Kinder Eggs

[CCArchive]

As if it wasn't enough that children can no longer play in the street for fear of getting crushed by 3 tonnes of Range Rover, or go to the park by themselves for fear of getting bundled into the back of a stranger's BMW in order to be traded as a sexual commodity between taxi drivers and kebab shop owners... The last bastion of childhood enjoyment has now fallen. There is no sight more harrowing than witnessing a child open a modern Kinder egg to find a shit plastic penguin - and not only is it completely fucking useless, the child is not allowed to assemble it themselves! It's not a toy, it's a pointless lump of plastic disappointment. It's certainly a fucking surprise as the kid thought that they were going to have fun but SURPRISE it's shit like everything else in this world. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" the child may ask themselves. Perhaps the little bit of paper with magic-kinder.com written on it will lend some explanation... "Website under construction" it says. At this point the child realises the true horror of life as they smash their computer while shouting DADDY PAID A POUND FOR THIS BULLSHIT. A FUCKING POUND! Before retiring to the corner of the room to sob quietly... why Daddy? Why did you and Mummy bring me into this world? (sob)