Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 5, 2016 Report Share Posted December 5, 2016 Scotty, take the dose, when you begin to feel the effects, just thrust yourself upon the nearest table of manless women.....beautiful or otherwise. You're odds of being taken home increase exponentially when it's end of night and they feel the same about you as you do them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 5, 2016 Report Share Posted December 5, 2016 What do Jewish paedophiles say to their intended victims?.................."don't eat all those fucking sweets" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 6, 2016 Report Share Posted December 6, 2016 Say what you will about Paedophiles, at least they drive slow through school zones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2016 What's the best thing about burns victims? They always stick together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 11, 2016 Report Share Posted December 11, 2016 What's the similarity between Essex girls and old washing machines? .......... They both drip when they're fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 11, 2016 Report Share Posted December 11, 2016 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: What's the similarity between Essex girls and old washing machines? .......... They both drip when they're fucked. plugging their respective drainage holes will not yield similar results Eric. Essex girl will be glad you brought a friend but Indesit will just fill up with disgusting goo. Oh wait a minute... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 11, 2016 Report Share Posted December 11, 2016 Three vampires walk into a bar. The first two, predictably, order bloody Mary's. The third vampire orders tap water. The other two ask "why just water?" The third pulls out a used tampon and says he's making tea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted December 12, 2016 Report Share Posted December 12, 2016 The difference between Arthur Scargill and Barry Burnell? Arthur Scargill hasn't touched a miner's helmet for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted December 21, 2016 Report Share Posted December 21, 2016 On 11/12/2016 at 4:03 PM, Eric Cuntman said: What's the similarity between Essex girls and old washing machines? .......... They both drip when they're fucked. and the difference being that you can dump your load in a washing machine and it doesn't follow you around for a week saying 'I love you' Merry Christmas Scotty you cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 21, 2016 Report Share Posted December 21, 2016 After death, there is only one organ of the female anatomy that remains warm. My penis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 My wife’s a lazy cunt. Every time I go for a piss in the sink it‘s full of dishes. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 On 21/12/2016 at 0:01 AM, Witheredscrote said: and the difference being that you can dump your load in a washing machine and it doesn't follow you around for a week saying 'I love you' Merry Christmas Scotty you cunt. Joyeux Nöel to yourself, scrotes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 2 minutes ago, scotty said: Joyeux Nöel to yourself, scrotes. where the fuck have you been Scotty? Did you know Frank's dead? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 1 hour ago, ratcum said: Did you know Frank's dead? When? Where? Please tell me it was slow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think was "don't get an erection...don't get an erection...." but she did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 17 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: My wife’s a lazy cunt. Every time I go for a piss in the sink it‘s full of dishes. Wayne Slob? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 "Wake me up before you go-go..." said George Michael. I've been trying since 5am, but it's not working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous blonde eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go and talk to her. Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air. "Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you." They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink. They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and they had a great time. The next morning when he awoke, she had already got up and brought him breakfast in bed. The guy was amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No, she replied....You just happened to catch my eye!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 A doctor enters the room of a mother who just gave birth and says " I have some good news and bad." The new mum asks for the bad news and the doctor tells her her baby is black. "what's the good news, then" she asks. You miscarried, says the doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 What do you call a child with no arms or legs?? Names! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 Two Doctors walking down a hospital corridor. One turns to the other and says.. "Jeremy , did you tell the Muslim chap on ward 3 he is going to die?".. "Yes Charles I did actually". ..."You rotten cunt, I wanted to". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 A Man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide. The librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 7, 2017 Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 Where do jewish kids with ADD go? Concentration camps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted January 11, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2017 "Phwoar," I chuckled to my girlfriend seeing a group of sexy teenagers in miniskirts. "I bet you wish you had legs like those!!" She didn't reply, but I could tell she was upset. I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into Debenhams. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted January 18, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 "I'm sick and tired of you pretending to be a detective, I suggest we split up," said my girlfriend. "Great idea," I replied. "That way we'll cover more ground." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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