People who stand in long queues at airport gates before departure

[Guest Bill Stickers]

1. The flight is not going to leave ahead of time, you daft cunt.
2. You have a reserved seat, you daft cunt.

I think these people are beyond help in all seriousness. They move like a herd of brain damaged cattle, without a modicum of independent thought, as soon as the tannoy announces the plane will be departing the gate.

They all get up from the chairs they have been sitting quite comfortably in, only to then stand up for 15 minutes, two metres away from said chair, in an utterly pointless queue towards the passport/ticket desk.

What is the advantage of getting on the plane near the front of the queue? You get to board at the busiest moment, while every other thick prat is also squeezing into seat isles, fumbling with passports and tickets, berating their despicable children, and smacking each other over the head as they ram borderline-weight-limit hand baggage into the overheads.

And then, lo and behold, anyone with even the slightest degree of intelligence gets up with a few minutes to go before departure, walks straight up to the passport desk, straight onto the plane and into their seat.

Logic and observation means nothing to these kind of bottom-feeders. If we want to speed up Darwinian evolution of humanity, the first 100 people to board any busy commercial airliner should be flown into a fucking hillside. 

[Eddie]

1. The flight is not going to leave ahead of time, you daft cunt.
2. You have a reserved seat, you daft cunt.

I think these people are beyond help in all seriousness. They move like a herd of brain damaged cattle, without a modicum of independent thought, as soon as the tannoy announces the plane will be departing the gate.

They all get up from the chairs they have been sitting quite comfortably in, only to then stand up for 15 minutes, two metres away from said chair, in an utterly pointless queue towards the passport/ticket desk.

What is the advantage of getting on the plane near the front of the queue? You get to board at the busiest moment, while every other thick prat is also squeezing into seat isles, fumbling with passports and tickets, berating their despicable children, and smacking each other over the head as they ram borderline-weight-limit hand baggage into the overheads.

And then, lo and behold, anyone with even the slightest degree of intelligence gets up with a few minutes to go before departure, walks straight up to the passport desk, straight onto the plane and into their seat.

Logic and observation means nothing to these kind of bottom-feeders. If we want to speed up Darwinian evolution of humanity, the first 100 people to board any busy commercial airliner should be flown into a fucking hillside. 

Same can be said of the cunts who stand up as soon as the seat belt sign goes out after landing and grapples with the over head locker. 

[Guest deebom]

Airports are fucking cunts.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

Same can be said of the cunts who stand up as soon as the seat belt sign goes out after landing and grapples with the over head locker. 

​Yeah, unless you have an impending connection flight and no hold luggage there is absolutely no excuse for this cretinous behaviour,

[Guest Bill Stickers]

Airports are fucking cunts.

​They are indeed.

The impending excitement of a holiday quickly descends into farce. Usually when some dappy tart from some horrendous, expendable commuter town off the M25 who works in duty free covers you in fragrance against your wishes.

[Guest nobgobbler]

Its all them drug couriers that can't get on the plane fast enough. They've realised that the longer you're waiting to board, the more chance you have of being frisked. One time I flew I had a slight limp due to a sprained ankle. I slipped my shoes off several times trying to get comfortable before this butch lazza picked me out, frisked me, and examined my shoes for style and comfort. That might be better service than you get when buying your Jimmy Choos, but, fucking hell, half way through the ordeal my family strolled up and thought I was being arrested. Punkape goes by helicopter.

[Decimus]

Try flying from Norwich fucking airport on an internal short haul (yes it does have one, we discovered jet propulsion in the 90's) After being kicked through the gate you're left alone somewhat bewildered on the runway, doing your best meerkat impression trying to work out which one of the twenty or so fucking planes is yours. No cunt deems it necessary to direct you, and none of the fucking chartered planes have signs. Its a wonder I ended up in Edinburgh and not Darfur. Oh and while I'm at it, OTBC!!!?

[Jiggerycock]

Try flying from Norwich fucking airport on an internal short haul (yes it does have one, we discovered jet propulsion in the 90's) After being kicked through the gate you're left alone somewhat bewildered on the runway, doing your best meerkat impression trying to work out which one of the twenty or so fucking planes is yours. No cunt deems it necessary to direct you, and none of the fucking chartered planes have signs. Its a wonder I ended up in Edinburgh and not Darfur. Oh and while I'm at it, OTBC!!!?

​Norwich!!!??

Yours'll be the Sopwith Camel, with Biggles as your pilot.

You'll get booted out somewhere over Dieppe (whether you want to go there or not) - and if you're lucky, they might even give you a parachute.

[camberwell gypsy]

Got this shit flying to and from the Canary Isles this week. As soon as we got airborne some dipshit woman stood up and started talking to her mate behind and had to be told to sit down by the steward, even the fucking plane was still climbing.

I paid to have a reserved seat by the window. A family turned up having separate seats all over the plane. The dad asked me if I could move so they could all seat together. I actually thought he was fucking around. Then he thought I was miserable because I told him in no uncertain terms to fuck off. If the twat had taken time to book the seats properly like most of us he wouldn't have to told to fuck off.

By the way, agree with the original nom.

[Guest JackoTC]

Well, you will fly cattle class to Magaluf. I borrow Punkape's Lear Jet for my trips.

[Guest Snatch]

Luton Airport customs. Bunch of power crazy cunts that will hold you up,frisk you,put your hand luggage through the x-ray machine three times after they have visually looked at every article in the case. It's a wonder people don't miss their flights the way these cunts carry on at times.

[camberwell gypsy]

Luton Airport customs. Bunch of power crazy cunts that will hold you up,frisk you,put your hand luggage through the x-ray machine three times after they have visually looked at every article in the case. It's a wonder people don't miss their flights the way these cunts carry on at times.

What makes me laugh is that they asked a woman to take her flip flops off and xray them. How much fucking c4 can you secret in a flip flop? But not just that, they let thru a bloke wearing boots that Bear Grylls would wear fucking about as he does in the Andes.

[Guest Snatch]

What makes me laugh is that they asked a woman to take her flip flops off and xray them. How much fucking c4 can you secret in a flip flop? But not just that, they let thru a bloke wearing boots that Bear Grylls would wear fucking about as he does in the Andes.

​Like I said Gyps,power crazy cunts. I know there is a terrorist threat but flip flops? Cunts.

[Decimus]

​Like I said Gyps,power crazy cunts. I know there is a terrorist threat but flip flops? Cunts.

Exactly. Everyone knows that Arabs don't wear shoes.

[Guest JackoTC]

What makes me laugh is that they asked a woman to take her flip flops off and xray them. How much fucking c4 can you secret in a flip flop? But not just that, they let thru a bloke wearing boots that Bear Grylls would wear fucking about as he does in the Andes.

​Came back from Italy recently. I swear the customs guys were all loafing about smoking and laughing at something on an iphone. They didn't even check our passports, luggage or fuck all. Much as the Iti's get up my beak sometimes, they had the right attitude. What is the fucking chance of some cunt blowing up a plane ? Really ?, or trying to smuggle £60 worth of horrible Fags that they go in for over there.