Decimus Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 I thought that this only happened in niche porn films, or devastatingly unfunny Adam Sandler productions. I can now confirm that it does happen, and that the worst possible place for it to occur is in the disabled toilet at work. I often sneak in and out, ninja style for a treat, there's plenty of leg room and it's got a full length mirror I can wank in. The howls of agony that accompanied my mishap however, ensured I had a captive audience when I finally ventured out. Now, not only do they know I'm a secret disabled toilet fetishist, they also think I suffer from horrendously painful haemorrhoids (my excuse for howling like a castrated warthog). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 There is only one credible response to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 I have to confess that once when I was about 10, I got my cock caught good and proper in the flies of my jeans.I kept hyping myself up, counting to three, getting ready to just rip the fucker down, but over and over again I bottled it.I ended up shouting for my old man, who had to do the deed, the poor fucker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 I thought that this only happened in niche porn films, or devastatingly unfunny Adam Sandler productions. I can now confirm that it does happen, and that the worst possible place for it to occur is in the disabled toilet at work. I often sneak in and out, ninja style for a treat, there's plenty of leg room and it's got a full length mirror I can wank in. The howls of agony that accompanied my mishap however, ensured I had a captive audience when I finally ventured out. Now, not only do they know I'm a secret disabled toilet fetishist, they also think I suffer from horrendously painful haemorrhoids (my excuse for howling like a castrated warthog).There is no excuse for this cuntish behaviour, Decimus. Disabled toilets are reserved for poofters and leaky grannies. And Bronnies. Chose your toilet carefully next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Can picture it now " Caught your dick in a zip ? ... not sure if zip up or down is best ... too embarrassed to go to the first aider ... don't worry , just call us because we are the trusted market leaders in refurbs ... bellend , foreskin , under or side bollock or maybe just clagged up pubes ... don't hesitate we're only a phone call away and procedures can be carried out in the comfort of your own home .. you 'll even receive a free pen just for enquiring" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hope it festers and drops off you cunt. Then you can stick a disabled sticker on the stump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hope it festers and drops of you cunt. Then you can stick a disabled sticker on the stumpBit rich coming from the man who, from all the names he could have chosen, picked witheredscrote.Perhaps this is a fetish of yours? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 nasty..There is only one credible response to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hope it festers and drops off you cunt. Then you can stick a disabled sticker on the stumpEven with a stump, I'd still have four inches on you, microcock. Alongside your brain, your dick is the most miniscule single celled organism in the entire animal kingdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 I thought that this only happened in niche porn films, or devastatingly unfunny Adam Sandler productions. I can now confirm that it does happen, and that the worst possible place for it to occur is in the disabled toilet at work. I often sneak in and out, ninja style for a treat, there's plenty of leg room and it's got a full length mirror I can wank in. The howls of agony that accompanied my mishap however, ensured I had a captive audience when I finally ventured out. Now, not only do they know I'm a secret disabled toilet fetishist, they also think I suffer from horrendously painful haemorrhoids (my excuse for howling like a castrated warthog).Presumably, the blood gushing from your shreddies, serving merely to confirm your colleagues' dark thoughts 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Zip fly? Are your trousers made of Nylon too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 (edited) Decius, I'd like to ask if you were being rushed or pressured amidst your mid day stress relief? These things tend to happen when a bloke is rushing to sort himself out. Last time it happened to me, my girlfriend at the time was zipping me up after a lovely Blowie when her mum knocked on the flat door. My shriek of sudden agony gave her mum the hint to fuck off, while we freed Johnny from the teeth of the zip. I never let the thick cow live that one down and after I healed up gave her cause for a few painful shrieks. Edited September 5, 2015 by Wizardsleeve Fucking cunt iPhone autofill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 after a lovely Bowie when her mum knocked on the flat door.Was she dressed up Ziggy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Was she dressed up Ziggy?I always thought that one was a bit suspect... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 Was she dressed up Ziggy?She always did wear too much makeup and odd clothing ensembles. But I did do a check, and there was no short arm on her body. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 Reading this thread is like watching old episodes of Monty Python.......you can't believe you found it funny but you just let the nostalgia wash all over you. Now "The Beezer".......that was really fucking funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 Reading this thread is like watching old episodes of Monty Python.......you can't believe you found it funny but you just let the nostalgia wash all over you. Now "The Beezer".......that was really fucking funny!When something like getting caught in the zip happens, all a bloke can do, really, is keep a sense of humour about it. I think it's going to happen to all men at some point, it's a rite of passage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 This little mishap doesn't cause me to think of the low budget porn flick but, due to the subject involved (Dekks miniscule cock) i am thinking of the scene in the Karate Kid where he catches a fly with a set of chopsticks. Do you have trouble with shoelaces too you juvenile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) Reading this thread is like watching old episodes of Monty Python.......you can't believe you found it funny but you just let the nostalgia wash all over you. Now "The Beezer".......that was really fucking funny!Much better than the Dandy. But I preferred whizzer and chips. Edited September 5, 2015 by Alfie Noakes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 This little mishap doesn't cause me to think of the low budget porn flick but, due to the subject involved (Dekks miniscule cock) i am thinking of the scene in the Karate Kid where he catches a fly with a set of chopsticks. Do you have trouble with shoelaces too you juvenile.I wear slip-ons to limit the chances of any potential mishaps. Anyway, you surprise me, Drew. I thought that the good folk of Yarmouth still trod the streets bare footed, like the filthy peasants that they are. But since you seem to have heard of shoe laces, perhaps you can do me a favour? Take some, then go in your wardrobe and do a David Carradine. There's a good cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 If he's from Yarmouth he should be more worried about getting his cock caught in his mum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Yep, this is indeed a bastard. But one positive thing, you're highly unlikely to do it again as once it happens you'll handle the closing of your zip as though it's a live fucking hand grenade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Yep, this is indeed a bastard. But one positive thing, you're highly unlikely to do it again as once it happens you'll handle the closing of your zip as though it's a live fucking hand grenade. The event was so traumatising, most of the time now I actually pull my cock and balls over the top of my trousers, rather than unzip. It makes it a little harder to get the drips out, but I feel it is worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 I'm overdue on doing this yet again. I haven't done it since I was a teenager but I'm sure I'll be recalling this thread when it no doubt eventually happens again, some time in the not too distant future.As Wiz said, its a rite of passage. Right up there with sitting down a bit sharpish and catching one of your bollocks under your leg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 I'm overdue on doing this yet again. I haven't done it since I was a teenager but I'm sure I'll be recalling this thread when it no doubt eventually happens again, some time in the not too distant future.Morning Nocti.They say a wise man learns from his mistakes, and a genius learns from the mistakes of others.From this statement you have made, I can only conclude you have finally accepted the depths of your moronicity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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