Guest Fatty Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 On 16/03/2016 at 10:38 PM, Snatch said: Are you fucking desperate or just plain sick? Fancy a hairy night out Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fatty Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 On 17/03/2016 at 0:31 PM, DingTheRioja said: I don't wear "big girls blouses", at least not since the early 80's, Complete bollocks again. This "argument" you are using bears little or no relation to the statements you originally made. "Qualifying your rebuttal" is shite as well, it's not qualifying when it should have been completely different. If you want to go into any stupid arguments about "your message not being received correctly", then if you are as bright and educated as you reckon, then you will know that in any business, or other area of communications such as a holiday, if a message is misunderstood then the fault of the breakdown in communications is entirely on the person giving the message, not the receiver. You don't go to rural Italy and ask for "a pint of lager please, mate... I said, A PINTO OF LAGERO POR FAVOR, PAL"... whereas "Gradirei una grande birra, per favore" might be a little more helpful. If you have the kind/level of intelligence I think, based on your above "discussions" then this might be more helpful... "Stop talking shit and people won't hear shit" Soppy Cunt, anyway thought you had been banned for being an inopropriate waste of fucking air, prick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 Man goes to 24 hour petrol station late at night, he says to the girl at the window "can I have a kitkat chunky?" The girl walks off and comes back with a kitkat chunky. "No" says the man, "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat cunt". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 2 hours ago, Fatty said: Soppy Cunt, anyway thought you had been banned for being an inopropriate waste of fucking air, prick Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 I'll never forget the last thing my wife said to me when she died last week - "See you in heaven, darling." Since then I've raped 5 women, murdered my boss and set the local orphanage on fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 I rang 999 and said two girls were fighting over me. The operator asked "so what exactly is the emergency?" I said "well, the fat one is winning." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 A girl starting a new job on a supermarket checkout was being told about a game some of the staff play with customers. The girl teaching her said 'we try to guess the kind of person by their shopping. Look at this man here, lots of fruit and veg, low fat food, obviously looks after himself. You try the next one.' Bloke comes up with lots of microwave meals for one, and small portions and amounts of other stuff. She says to the bloke 'We're playing a game, would it be right that you're single?' The man says 'yes, how did you know?. She said, 'because you're a right ugly cunt.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 9 minutes ago, MikeD said: A girl starting a new job on a supermarket checkout was being told about a game some of the staff play with customers. The girl teaching her said 'we try to guess the kind of person by their shopping. Look at this man here, lots of fruit and veg, low fat food, obviously looks after himself. You try the next one.' Bloke comes up with lots of microwave meals for one, and small portions and amounts of other stuff. She says to the bloke 'We're playing a game, would it be right that you're single?' The man says 'yes, how did you know?. She said, 'because you're a right ugly cunt.' Something tells me that shouldn't be on the joke pages...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 10 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: Something tells me that shouldn't be on the joke pages...? Everyone's a critic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 6 hours ago, MikeD said: Everyone's a critic. Everyone's a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 I took to animal cruelty like a duck to lighter fluid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fatty Posted April 13, 2016 Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 On 11/04/2016 at 1:56 PM, Bill Stickers said: Indeed I did quote the wrong person. Thank you for pointing that out you odious little pedant. Do you want to suck my dick Snatch? You sound like you've been possesed by Brony Keith?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 My doctor just told me I've only got three days to live. There's nothing wrong with me, but he found out I've been fucking his wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 My wife came in from the shops to find me packing my bags "What's going on here?" she asked. "I'm sorry Jane," I replied, "I can't lie to you any more, I'm seeing someone else." "What's she like?" asked the wife with her lip now quivering. I replied, "She's a 19 year old topless model who insists on sex three times a day, her dad owns a pub and she likes me to go out with the lads on a Friday." "Is there any point in me asking you to change your mind?" she pleaded. "You know, I'll miss your sense of humour," I said, walking out the door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 A woman walked in to a pub. The barman said "why the long face?" Two hours later, was he ever fucking regretting it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 13, 2016 Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 I managed to persuade the wife to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 My therapist tells me I suffer from xenophobia. I bet I caught it off some fucking foreigner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 My wife has just told me that I can invite my sexy secretary to our place for a few drinks and shag her as much as I want, all weekend. Well, what she actually said was "I'm off to London this weekend with work so you'll have the house to yourself." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 My wife is leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants. Wont be needing those anymore, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 13, 2016 Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 An alcoholic goes to the doctor and says he is sore everywhere. Head, arms, legs, arse, everything. The doctor examines him and says, 'I can't find anything wrong with you, I can only assume it must be the drink.' The bloke says, 'don't worry doc, i'll come back tomorrow when you're sober.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 My gran said "young men today just arent as charming and polite as they used to be when I was young." I replied "well they aren't trying to fuck you now, are they." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 13, 2016 Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted April 13, 2016 Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 Ethel and Edith walking through the park, a bloke comes up to them, opens his raincoat and says "what do you think of THIS then?" Ethel says, "Eeee, I remember them things, haven't seen one in years" Edith answers, "I haven't either, but they used to be a lot bigger in our day didn't they" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2016 I spent two hours last night defrosting the fridge. Or as she likes to call it, "foreplay". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2016 I think my new girlfriend's a bit of a slut. I asked her if she preferred being on top or bottom during sex, and she replied "In the middle." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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