Guest Even bigger cunt. Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 When you occasionally have a really fucking bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on some cunt you don't know.... I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Tom I please speak with Robert Campbell?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fuckin number arehole!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a Cunt!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'Cunt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a Cunt!" - it always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'Cunt' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said "Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a stupid ignorant bleeding Cunt!" One day I was at the local Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the cunting idiot ignored me . I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first mistake Cunt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover guy Cunt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" "Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street,near Tywyn Gwynedd . It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "Whens a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a fucking Cunt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two big cunt arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Cunt one. Hello." "You're a big Cunt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "I live at 129 Alice Street, Tywyn Gwynedd, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Cunt," and hung up. Then I called Cunt 2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, Cunt," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll do what?" I said you cunt. "I'll kick your fucking arse," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, Cunt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Tywyn Gwynedd and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called the local News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Tywyn Gwynedd. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch the two cunt arseholes beating the shit out of each other in front of six police cars, and the local News crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 Don't hide behind a phone keypad, I'd have drove over to the cunt with the land rover just before ordering £50 of pizzas to be delivered to him from pizza hut,dragged the cunt out of the house kicked two stone of shit out of him,torched the land rover leaving a betterware catalogue on his doormat. Then would of been happily smiling to myself on the way home in between mouthfulls of pizza thinking of how soon the poor old betterware rep would be arrested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 I would have liked to have read all of that but I had a more pressing engagement, watching the fucking paint dry on the kitchen wall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheCatWoman Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 Fuck me. Do people really have the time to type all that stuff? Good story btw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 Don't hide behind a phone keypad, I'd have drove over to the cunt with the land rover just before ordering £50 of pizzas to be delivered from pizza hut,dragged the cunt out of the house kicked two stone of shit out of him,torched the land rover leaving a betterware catalogue on his doormat. Then would of been happily smiling to myself on the way home in between mouthfulls of pizza thinking of how soon the poor old betterware rep would be arrested. Fuck me ducunti, a Betterware catalogue? That's just sick. You really are a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 With all the spaces between paragraphs and the boring made up content of the story,I feel it could be that American cunt Lena,or a copy. Either way,don't bore the fuck out off us again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 Fuck me ducunti, a Betterware catalogue? That's just sick. You really are a cunt.Just that I've got loads of the fuckers at home that always get posted through the letterbox so might of well make use of one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 Eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Even bigger cunt. Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Excuse me but this nomination has bored the fuck out of me, i like books and stories of the absurd but keep it short and to the point, there is only 24 hours in a day. My arse was thinking about taking action (in the form of shit) for having to read your cutting boreing reply,like the other cunt above who would rather watch paint dry, so both take this 'fuck off' with a complimentary as a token of my gratitude for trying to read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Fuck me. Do people really have the time to type all that stuff? Good story btw. Don't worry, no RSI was incurred during the cutting and pasting of this story. (It was funny the first time it appeared on the internet a few years ago.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Don't worry, no RSI was incurred during the cutting and pasting of this story. (It was funny the first time it appeared on the internet a few years ago.) No it wasn't 'Baws. This new cunt can't even plagiarise properly. REPEAT BOLLOCKS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 http://www.lotsofjokes.com/calling_the_jackass.asp Look familiar? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Think positively Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Are you feeling a bit better duck XXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Yass taught me how to upload vids. He's a good lad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 http://www.lotsofjokes.com/calling_the_jackass.asp Look familiar? Hmm... http://www.rolexforums.com/showthread.php?t=270092 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted November 3, 2014 Report Share Posted November 3, 2014 Hmm... http://www.rolexforums.com/showthread.php?t=270092 A shameless cut and paste indeed. What a cunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Like a lot of your school reports probably said, Even Bigger Cunt Must try harder! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Today was an absolute fucking shit day. I still have a bloody migraine, but have to keep quiet about it all. I don't like bringing work home, and my wife certainly doesn't need to hear about the ridiculous, completely fucking daft cunts that are allowed to move about freely in society without restraint or supervision. I can't recall encountering so many spectacular thickos in the last five years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 When you occasionally have a really fucking bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on some cunt you don't know.... I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Tom I please speak with Robert Campbell?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fuckin number arehole!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a Cunt!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'Cunt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a Cunt!" - it always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'Cunt' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said "Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a stupid ignorant bleeding Cunt!" One day I was at the local Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the cunting idiot ignored me . I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first mistake Cunt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover guy Cunt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" "Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street,near Tywyn Gwynedd . It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "Whens a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a fucking Cunt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two big cunt arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Cunt one. Hello." "You're a big Cunt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "I live at 129 Alice Street, Tywyn Gwynedd, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Cunt," and hung up. Then I called Cunt 2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, Cunt," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll do what?" I said you cunt. "I'll kick your fucking arse," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, Cunt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Tywyn Gwynedd and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called the local News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Tywyn Gwynedd. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch the two cunt arseholes beating the shit out of each other in front of six police cars, and the local News crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works. This is so fucking funny. I've got tears in my eyes. Thanks for cheering me up x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Just that I've got loads of the fuckers at home that always get posted through the letterbox so might of well make use of one of them. Get a large envelope and post them to 129 Alice Street............... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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