Guest Last Cunt Standing Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Right, thought I'd open my account by having a good bilious rant at this bunch of arseholes. Cunt employees who drop sick at the first sign of a sniffle or a dodgy knee, and cause chaos with those colleagues who manfully turn up day in day out come hell or high fever. My little business has 14 employees, and its the same 3 cunts every time - in fact I have never seen them in work together. Cough cough note, sorry but my GP says I need 2 weeks off to recover. Does nobody want a fucking job anymore? Oh and my rota/full appointments book, that'll be up to you to cover, you and the other mugs who turn up regularly, sorry, but what can I do? I can't help being ill, can I? No problem if anyone's got Cancer, AIDS or leprosy or something actually wrong with 'em - but for fucks sake, "a rash", "a cough", "shoulder pain", "women's problems", are you taking the piss? These vague symptoms all preclude you sitting at a desk for six hours before you go home, do they? Take a fucking ibuprofen you muppet. Oh and whats this? - seen twatting about on Facebook at an indoor ski slope while you were in bed with terminal diarrhoea? Lying wanker. You can't sack the cunts anymore either, or they'll drag you off to Strasbourg and squeal about their rights till my fucking ears bleed. Really boils my piss. The pricks all get 6 weeks paid holiday a year, but apparently it's not enough without a few extended duvet weekends sprinkled over the dark and cold months of the year too. Time was you could ask them for a GP note, but now GPs are so fucking terrified of a complaint/so keen to get you the fuck out of the room that instead of the "fuck off back to work you malingering cunt" you might have had some years back, now you get a six-week long tear-stained note saying little Johnny can't use a mouse for more than 10 minutes due to his raging piles. Can't fucking wait to sell up and piss off to the sunshine and see how these cunts manage when my managerial teat is no longer available for them. Cunts. Fuck it, I might just close down and set up again with an army of Eastern Europeans who'll come in dragging their newly severed limbs behind them and be fucking grateful for the job. 'Tis good enough for Sports Direct allegedly. Deep breath. So, how's everyone else morning going? I see Wogan's dead. Didn't know wig glue gave you cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 In fairness it's probably a very stressful occupation, manning a gay sex chat line. What you need is a team of crack HR professionals to set up an absence management policy. A confidential occupational health consultant wouldn't go amiss either - maybe even a masseur and a psychologist on call 24x7. Worth every fucking penny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Used to work in an office where a married couple both worked... Every year they went on holiday (to the same fucking hotel in the same fucking resort on the same fucking island), and every year one of them would be off work on the sick for a week or two, they didn't even get back into the office.... and the other one would have to have a couple of days off to "look after them".... just have to... They took it in turns each year for fucking years these cunts... Now, either they were lying cunts, (I know, hard to believe eh?).... or.... they got food poisoning from the same fucking hotel and didn't get the idea to go to another fucking hotel! I know what my money was on... What actually fucks me off is that they got away with it, and when I didn't turn up because some cunt wrote my car off through a fucking wall sideways, I got a bollocking... a fucking bollocking!!! Told that cunt to shove it up his arse.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Tell the cunts you have to make cut-backs, and sack the fuckers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 All you have to do is drop the full employment thing. Sack them and take them back on as self employed sub contractors, no holiday or sick pay etc etc. Good go for a first post, now in the spirit of a warm CC welcome, cover yourself in honey and stand near a hive full of angry African bees. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 27 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: All you have to do is drop the full employment thing. Sack them and take them back on as self employed sub contractors, no holiday or sick pay etc etc. Good go for a first post, now in the spirit of a warm CC welcome, cover yourself in honey and stand near a hive full of angry African bees. RACIST!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Right, thought I'd open my account by having a good bilious rant at this bunch of arseholes. Cunt employees who drop sick at the first sign of a sniffle or a dodgy knee, and cause chaos with those colleagues who manfully turn up day in day out come hell or high fever. My little business has 14 employees, and its the same 3 cunts every time - in fact I have never seen them in work together. Cough cough note, sorry but my GP says I need 2 weeks off to recover. Does nobody want a fucking job anymore? Oh and my rota/full appointments book, that'll be up to you to cover, you and the other mugs who turn up regularly, sorry, but what can I do? I can't help being ill, can I? No problem if anyone's got Cancer, AIDS or leprosy or something actually wrong with 'em - but for fucks sake, "a rash", "a cough", "shoulder pain", "women's problems", are you taking the piss? These vague symptoms all preclude you sitting at a desk for six hours before you go home, do they? Take a fucking ibuprofen you muppet. Oh and whats this? - seen twatting about on Facebook at an indoor ski slope while you were in bed with terminal diarrhoea? Lying wanker. You can't sack the cunts anymore either, or they'll drag you off to Strasbourg and squeal about their rights till my fucking ears bleed. Really boils my piss. The pricks all get 6 weeks paid holiday a year, but apparently it's not enough without a few extended duvet weekends sprinkled over the dark and cold months of the year too. Time was you could ask them for a GP note, but now GPs are so fucking terrified of a complaint/so keen to get you the fuck out of the room that instead of the "fuck off back to work you malingering cunt" you might have had some years back, now you get a six-week long tear-stained note saying little Johnny can't use a mouse for more than 10 minutes due to his raging piles. Can't fucking wait to sell up and piss off to the sunshine and see how these cunts manage when my managerial teat is no longer available for them. Cunts. Fuck it, I might just close down and set up again with an army of Eastern Europeans who'll come in dragging their newly severed limbs behind them and be fucking grateful for the job. 