Slow walking cunts.

[Decimus]

Why is it that old cunts always seem to decide to inflict their decaying corpses on the general public during the busiest hours of the day?

I've just been stuck behind a troupe of the decrepit living dead in a queue at the supermarket. Pick your feet up you lazy, shuffling cunts. I don't give a fuck if you end up tripping over and breaking your brittle neck, it will be one less casually racist, miserable geriatric cunt I have to subsidise.

I'd love to take a knife to their colostomy bags, and as the shits running down their useless withered legs, chuck a match on them in the hope the methane will set them alight.

Selfish fucking cunts who should have the decency to hurry up and die.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

28 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Why is it that old cunts always seem to decide to inflict their decaying corpses on the general public during the busiest hours of the day?

I've just been stuck behind a troupe of the decrepit living dead in a queue at the supermarket. Pick your feet up you lazy, shuffling cunts. I don't give a fuck if you end up tripping over and breaking your brittle neck, it will be one less casually racist, miserable geriatric cunt I have to subsidise.

I'd love to take a knife to their colostomy bags, and as the shits running down their useless withered legs, chuck a match on them in the hope the methane will set them alight.

Selfish fucking cunts who should have the decency to hurry up and die.

Were they queuing to buy a copy of The Daily Mail. In my experience the biggest single cause of the distorted view displayed by the older generation. 

Can you confirm if the supermarket was a Tesco's.. for erm....market research purposes.

[scotty]

42 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Why is it that old cunts always seem to decide to inflict their decaying corpses on the general public during the busiest hours of the day?

I've just been stuck behind a troupe of the decrepit living dead in a queue at the supermarket. Pick your feet up you lazy, shuffling cunts. I don't give a fuck if you end up tripping over and breaking your brittle neck, it will be one less casually racist, miserable geriatric cunt I have to subsidise.

I'd love to take a knife to their colostomy bags, and as the shits running down their useless withered legs, chuck a match on them in the hope the methane will set them alight.

Selfish fucking cunts who should have the decency to hurry up and die.

I have to agree with this. I occasionally need to pay in cheques at the local post office, the bank being fucking impossible to park nearby. (that's another cunt for another day.)  Invariably, it will always be pension day. Fucking always. When I see this shuffling line of coffin dodgers hacking up their lungs and moaning about their various self-inflicted ailments, I just know I'm in for a minimum half hour queue so I go to the fucking pub next door instead. 

 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

41 minutes ago, scotty said:

I have to agree with this. I occasionally need to pay in cheques at the local post office, the bank being fucking impossible to park nearby. (that's another cunt for another day.)  Invariably, it will always be pension day. Fucking always. When I see this shuffling line of coffin dodgers hacking up their lungs and moaning about their various self-inflicted ailments, I just know I'm in for a minimum half hour queue so I go to the fucking pub next door instead. 

Serves you right for still working with cheques. Do you also cash in postal orders at the post office you fucking Luddite? 

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

And use Luncheon Vouchers and milk tokens. Contactless payments is the way to go. I take this literally and avoid all contact with the 5 star moron cashier, even verbal contact.

[Decimus]

30 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

And use Luncheon Vouchers and milk tokens. Contactless payments is the way to go. I take this literally and avoid all contact with the 5 star moron cashier, even verbal contact.

When I Yanked up my cunting style and went to New York in the autumn, I attempted to make a payment with my contactless card. They looked at me like I was a fucking spaceman when I tried to explain the concept. When that failed I asked about chip and pin and they didn't fucking have that either. This wasn't some back alley brothel either, but a huge department store. I had to go off and sign the back of my card, something I haven't bothered with since I was about fucking 19.

It's supposed to be one of the only truly international cities in the world, a financial hub rivalled only by London. Yet the boss eyed inbred slag behind the counter of the Little Snoring village shop has got more technology available at her fingertips than them. Stupid, backward yank cunts.

[camberwell gypsy]

38 minutes ago, Decimus said:

When I Yanked up my cunting style and went to New York in the autumn, I attempted to make a payment with my contactless card. They looked at me like I was a fucking spaceman when I tried to explain the concept. When that failed I asked about chip and pin and they didn't fucking have that either. This wasn't some back alley brothel either, but a huge department store. I had to go off and sign the back of my card, something I haven't bothered with since I was about fucking 19.

It's supposed to be one of the only truly international cities in the world, a financial hub rivalled only by London. Yet the boss eyed inbred slag behind the counter of the Little Snoring village shop has got more technology available at her fingertips than them. Stupid, backward yank cunts.

I take payment by contactless card for clothes pegs, lucky 'ether and palm reading. Not for second hand lead though. Don't want the local rozzers sniffing about

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I take payment by contactless card for clothes pegs, lucky 'ether and palm reading. Not for second hand lead though. Don't want the local rozzers sniffing about

How much would you charge to read Neils jizz covered paw?

[nocti]

14 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

How much would you charge to read Neils jizz covered paw?

