Decimus Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 So this weekend, against my better judgement, I decided to treat Mrs. D to a two-for one meal, a couple of g&t's (house gin barman, we ain't on a first fucking date) and the cinema. When we get to the cinema, the place is completely empty, and I can immediately see the potential. Mrs.D is giddy and going blind on moonshine gin, and I've come across as a right Casanova because I noticed she was wearing something new (it didn't have kids sick on it.) So I suggest we rewind a few years and she gives me a quick shufty on the back row. No sooner is my belt unbuckled, the door opens and two dykish looking leviathans enter stage left. No worries Mrs.D says I, there are hundreds of seats and we're right at the back. Problem is, the cunts kept advancing on us, Elizabeth Duke jewellery glinting menacingly in the low lighting. Before I know it, they're on our fucking row, ten seats to my left, slurping on a slush puppy like they haven't had a drink in a week. I hate cunts who have to be in close proximity to another human fucking being at all times, and the world's full of them. From these Mel and Sue wannabes, to the heavy breathing pervert who is that close in the queue to you, he may as well be fisting you. Cunts, the lot of them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 This cinema wasn't in Soho by any chance? If so, kids' sick will be the least of her sartorial worries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 This cinema wasn't in Soho by any chance? If so, kids' sick will be the least of her sartorial worries.Do me a favour Baws, I aint paying fucking London prices. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 I had a similar experience at work whilst taking a dump.....we have a row of 8 traps so if one is being utilised then decency and the need to be as far away from the faecal fumes of another cunt would dictate that the new arrival would use the trap furthest away from the one already occupied.No. This thick cunt chose the one right next mine ruining my solitary bliss and then proceeding to turdsplash and fart in an offensive loud manner. Thick bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 Same on the beach.Acres of sand that Donald Campbell could have tested 'Bluebird' on and - fuck you Decimus you 'aint the only big swinging dick in here - me and the Mrs contemplating re-enacting the Burt Lancaster / Deborah Kerr bit in 'From Here To Eternity', when a bunch of chippy proles from Dewsbury park up 5 yards away, windbreaks a go-go, invading our space like Space Invaders.You want to punch the cunt so hard in his balls he makes Geddy Lee sound like Pavarotti. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 Your problem was, you picked the good seats, everybody wants to sit in the 'good' seats. Maybe if you'd waited a bit longer the rug munchers would've put on a show to get you and your Mrs back in the mood. I had a similar experience at work whilst taking a dump.....we have a row of 8 traps so if one is being utilised then decency and the need to be as far away from the faecal fumes of another cunt would dictate that the new arrival would use the trap furthest away from the one already occupied.No. This thick cunt chose the one right next mine ruining my solitary bliss and then proceeding to turdsplash and fart in an offensive loud manner. Thick bastard. I take your point, the powers that be should provide more cubicles, preferably with a decent solid door and a substantial lock, to keep the turd burglars at bay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 Used to work with some cunt who would walk down the corridor with you and full conversation, and follow you into the bogs... and carry on the in-depth boardroom style discussion while the bombs splashdown.... his and yours....... he also used to talk rather loudly about "them fucking pakis" on a twice weekly basis... no-one ever pulled him up on it because he was Indian and that would be racist.....Cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 So this weekend, against my better judgement, I decided to treat Mrs. D to a two-for one meal, a couple of g&t's (house gin barman, we ain't on a first fucking date) and the cinema. When we get to the cinema, the place is completely empty, and I can immediately see the potential. Mrs.D is giddy and going blind on moonshine gin, and I've come across as a right Casanova because I noticed she was wearing something new (it didn't have kids sick on it.) So I suggest we rewind a few years and she gives me a quick shufty on the back row. No sooner is my belt unbuckled, the door opens and two dykish looking leviathans enter stage left. No worries Mrs.D says I, there are hundreds of seats and we're right at the back. Problem is, the cunts kept advancing on us, Elizabeth Duke jewellery glinting menacingly in the low lighting. Before I know it, they're on our fucking row, ten seats to my left, slurping on a slush puppy like they haven't had a drink in a week. I hate cunts who have to be in close proximity to another human fucking being at all times, and the world's full of them. From these Mel and Sue wannabes, to the heavy breathing pervert who is that close in the queue to you, he may as well be fisting you. Cunts, the lot of them.I can see what Mrs D see's in you. You are a true fucking gentleman and no mistake. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 I absolutely despise these fucking cunts that violate the personal space rule. I think I probably would have told the rug munchers they had the entire fucking theater to choose from and they just had to violate mine and my missus space, and proceed to move them to the next theater over, conscious or otherwise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 In the days when cinemas used to get packed out and you"d be lucky to get two seats together on the back row. They were always full of weird looking blokes in raincoats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 In the days when cinemas used to get packed out and you"d be lucky to get two seats together on the back row. They were always full of weird looking blokes in raincoats.I thought I recognised you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest yariman Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 This cinema wasn't in Soho by any chance? If so, kids' sick will be the least of her sartorial worries.I was going to mention the Empire cinema in Huddersfield - a similar establishment to the soho picture houses I presume. If you come out of there without looking like you had a supernatural ectoplasmic encounter, then it was an outing not worth having. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Isn't anybody else slightly curious as to what Mr D considers what would be a suitable picture for him and the missus to see..........oh, that also appeals to what appears to be the only two lesbos in his interbred, backward Norfolk town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Isn't anybody else slightly curious as to what Mr D considers what would be a suitable picture for him and the missus to see..........oh, that also appeals to what appears to be the only two lesbos in his interbred, backward Norfolk town.It was a porno of your slag of a mother getting repeatedly fucked by a wild pack of strap-on wearing gypsies. That explains the dykes presence. As for us, I thought we were going to see a re-run of planet of the apes, based upon the disgusting, hairy visage on the poster of the despicable cunt that gave birth to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 It was a porno of your slag of a mother getting repeatedly fucked by a wild pack of strap-on wearing gypsies. . Yeah I remember seeing that one....classic 70s stuff.........music was a bit shit though and plot a bit thin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Isn't anybody else slightly curious as to what Mr D considers what would be a suitable picture for him and the missus to see..........oh, that also appeals to what appears to be the only two lesbos in his interbred, backward Norfolk town.Brokeback Mountain was released in 2005, so is probably hitting Norwich just about now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) Debbie Does DerehamA classic, even though I say so myself, wherein a snaggle-toothed local attempts to finger the local sad specimen of whoredom and ends up fisting her due to the genetic defect causing his grubby little webby claws, before they all go sacrifice a three-holed fuck-doll to the Turnip God. Edited October 8, 2015 by Jiggerycock 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 Debbie Does DerehamA classic, even though I say so myself, wherein a snuggle-toothed local attempts to finger the local sad specimen of whoredom and ends up fisting her due to the genetic defect causing his grubby little webby claws, before they all go sacrifice a three-holed fuck-doll to the Turnip God. I think we have a new film director, I present to you, Alfred Jiggerycock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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