'Tis good enough for Sports Direct allegedly. Deep breath. So, how's everyone else morning going? I see Wogan's dead. Didn't know wig glue gave you cancer. Fuck me another ,essay writer .I fell asleep after the 'bilious rant' bit. Fuck off and bore some other forum. Cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 13 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Fuck me another ,essay writer .I fell asleep after the 'bilious rant' bit. Fuck off and bore some other forum. Cunt I cut the verbose cunt some slack just this once, as at least the post had the decency to be borderline literate and - most importantly - an avatar was duly present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said: I cut the verbose cunt some slack just this once, as at least the post had the decency to be borderline literate and - most importantly - an avatar was duly present. Well Baws maybe I was being a tad harsh on this cunt. The avatar is good and as you say present But surely it would be better if he were holding the pistol the other way round . 3 out of 5 overall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 34 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Fuck me another ,essay writer .I fell asleep after the 'bilious rant' bit. Fuck off and bore some other forum. Cunt Fair play Scroters,you got as far as "bilious rant". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 44 minutes ago, DingTheDoggie!! said: RACIST!!!!!! Hello judge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 19 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: Hello judge. Well, it doesn't seem like CC without someone shouting RACIST at the slightest mention of anyone who is not WASP... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said: I cut the verbose cunt some slack just this once, as at least the post had the decency to be borderline literate and - most importantly - an avatar was duly present. You're nothing if not fair, Bawsy. As far as these work shy cunts are concerned, they make up the excessive whinging time after regular work hours or they take their leave and fuck off to the job centre Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 3 hours ago, DingTheDoggie!! said: Used to work in an office where a married couple both worked... Every year they went on holiday (to the same fucking hotel in the same fucking resort on the same fucking island), and every year one of them would be off work on the sick for a week or two, they didn't even get back into the office.... and the other one would have to have a couple of days off to "look after them".... just have to... They took it in turns each year for fucking years these cunts... Now, either they were lying cunts, (I know, hard to believe eh?).... or.... they got food poisoning from the same fucking hotel and didn't get the idea to go to another fucking hotel! I know what my money was on... What actually fucks me off is that they got away with it, and when I didn't turn up because some cunt wrote my car off through a fucking wall sideways, I got a bollocking... a fucking bollocking!!! Told that cunt to shove it up his arse.... You could have got 6 weeks off with whiplash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 I will always work for some other cunt so they suffer stress and not me. My finest hour was a month off with a broken flask. Actually the reason I nearly always turn up is that it makes my days off feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 2 hours ago, nobgobbler said: You could have got 6 weeks off with whiplash. My cunt of a boss nearly got 6 weeks of whip lashing.... Anyway, I'm harder than that... it'll take more than a Ford Transit to take me out for a over a month... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 6 hours ago, Alfie Noakes said: All you have to do is drop the full employment thing. Sack them and take them back on as self employed sub contractors, no holiday or sick pay etc etc. Good go for a first post, now in the spirit of a warm CC welcome, cover yourself in honey and stand near a hive full of angry African bees. I tried that... It gave me the horn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 1 hour ago, cuntspotter said: I tried that... It gave me the horn. What sacking all your employees or the honey thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 3 hours ago, DingTheDoggie!! said: My cunt of a boss nearly got 6 weeks of whip lashing.... Anyway, I'm harder than that... it'll take more than a Ford Transit to take me out for a over a month... Folk are largely soft as shit these days ding, don't know they're born. Too many tree hugging lead swinging cunts. They're all so hooked up on technology and shit they've lost touch with reality and the important things in life. No wonder kids don't understand why some people actually go out and earn a living when all you have to do is put a plastic card in an ATM. Take their mobile phones off em and close their facebook accounts and they'll all fucking die. Soft cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Welcome to the forum Charles fucking Dickens. Most of us come here to cunt people/stuff not proof-read novellas. Short solution: Call them "sick note" and roundhouse them in the coccyx. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 1 minute ago, ProfB said: Gosh what an exciting Nom Better than all your pathetic shite put together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 13 hours ago, witheredscrote said: Fuck me another ,essay writer .I fell asleep after the 'bilious rant' bit. Fuck off and bore some other forum. Cunt Got to agree with you there. Got fucking bored after the first paragraph. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 7 hours ago, cuntspotter said: I tried that... It gave me the horn. You're lucky to be alive, Spotto, an african bee sting is venomous and causes swelling, up to eight times the normal size of the affected area. That's 12 times more than, ahh forget it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 PK, it's almost obligatory to slate any nom made these days. What would CC be if noms were made to feel comfortable and worthy. We must slag them off, as we have standards and traditions, and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 10 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: PK, it's almost obligatory to slate any nom made these days. What would CC be if noms were made to feel comfortable and worthy. We must slag them off, as we have standards and traditions, and such. ....and you get the second little gold star on your McDonalds-proxy badge if you can do this AND shoehorn in a reference to Frank whilst you are doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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