nocti Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 5 minutes ago, neil298 said: How do you make a poof fuck a girl? Shit in her cunt. Alright Wordsworth, that's enough of the flamboyant fucking poetry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 13 minutes ago, MikeD said: I'm hoping my previous good behaviour, lack of meltdowns and general sulking lets me off with the odd dodgy post. Maybe stick to jokes from the "library" and "horse" series for a while, just to be on the safe side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 On which note, the following - believe it or not - is the highest scoring Sickipedia joke ever: Man in Library : I'd like to borrow a book on suicide, please. Librarian : Fuck off, you won't bring it back! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: On which note, the following - believe it or not - is the highest scoring Sickipedia joke ever: Man in Library : I'd like to borrow a book on suicide, please. Librarian : Fuck off, you won't bring it back! I asked the librarian if he had that new book about impotence. He tapped his keyboard and looked at the computer screen. "It's not coming up," he replied. I said "That's the one." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Why do poofs use ribbed condoms? For traction in the mud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 A teacher in class notices a little puddle under Suzies desk. "Suzie why didn't you put your hand up"? "I did miss but it just ran through my fucking fingers"! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 A man is sat on the edge of his bed, rolling a johnny onto his cock in preparation of giving his wife a good seeing to. All of a sudden their 8 year old son bursts in the room. In a quick attempt to hide what he's doing, the Dad hunches right over and says "Oh god, I thought I saw a rat run under the bed!" Straight away his son replies "What are you gonna do, fuck it?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 A woman brings home 8 year old Johnny and tells his mum that he was caught playing at doctors and nurses with her 8 year old daughter Mary. "Its nothing to be worried about" replies Johnny's mum "Its natural for them to be curious about sex"! "Curious about sex"? Replies Mary's mum "He's just taken out her fucking appendix"! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 I owe nocti and gyppo a couple of likes here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Two black women and their babies on a bus. One asks the other "is your baby teething yet?", the other says "yes him already teef 2 dvds's, 4 mobiles and a laptop!". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 I opened my front door and saw a large black coffin. I gave him a pack of Lockets and told him to fuck off. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Janet Street Porter is sat in a restaurant. She calls over a passing waiter and asks "Could I get a large aperitif?" The waiter replies "I highly fucking doubt it." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 2 poofs in a bed . One says ' I will get another bottle of wine from the fridge , don't play with yourself , I haven't finished with you yet' He returns and the room is covered with spunk . Bed sheets , ceiling , walls and curtains. ' You selfish little cunt' he screams. The one on the bed bursts out crying and says ' Sorry , but I farted' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 1 hour ago, witheredscrote said: 2 poofs in a bed . One says ' I will get another bottle of wine from the fridge , don't play with yourself , I haven't finished with you yet' He returns and the room is covered with spunk . Bed sheets , ceiling , walls and curtains. ' You selfish little cunt' he screams. The one on the bed bursts out crying and says ' Sorry , but I farted' Were you the one who stayed in bed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 (edited) What's black and white and can't turn round in a 4ft wide corridor ? A FRENCH missionary nun with a 6ft spear through her neck. Edited April 8, 2016 by witheredscrote added French Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Withers, you filthy French toad. Can you stop trying to hijack this nom with your shit, unfunny comments? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 4 minutes ago, Bubbles said: Withers, you filthy French toad. Can you stop trying to hijack this nom with your shit, unfunny comments? Sorry Bibbles , I have amended the joke to make even a miserable Welsh cunt like you laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Just now, witheredscrote said: Sorry Bibbles , I have amended the joke to make even a miserable Welsh cunt like you laugh. Much better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 "I love you loads, honeybunch," said my wife. "And I love you tons," I replied. "What, no nickname for me?" she said disappointedly. I swear she's going deaf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 I thought it might help my pet snail move faster if I removed his shell. If anything, it made him more sluggish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 I was offered sex with a 17 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Ive got a downs syndrome girlfriend,she wont swallow so i just cum on the window and let nature take its course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Why shouldn't you take the piss of a dwarf with Downs Syndrome? Because it's not big and it's not clever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 23 hours ago, MikeD said: I'm hoping my previous good behaviour, lack of meltdowns and general sulking lets me off with the odd dodgy post. Mike, you strait laced, beige cunt. Since you are of the opinion that anyone who uses an exclamation mark in a sentence is a drama queen of Mariah Carey proportions, your base level sarcasm is about as valid as Ding's completely clean CRB check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 4 hours ago, MikeD said: Why shouldn't you take the piss of a dwarf with Downs Syndrome? Because it's not big and it's not clever. Dwarf jokes, eh? After I rammed the back bumper of a car at the traffic lights, the door flew open and the driver stormed out. He was a dwarf. "I'm not happy," he fumed. "Well, which one are you then?" I asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.