colonelkurtz

They should have left that wall in Berlin alone, there's been nothing but wars, fuck ups and assorted bother ever since Reagan, Gorbachen and that Knight Rider Bay Watch cunt met up in Bolton necked a couple of pints with Fred Dibnah , got a quote and flash bang wallop, wall gone and the West was flooded with seething murderous ex commies hell bent on enjoying McDonalds, Ford Mondeos and Manchester City.

" Tell me your reasons for taking part " .. " Thing is Gabby I feel self gratification is so under represented these days , I mean it takes a certain type of person to willingly spend £500 plus on the most garish trainers available and high end vest and knickers to schlep around the streets , and I mean credit to the organisers it is thankfully through mainly affluent respectable areas. Who knows you could easily find yourself running alongside Amanda Holden or maybe even royalty. As for next year , can we please do do away with the tatty paper numbers safety pinned for gods sake to the already mentioned speciality , definitely not Sports Direct, clothing items. The wheelchairs are just amazing aren't they , much more chic than the powered ones we see on the High Street popping in and out of Matalan and Greggs. "

Wellness my fecking arse . A wise man or woman once said a vigorous wank or a good shit is guaranteed to make all your troubles fade away. Let's see them put that advice out on daytime TV where there's certainly no shortage of willing and able so called expert cunts available.

Titchmarsh every time. Simpering mummys boy pin up for all the Dorothys , Brendas and Audreys out there with a glass of Pims in one hand and Rampant Rabbit in the other.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-68664644 It seems the fashion faux pas commited by that Simpering Yorkshire Cunt Alan Titchmarsh has enraged Supreme leader Kim Jong Doo Dah. Apparently denim is right out and not at all on trend in Northern Korea and the people demanded that his Levis be blurred out of his get down and dirty gardening pictures as this sort of shit stirring is a strictly not permitted. All a bit rich from a nation led by a fucking 5ft cube who at least does have a tailor with a decent sense of humour.

No need for an apology .. let's just be thankful that caring sharing cunts like us know the true value of those special nights in the year when charidees and pontificating Z list celebs lecture us while keeping an eye on viewing figures and blog likes. I eagerly await the appointment of Sir Leonard of Dudleys replacement .. my money is on Frankie Boyle.

Cost of living . Gaza . Ukraine . Collapsed NHS ... nah. Let's instead all spare a thought for the poor dears amidst their ghastly fuck up of a task which could be competently done these days by most 12 year olds with couple of minutes to spare between sending dick pics world wide.

Works better in Parisian rather than Govan accent

I always preferred that French blokes approach sitting next to the Houston woman on the TV chat show with his " Aaah waant to ferck yueuwwh"

Was he Smashy or Nicey and can we expect a poptastic rocka doodle do star studded celebriddy packed funeral ?

All I gathered from the cosy chat was how come this Carlson cunt has that permanent 'concerned' expression that he clearly thinks conveys appreciation or understanding of the proceedings but merely looks as though he just shat himself or trying to curl on out on the sly. ? Vlad however merely bears that relaxed smirk that says "da, muurican twatski".

With the media now at defcon red white and blue eagerly awaiting the Middleton womans rightful ascension to the new queenie gig and the accompanying super soar away front pages with full colour centre spread yummy mummy fashion tips and grooming advice. Nicholas Witchell will be polishing the good brogues and ironing the sombre suit As for Sunak .." Thoughts and prayers etc., etc. ... But hey ! Coronation and Election combo boost. fucking get in! "

The last time I looked the Commodore 64 is still languishing in the loft along with other assorted shite that I've never got round to dumping although Mrs Kurtz did suggest long ago that we could get rid rid of the collection of "interesting" magazines from my dim and distant youth. All you young 'uns can stop sniggering as well, 64kbRam + 20kbRom with C90 cassette game loading was the dog's bollocks back then.

TORVILLE AND DEAN- Simpering go to option for anything to do with poncing about in sequins and mascara then falling arse over tit. More personality in a basket full of damp washing. TIM PEAKE- The lovable cuddly ISS crew member whose main responsibility was emptying the bins and admonishing anyone thinking of setting fire to farts. JANE McDONALD- Where the fuck did this come from and what's it for ? One time pub singer and now alleged travel and cultural expert. One for the menopausal mummsy demographic and Northern [well, Yorkshire, but never mind]. The GILF Hall of fame awaits. CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS- Much like seasonal vegetables being mainly available December to February for unfucking believably inflated ticket priced seasonal 'entertainment' extravaganzas. Suggestions that any old cack panel show are also part of his repertoire are untrue darling. EDWINA CURRY- Jewish , Eggs, Blow Jobs, Front Door, Back Door ... Ooh, a little bit of politics there. NOEL EDMONDS – Archetypal smug 70's poptastic R1 type. Once the face of Saturday evening TV , now the face so deserving of a high velocity meeting with a length of rough sawn 4x2 . A few re invents later and hey presto we have the all round cunt we all know and detest making him a perfect fit in Australia. ASSORTED ‘ NATIONAL TREASURES’ - D.Attenborough , J. Dench , D.Jason , I.McKellen , C.Balding , J. Oliver . L.Henry etc. ROYALTY/ARISTOCRACY – The undisputed gold standard for generational winging it. Far too numerous to mention. OH! .. and ALAN SUGAR - Just because.

Willing to abandon my political instincts by nominating Penny Mordaunt - my fantasy 80's Catherine Deneuve wank bank chart topper.