak out. I don't give a fuck what time you're working until, I couldn't care less if your cunt children are about to start their school holidays. And if you ask me what I do for a living one more time, I'm going to smash your fucking face in with the fuck off massive lanyard I wear everyday you see me, which clearly states where I work you stupid, stupid, utter fucking cunt. If I wanted to swap trite anecdotes with some cunt whilst doing my utmost best to try and ignore them, I'd wait until I got home to Mrs. D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 I have heard similar things off shop workers in your area Decs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 1 minute ago, Manky said: I have heard similar things off shop workers in your area Decs. Yes, I imagine that the Minimum Wage Shop Workers AGM union meeting that you recently attended was full of fascinating insights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 Just now, Decimus said: Yes, I imagine that the Minimum Wage Shop Workers AGM union meeting that you recently attended was full of fascinating insights. Fuck off. I dream of earning the minimum wage and having a fulfilling career. I work only for the love of a good company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 40 minutes ago, Decimus said: If I wanted to swap trite anecdotes with some cunt whilst doing my utmost best to try and ignore them, I'd wait until I got home to Mrs. D. or log on to CC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 40 minutes ago, Decimus said: ...the fuck off massive lanyard I wear everyday you see me, which clearly states where I work... Homes in on operative phrase. You wear a lanyard? A fucking lanyard? Tell me, have they implanted an RFID chip too, or insisted on a small and discrete tattoo? Or is the pink star on your lanyard enough for now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 18 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Homes in on operative phrase. You wear a lanyard? A fucking lanyard? Tell me, have they implanted an RFID chip too, or insisted on a small and discrete tattoo? Or is the pink star on your lanyard enough for now? I do sometimes wonder, Bawsey. I never used to bother wearing it, as it makes me look like a child with special needs. But the ID card attached is now needed to use all printing devices and to get into all interior and exterior doors. I take it off when I'm having my regular 3:30 wank break though, in case it's watching me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 You want to put up with the bollocks I have to put up with when I get my locks seen to at the hairdressers from the brain dead, shallow little fuckwits working there. Am I going on holiday? Is the usual opener, but whatever I say, conversation always turns to where they're going and their last holiday and what they did. Then its what's been happening in TOWIE/Im a celebrity/Big Brother and what an utter bastard her current boyfriend is. Believe me, how I haven't shoved the curling tongs up her arse I'll never know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 A couple of points, if I may... SPAR? Have you recently moved house to the late 1990s? Does your work lunch tend to subsist of out of date packs of Space Raiders and imitation-brand Portugese Stella? Secondly, you can nip this kind of thing in the bud. Next time one of the workers tries to converse with you, tell him you've always wanted to cut off your own cock with a hacksaw, and you'd like him to watch. Unless you've stumbled on the freak of the week, you can then frequent the same shop without so much as eye contact henceforth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 21 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: A couple of points, if I may... SPAR? Have you recently moved house to the late 1990s? Does your work lunch tend to subsist of out of date packs of Space Raiders and imitation-brand Portugese Stella? It's been 1996 for twenty years here, Bill, we've even got a Londis. Portuguese imitation Stella is out though, it's all about Zubr, a 6% Polish rotgut cancerous 500ml of pure bilge water, with a picture of a bison on the front of the can to make it more appealing to under-age drinkers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 21 minutes ago, Properkhunt said: Sound advice. Make it a rusty hacksaw and I'm in. Make sure to bring Space Raiders and Zubr. Decimus can fax you the address of the closest Spar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 1 hour ago, Bill Stickers said: Make sure to bring Space Raiders and Zubr. Decimus can fax you the address of the closest Spar. Spangles as well please!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 8 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: You want to put up with the bollocks I have to put up with when I get my locks seen to at the hairdressers from the brain dead, shallow little fuckwits working there. Am I going on holiday? Is the usual opener, but whatever I say, conversation always turns to where they're going and their last holiday and what they did. Then its what's been happening in TOWIE/Im a celebrity/Big Brother and what an utter bastard her current boyfriend is. Believe me, how I haven't shoved the curling tongs up her arse I'll never know. Tell her you've got aids. She'll be concentrating that hard on not cutting you with the scissors she'll shut the fuck up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 Last time I went to Beccles, it was like it was 1970 all over again. In fact it really was 1970 as the world cup was in Mexico. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 15 minutes ago, Manky said: Last time I went to Beccles, it was like it was 1970 all over again. In fact it really was 1970 as the world cup was in Mexico. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrCunt Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 Just wipe your five pound note up your arse crack before handing it over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrCunt Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 1 minute ago, Properkhunt said: Nothing wrong with Beccles. Did a 6 month stint on nights for the agency at the community hospital there. Halesworth, that's a fucking depressing place. Except that it's in fucking Suffolk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 7 minutes ago, DrCunt said: Except that it's in fucking Suffolk! Hence my question mark to the northern monkey, DC. I can honestly accept the fact that the fucking small minded idiot has never left the pit he was sired upon his pony mother by his donkey fucking father. It'd be exceptional for any Mancunian waif to know the lay of the land beyond Hyde. But if the stupid cunt has found this site, surely he can work out a Google search. And no, I've not got a clue what's happened to the format of this quote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 4 minutes ago, Decimus said: 19 minutes ago, DrCunt said: Except that it's in fucking Suffolk! Hence my question mark to the northern monkey, DC. I can honestly accept the fact that the fucking small minded idiot has never left the pit he was sired upon his pony mother by his donkey fucking father. It'd be exceptional for any Mancunian waif to know the lay of the land beyond Hyde. But if the stupid cunt has found this site, surely he can work out a Google search. And no, I've not got a clue what's happened to the format of this quote. Only a cunt can't use the quote function correctly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 3 minutes ago, Punkape said: Only a cunt can't use the quote function correctly. And only a cunt would say lol. Lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 12 hours ago, Decimus said: When I'm going to the shop to pick up a four pack and some cigs after a hard day of doing fuck all at work, the last thing I want to do is shoot the fucking breeze with the slack jawed Neanderthal behind the counter. Listen, you SPAR working cunt. Keep your oily fucking beak out. I don't give a fuck what time you're working until, I couldn't care less if your cunt children are about to start their school holidays. And if you ask me what I do for a living one more time, I'm going to smash your fucking face in with the fuck off massive lanyard I wear everyday you see me, which clearly states where I work you stupid, stupid, utter fucking cunt. If I wanted to swap trite anecdotes with some cunt whilst doing my utmost best to try and ignore them, I'd wait until I got home to Mrs. D. Asda seems to be worse for this. It must be due to being owned by Walmart, the Yanks love this kind of shit. "And what you been up to today sir?" Shopping elsewhere you cunt and it didn't take as fucking long as it is here, now fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 Just now, MikeD said: Asda seems to be worse for this. It must be due to being owned by Walmart, the Yanks love this kind of shit. "And what you been up to today sir?" Shopping elsewhere you cunt and it didn't take as fucking long as it is here, now fuck off. You shop in Asda ? Are you on benefits ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 Just now, Punkape said: You shop in Asda ? Are you on benefits ? That took about two minutes longer than I thought it would but you didn't let me down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 3 minutes ago, MikeD said: That took about two minutes longer than I thought it would but you didn't let me down. fishing Mikey?...make sure you throw the tiddlers back in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 7 minutes ago, luke swarm said: fishing Mikey?...make sure you throw the tiddlers back in. Not intentionally but as soon as I posted I thought, oh fuck, it's only a matter of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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