Clairvoyance isn't my forte, but from the power of assumption alone, I can predict from the numerous blisters, dried spunk crusts, and lack of a wedding ring, that it will involve an almost incomprehensible amount of masturbation.

I sense at this point, even doctors and other health experts would deem it detrimental to his health if he were to stop, so godspeed the filthy little cunt.

[camberwell gypsy]

Its the twats who suddenly stop in doorways and hold a conversation that pisses me off. And then go deaf when you ask them to move aside.

[scotty]

3 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

Serves you right for still working with cheques. Do you also cash in postal orders at the post office you fucking Luddite? 

I haven't written a cheque in 10 years. However, if a customer wants to pay me with one and that's the only way I'll get paid for the job, I'll take the cheque rather than get a strop on and tell them to fuck off. 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I take payment by contactless card for clothes pegs, lucky 'ether and palm reading. Not for second hand lead though. Don't want the local rozzers sniffing about

If your customers regularly pay you in cheques, I can only assume you are forcefully tarmacking pensioners driveways at exorbitant prices. Good on you. 

[nocti]

Just now, Bill Stickers said:

If your customers regularly pay you in cheques, I can only assume you are forcefully tarmacking pensioners driveways at exorbitant prices. Good on you. 

Gyps is in that profession and to her cheques are things of sci-fi.

I think scotty offers services of foul repute to businessmen in bus stops and train stations. If the cheques are stopped, he knows which toilets to go back to, and the sordid business types can run the cheques 'through the books' as substinence. There's no VAT on what I imagine is an awfully lacklustre handjob.

[camberwell gypsy]

17 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

If your customers regularly pay you in cheques, I can only assume you are forcefully tarmacking pensioners driveways at exorbitant prices. Good on you. 

I don't tarmac. That's the pikeys

[Guest Snatch]

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Its the twats who suddenly stop in doorways and hold a conversation that pisses me off. And then go deaf when you ask them to move aside.

Sorry,did you say something?

[Guest DingTheRioja]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I don't tarmac. That's the pikeys

RACIST!!!!!!!!!

 

Judge!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest MikeD]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I don't tarmac. That's the pikeys

Gypsy? Pikey?

There's a difference?

[Guest MikeD]

On ‎21‎/‎08‎/‎2015 at 9:31 AM, Decimus said:

I absolutely detest these dawdling bastards. You're not meandering through a Milanese boulevard taking in the sights and culture you fucking feet dragging cuntbag. It's fucking Norwich and Gregg's and Costa Cunting Coffee don't have a 0.5 miles per hour speed limit zone.

I think one "excuse me", and if they still don't move then you should be allowed to throw them into oncoming traffic.

[Cuntybaws]

4 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Its the twats who suddenly stop in doorways and hold a conversation that pisses me off. And then go deaf when you ask them to move aside.

As you approach them you mustn't be afraid to mutter something like, "Get the fucking fuck out of my fucking way, you fucking cunts, or you'll be wearing each other's fucking kidneys as fucking earrings." Even if they don't catch every single word - an occupational hazard for a Scotsman abroad - they'll get the general gist if they know what's good for them.

[nocti]

22 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

As you approach them you mustn't be afraid to mutter something like, "Get the fucking fuck out of my fucking way, you fucking cunts, or you'll be wearing each other's fucking kidneys as fucking earrings." Even if they don't catch every single word - an occupational hazard for a Scotsman abroad - they'll get the general gist if they know what's good for them.

You've got to admire the "mutter" part. That's a fucking noble goal right there Baws.

[Cuntybaws]

19 minutes ago, nocti said:

You've got to admire the "mutter" part. That's a fucking noble goal right there Baws.

People don't take you seriously if you shout. A threat like "I'm going to fuck you over and eat your baby" is much more effective when whispered. Less chance of witnesses, too.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

38 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

People don't take you seriously if you shout. A threat like "I'm going to fuck you over and eat your baby" is much more effective when whispered. Less chance of witnesses, too.

"I bet that arse tastes just like bacon" might work... if mumbled correctly...

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

11 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

As you approach them you mustn't be afraid to mutter something like, "Get the fucking fuck out of my fucking way, you fucking cunts, or you'll be wearing each other's fucking kidneys as fucking earrings." Even if they don't catch every single word - an occupational hazard for a Scotsman abroad - they'll get the general gist if they know what's good for them.

I'm just astounded you managed to get occupation and scotsman in the same sentence.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

3 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

I'm just astounded you managed to get occupation and scotsman in the same sentence.

I'm astounded he knew the word

[Guest MikeD]

On ‎23‎/‎03‎/‎2016 at 5:52 PM, Cuntybaws said:

As you approach them you mustn't be afraid to mutter something like, "Get the fucking fuck out of my fucking way, you fucking cunts, or you'll be wearing each other's fucking kidneys as fucking earrings." Even if they don't catch every single word - an occupational hazard for a Scotsman abroad - they'll get the general gist if they know what's good for them.

Silent attack every time. Then along with the trauma of the violence they're left wondering why it happened as well. Mentally scar the cunts as well as physically.